A Blow Out and Now Silence
Hi there. I wanted to get your perspectives on my situation. I am 42 and she is 40. We met 3 months ago and have been enjoying a pretty good relationship. We've noticed how well we can communicate and work through issues. We really enjoy each others time and we feel the buds of love forming. Its been pretty good. We went on a trip together. When we got back, 3 weeks ago, she has been focused on finding issues with me. They aren't major things and they all revolve around her feeling like I am not considerate to her or including her in my life. The thing is I am very loving and focused on her. I don't push her away and include her in my life with whatever I am doing. When these issues come up, we talk like we have but then it escalates. I feel she is escalating it. Acknowledging the issues, expressing responsibility and looking for ways I can make her happy and she can widen her tolerance don't seem to cut it anymore. In fact when we get to this point in the conversations she voraciously talks over me, inturrupts me and essentially takes my voice away. She has even told me that she doesn't care what I have to say. Then, she usually starts defaming my character. "are you the king of guy that would..." do this and that, totally hypothetical things that have no bearing on who I am. Last Sunday we got into one of these and I could not get a word in at all. Then she started with the defaming. I lost it. I went into fight/flight and left and said it was over. I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking. I guess at the time I thought that I would need a clean cut but then the next day, as it would usually go, I realized I made a mistake. So I emailed her apologizing and expressing my remorse and she said she didn't have anything to say. We emailed sporadically over the week and her last reply said she thinks it would easier to talk once she has her thoughts sorted out. That she "hopes she is thinking we can work it out." but then "my head is also flipping between the other things you mentioned. I'm trying to keep perspective.".
I'm trying to be patient. But is not my nature to not talk. I think talking and communicating are KEY. So I am resisting calling her.
I know on this site that the standard response to a breakup/get back together scenario is, don't just cut it off. But I think this is different. I think that she is trying to find reasons for it to end because she scared. Its only been 3 months and those fears and insecurities are setting in. I have them too. I think its important to work together on them. Other than the last 3 weeks things have been really good. Our 10 day trip to europe after only knowing each other 2 months was also a lot of fun we both agreed on that. We expressed how great it was that we were able to do that only knowing each other for such a short time.
What are your thoughts?