Hey need some help

I was in a long term relationship (7years to be precise - very much first love for both of us!). To cut a long story short - she dumped me & straight away she jumped into another relationships straight away which I thought was interesting. She was engaged and married within the space of 2 years, I now find out she's pregnant - strangley though she sends me an email yesterday saying she's been thinking of me & wants to catch up? (by the way she doesn't know that I know she's pregnant) - Is she trying to torment me? As in wording the email to make out she might want to get back together & then hit me with the news that she's having a baby - she said in her email she's "been thinking of me"

What do people think? I seriously don't understand why she's contacting me now - If I were the husband I wouldn't be too happy

Help

Jeff

First of all, you don't meet with her or do any form of catching up, because it is apparent that even though she is married and pregnant, the emotional damage is still flowing in the blood that travels to your heart.

How is that evident? Because most likely, to her this is just a casual form of conversation to her. You were a part of her life for 7 years, let alone, her first love. She is past the relationship and establishing a life, and because she is past it, she feels as though you are as well. It is normal for her to think of you, and believe it or not, there will be times that she will think of you throughout the duration of her life. However, to you, because of the way that she worded it, and because the emotional damage is still existent, this seems like she might want to get back together with you.

Why not contact or meet wit her? Well, because you aren't passed this yet. This doesn't make you abnormal or wrong in any way, because in all honesty, it wouldn't be out of the ordinary for you to go through the rest of your life and never be able to get over the heartbreak.

Should you ever meet with her or contact her? Sure, sometime down the road if you want, when your mind doesn't immediately play these games with your head. I think you would be safe to not reply to her, for your own sanity, and just keep going on with life as you are. Then, when you are ready, if you are ever ready or wanting to be ready, you could initiate the communication on your terms.

The bottom line is though, don't take it as though she wants to get back together. She has moved on and is married and having a baby, and this is a time in which she can become very emotional, and begin to think about her life and how she got to where she was. She is over your relationship, and is comfortable just communicating as friends. You were a big part of her life, and therefore she probably still cares for you as a person and just wanted to see how you were doing and share the news of her situation. You were obviously compatible enough to be a boyfriend for 7 years, so she probably feels as though she would really enjoy your friendship... however, I don't think you are ready for that, and depending on how the relationship ended, you may never be.

Yeah I had not planned to meet with her, I just find it strange though that soon after the break up I tried to recover the situation but to no avail etc & I ceased all contact with her from that time on. Since I did that though I've had a string of emails from her lately & I sent her an email yesterday saying I have no interest in being friends with her etc & wished her well with everything. I've also since found out she's telling mutual friends that I said she can't be friends with them - why is she stretching the truth? It's almost like she's trying to generate a response from me.

Why would she want you in her life... She has a life of her own..

It's a lose lose for you... Do not let your emotions be stirred again...

Forget about what she is telling everyone else. What she is telling her friends should be justifying your reasoning for not wanting to be in contact with her. She contacted you, thinking that everything was going to be okay, and you shot her down, because you haven't forgiven her for ending your relationship. I don't know why it ended, but you tried to get her back, and that leads me to believe that you were still in love with her, when she ended the relationship. It would appear that it still bothers her that you two can't be friends, which leads me to believe that she likes attention and cares what people think about her, and because you don't communicate with her, this bothers her, because then there is someone out there, especially someone that meant so much at some point, that isn't buying in to her BS.

So, when you shot her down, she started telling her friends lies, because she was afraid that you might tell them about her attempts to contact you, which would make her appear to not be over you, and this wouldn't look good to her friends, or to her husband. Simply because I'm sure there were some not so nice things said about you to both her friends and her husband, to make you out to be the bad guy, even though you may not have been, but she was too arrogant to admit her own faults.

You did the right thing though, by telling her that you didn't want to be friends, and don't fall for her BS that she is telling the friends. Anybody that you need to be concerned with, knows you well enough, and will know better than to believe what she is telling them. Anybody who doesn't know better, are people that you don't need to associate with, and therefore you don't need to worry about their opinions.

So, basically, your ex has broken the no contact by attempting to contact you, and she realizes she probably shouldn't have done it, and therefore, she needs to cover that up with the lies. Just keep doing what you are doing and realize that if her husband doesn't know that she is contacting you... then it sucks to be him. You are being the better person here, and respecting her husband, because you know you wouldn't want to be the guy whose wife was doing what she is doing. To be honest, I don't think that she is in love with her husband, and I think that she married him out of a rebound. Sure it was two years later, but some people take longer than that to get over someone, and some never do. I am not saying she wants to be with you, but it doesn't sound like she is in love with her husband. She seems to have some issues at hand, and you should just be glad that you don't have to take any part in them.

Yeah I think this latest episodes have started to give me some real closure & hopefully she won't contact me again .

The comment around rebound relationship makes me think that maybe she has created a whole heap of mess for herself now. I know that's not my problem but I guess its difficult to totally disconnect as I do wish her happiness. I find it interesting that the standards she heaped on me during our relationship are now gone, even the wedding apparently was really really casual, the complete opposite to what she always told me she wanted.

Well that further justifies the reasoning behind this being a rebound marriage. Basically, we all know that a rebound is used to avoid having to deal with the issues at hand. The rebound enabled her to be able to put any troubled thoughts in her mind aside, while she soaked up the attention from him. She didn't have to worry about the insecurity of feeling alone anymore, even though her loneliness came from her own doing. So, she meets the guy, is happy because she doesn't have to face any of her own problems or any of the problems that she may have caused in the relationship. This guy probably isn't the kind of guy that she saw herself winding up with. However, she settles, because she doesn't want to have to face the uncertainty, and therefore, she settles on the weeding she wanted and so forth.
On the flip side, she could have just realized how she was being really full of herself as far as what she wanted her wedding to be, and therefore decided to have it more casual instead of going all out. However, her most recent actions, don't really exhibit that kind of self-realization. She seems to be more confused than she realized and it's a darn good thing that she is his problem now, and not yours.

Thanks all

Ignore her email, and do not dwell on it. Her reasons are irrelevant to you, just leave her alone.