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Everyone on here is saying the whole point of NC is to heal and live for yourself, etc. I believe that is true and it helps healing, but if you were the one dumped, I think NC is also the only way to see if this relationship is real. Your ex is never going to know how life is without you (what he/she thinks he/she wants) unless you cut him off. I don't think it's all about false hope but it's pretty much the ONLY thing you can do if you want them back.
No Contact, is a healing tool, so you can get over the emotional shock of a break up, and make better decisions for yourself.
When you try to make it a game to get the ex back, like all games, you win some, you lose some.
The point of NC, is to heal and get healthy, so you can live your life.
I'm using NC to help me separate the pain that my ex caused and pain that is inside me being caused by me. I'm learning that it is much easier to distract myself from the pain my own mind creates... but its impossible to escape the pain my ex causes.
I would be lying if I said that I'm not hoping my ex will miss me so much they'll reach out... Remember... what you don't know won't hurt you... and No contact guarantees you won't know things you don't want to know. Period!
I concur. NC is a win/win situation. If it brings the person back, you win. If it doesn't, at least you are well on your way to a good recovery - therefore you win. I did it for 3 months - best thing I ever did.
I went with NC for about 5 days after she broke up with me because she needed time. Then she started asking why I was ignoring her, playing games, etc. we texted back and forth a bunch the other day, but then I won't hear from her all weekend and it pisses me off. The day we talked, everything was fine, but I can also tell some days shell just send a text out because she knows I will not initiate contact wit her. One day she said we will be together again, she will not be involved w/ any other guys, etc. the day after we talked, I caught myself get mad that she didn't contact me all day. I know this is wrong but I think after 3.5 years of long distance, when we are talking again I expect certain things. It seems like if I continue to ignore her, she will probably stop contacting me because she has that mentality, but maybe that will be the best thing like you guys posted earlier? I just don't see why I should initiate talks with her when she dumped me and said she needed time?
You keep saying NC will be ignoring her. NC will take you away so YOU can heal. It has absolutely nothing to do with her and how she feels. She's the one who wanted out. What you're doing is going NC... then talking to her... going NC and then talking to her. Do you think that's the way its suppose to work? What you're showing to her is that you're as mixed up as she thought... it also shows that when you do this NC she doesn't have to worry because you'll be back. NC forces her to live with her decisions. If she truly wants to break up then let her live with that. Don't make it easy on her. She'll play those games telling you that you're being rude and mean... but that's because you're not playing her game anymore.
Trust me... she'll continue to have you in her life until she heals enough or until she meets someone new... then you'll feel her end of the No Contact.
If you can't do No Contact then don't do it. Accept the pain this break up is causing. I just had a 6 year relationship end. Is NC hard.. YES. Do I wonder if I'm making a mistake? All the time.
After all those years... if she goes on her way because you're not there to make her feel better about breaking up with you... then what relationship did you have?
Just don't make sweeping statements about techniques that work... if you're not willing to do them correctly. No contact means No contact. Nothing. It's not about how she feels. It's about you and getting you to a spot where you can clear your own head and heal. If she wants to keep trying to pull you back then let her... but honestly.. it'd be best to explain to her that you want to go No Contact and for her not to contact you.
If you love something set it free, and if it comes back, it's meant to be. :D
NC is not to get your ex back or to make her miss you. It's to heal your own heart and self so that you can live your life without needing a crutch. Live life on your terms and how you define it, not how everyone else does. If you continue to go down this road, you will just end up even worse in a couple weeks when they don't come back.
NC is about focusing on yourself. It is about gaining strength, gaining power, and gaining confidence. When you are reliant on an ex, you loose all the power. When YOU make the decision to go NC, you are taking back some of the power and taking control of your life, which In my opinion is the 1st and most important step in healing.
Reality Check: If they loved you in the first place they wouldn't have dumped our a$$es. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeChangesMan
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