Ask Me Help Desk - Move back with mom

Move back with mom

Hi! I'm erica. I have resntly {5 months ago} moved from Michigan to Missouri to live with my dad because my mom gave up custuty of me because of my drug and alchohal use. Since then I have cleaned up and I go to rehab twice a week. I hate my dad and he has told me he doesnn't like me. In those words. His girlfriend lives with us and she's a pain in my I hate her so much and once again she doesn't like me. I have two sisters and a little borther in Michigan who I speak to a lot they miss me and want me to move back. I've talked to my dad so please don't tell me too I've talked to my mom too she always says I have to stay clean for a while I understand but what can I do? Everyday I cry and I want to go back I don't want to live like this anymore I can stand to fight and live with people who don't like or respect me. Please someone help!!

First, how old are you? Second, when you moved in with your dad was a modification made to the custody agreement? Third have you asked mom how long you have to be clean before she will take you back? If so, how much longer do you have to go?

Are there programs you can get involved in?
Maybe if you get involved in some community programs or school projects you will be spending less time at home and it will also help earn your mothers trust that you have turned your life around. Then hopefully she will be willing to take you back sooner.
Basically you need to convince your mom that you are changed and not merely free of drugs but free of them to the point you prove you never want to do them again.

If your parents have a court order stating you are to be with your mom and she sent you to your dads it may be possible to question that I would think

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Are there programs you can get involved in?
Maybe if you get involved in some community programs or school projects you will be spending less time at home and it will also help earn your mothers trust that you have turned your life around. Then hopefully she will be willing to take you back sooner.
Basically you need to convince your mom that you are changed and not merely free of drugs but free of them to the point you prove you never want to do them again.

If your parents have a court order stating you are to be with your mom and she sent you to your dads it may be possible to question that i would think

Thanks the problem with getting invovled with stuff is I'm grounded and have to stay home and it sucks big time. I go to church and that helps a lot. But I don't know if I'm stonge enough to get through this?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

First, how old are you? Second, when you moved in with your dad was a modification made to the custody agreement? Third have you asked mom how long you have to be clean before she will take you back? If so, how much longer do you have to go?

I'm 15. I've asked my mom and she says I have to stay clean. I don't think she's convinced I am. I don't understand the second questions?

But for how LONG do you have to stay clean? Six months, a year what?

Are you going to someplace like AA? Do you have a sponsor who can talk to your mom?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

But for how LONG do you have to stay clean? Six months, a year what?

Are you going to someplace like AA? Do you have a sponsor who can talk to your mom?

I haven't been clean for long at all.
I just started going to drug and alcohol rehab a few weeks ago.
But I can't stand living here and I don't know what to do.:/

Would your dad and his girlfriend be willing to go to some rehab classes with you? They have classes for the families of addicts to teach them how to support and encourage them. Sounds like they need something like that since they are making things harder on you than supporting your staying clean.

Ok, you need to try and stick this out. Do you have a rehab counselor? You should be discussing this with him/her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

would your dad and his gf be willing to go to some rehab classes with you? They have classes for the families of addicts to teach them how to support and encourage them. Sounds like they need something like that since they are making things harder on you than supporting your staying clean.

Yeah but they work a lot and they don't support me for anything they have tried getting my dad and her to go and they won't there "too busy" they won't even drive me to my rehab. I don't know what to do there ridicioulous.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Ok, you need to try and stick this out. Do you have a rehab counselor? You should be discussing this with him/her.

Yea I do. There very supporting and helpful.
They have tried to get my dad to do family councling and he won't because his "busy" with stuff.

In order for you to move back with your mom you mom has to want you back not just your sibblings. You made some bad choices and I'm glad that you are trying to clean up but I understand your mother's position and not allowing you back before you have stayed clean for a while. You can try to talk to your dad and ask him yourself if he will go with you if it is just the counelors asking him he probably won't feel like it will help you as much as if you were to ask him. But you can't say that you want him to go because they want him to be there you have to ask him because you want him with you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by stinawords

In order for you to move back with your mom you mom has to want you back not just your sibblings. You made some bad choices and I'm glad that you are trying to clean up but I understand your mother's possition and not allowing you back before you have stayed clean for a while. You can try to talk to your dad and ask him yourself if he will go with you if it is just the counelors asking him he probably won't feel like it will help you as much as if you were to ask him. But you can't say that you want him to go because they want him to be there you have to ask him because you want him with you.

Yeah. But my I know my dad wouldn't want to go. He's not into that stuff like counclers. Or family therepy. I need to move back to Michigan there's all there is my dad and his girlfriend tell me they don't like me. And they yell at me everyday and tell me that I'm ing stupid and an idiot. And how do you think I feel? I'm sorry its mich worse then it seems I can't deal with it.

I realize that it is hard for you. But you are quicly running out of options you can't go back to your mom until you have proven yourself to her period it might actually be easier if you try to stop thinking that is the only option because that is not an option at all. Are you enrolled in school? If so you can go talk to your school counselor he/she will have some ideas for you. So basically, (I know it will soun harsh) you thought you were old enough to decide what to do with and to your body by doing drugs now you have to realize that you are old enough to deal with the consequences, living with your dad and his girl friend. It could be worse you could have gone to juvy.

I hate to be harsh here, but you made your bed, now you have to learn to live with the choices you made.

On the other hand, you do sound like you are getting your life back together and have made a real commitment to turning things around. But part of that recovery is dealing with those bad choices and their consequences.

Work with your counselors so they can report back to mom that you are committed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I hate to be harsh here, but you made your bed, now you have to learn to live with the choices you made.

On the other hand, you do sound like you are getting your life back together and have made a real committment to turning things around. But part of that recovery is dealing with those bad choices and their consequences.

Work with your counselors so they can report back to mom that you are committed.

Thanks, but things seem to be getting worse everyday. And I don't know why everyday it's a new fight, how should I aproach my dad and tell him that the things he say hurt and that I am changing and I'm getting help, I really want to change/

Just find a time when he isn't busy and sit down and talk to him. Tell him that you want to talk about what's going on and just have a conversation with him. It won't get any better until you do and I won't guarantee that it will get better even then. Have you asked your mom how long you have to stay clean before she will let you back? It could be that your dad just sees you as a bother because you weren't there until it was because you were doing bad things.

Try writing a letter, go through several drafts until you believe it says what you want ti to say but wiothout accusing him of being a bad father. Then give it to him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Try writing a letter, go through several drafts until you beleive it says what you want ti to say but wiothout accusing him of being a bad father. then give it to him.

Thanks. Actually these past couple days with my dad have been very good.:] I hope it stays like thAT pray pleasE!