Ask Me Help Desk - When a Man Offers a Woman a Drink

If a man offers to buy you a drink and you're not interested in him, is it appropriate to accept it?

If you are only slightly interested, but you are curious enough to accept his introduction and a little small talk, do you have to stay with him until you finish that drink?

What if you actually finish that drink while talking with him, but you do not want to talk anymore AND you want to stay in that locale AND you see someone who you actually are very interested in getting to know?

What happens if you think you like the first man a little, but then you change your mind two minutes into the conversation?

If you're in a relationship, should you never accept a drink from a man you don't know?

These questions have been mulling around in my mind since my single years. I've politely refused so many drinks over the years, and I don't know if that was always so necessary. What's okay and what isn't?

I never talk to strangers LOL just kidding. I actually do talk to strangers, in stores, in parking lots, walking the dog, in the library but its just me ever curious about people.

To answer your question, I never accept a drink from a man at the bar because doing so indicates you are available, free and easy. At least in some bars in different countries.

I would love to buy you a drink and talk it over. What it your drink of choice? You don't have to choose one... just curious. I'm a curious boy.

Uhm...

I'm of the opinion that if a person buys you a drink and you accept, you owe them nothing... but you shouldn't be surprised if pursued.

These days I'm not in the bars so much, but there were times when id buy the table a drink to talk to the group when I wanted to talk to the girl... and honestly, even if she, or anyone else wasn't interested in me, I could usually get at least someone to dance with me for a song or two. Its one of the absolute charms of women... most just love to dance.

If a guy buys my wife a drink when we are out, I know she's getting attention and drinks. What's the harm in that?

I see no reason why a woman, single or in a relationship, couldn't accept a drink from a stranger. I think itd be best to be willing to talk to the person and let them know you are grateful, if not interested.

If woman bought me a drink and I wasn't comfortable in the situation, id accept it, buy her one back, and small talk at least to be polite enough to say thank you. After that, I've done my part.

Any guy who gets pi$$ed because he spent money on a drink that didn't provide the desired affect is a moron. You take a shot and sometimes it doesn't work. Likewise, a woman in a relationship didn't suddenly have blinders put on her...

You don't stop reading because you find a favorite author.

I leave linny to answer her part but you know, kp, if I am sitting at a bar I am waiting for someone, already drink in hand quite willing to talk though, as I said.

Your perception is yours of course but you know we all come from a different time and space and my time was when you just didn't accept a drink from a stranger at a bar. I have never lost lessons learned.

However, I will tip one up to you next time !

Ms tickle

you must know I respect your opinion tickle.

if all the world agreed with me, well... itd be a whole lot of me... what's the fun in that? I live with me all the time. Blah and blah.

if I were to not buy you a drink, what drink must I not buy you? =)

me...

I love a good red wine. White is easier to sustain over time. Love a decent champagne. Xmas morning is for mimosa's after attending midnight mass. A well done long island is yummy. And a nice scotch on rocks whilst lounging isn't the worst way to burn an evening. An ice cold beer when grilling is nice. And baileys and hot chocolate or coffee is good for a cold, dreary morning.

tho' I guess I'm not going to be bought a baileys and coffee from a stranger at the bar, right? :)

next round is on me. I'm not a complete stranger to either of you, and my intentions are just and honorable. Until they are not.

sorry. I am a boy after all.

That's all well and said, kp, but there is an old scottish saying where I come from : Its not the glint in your eye, Mactavish that bothers me, it's the tilt in yer kilt. That actually happened to me in Glasgow once upon a time, you think you have seen forward men, well you haven't until you have met up with a bunch of Scots at their old watering hole with double malt on the table ! No place for a decent woman, I'll tell you!

Ms tickle

Kp, I loved your answers. You brought up a lot of great points, and I simply can't argue with any of them (not that I'd want to). If you offered me a drink, I'd have to think about it (no, actually, I would not). Maybe we should start a thread asking how you should respond if a swedish-american chickadee offers you a sip from the old bottle. If I got the chance, that's just what I'd be doing.

These were my favorite lines, which have earned you a page of gold stars each:

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if a person buys you a drink and you accept, you owe them nothing... but you shouldn't be surprised if pursued.

Quote:

any guy who gets pi$$ed because he spent money on a drink that didn't provide the desired affect is a moron.

Quote:

you don't stop reading because you find a favorite author.

Darling, you are simply too cute to be so charming.

Tickle, I do appreciate the points you made. The only thing is that I would hope that accepting a drink would not imply that acceptor is easy. She might just be easy going. :) also, I understand your point about not talking to strangers, but a single woman won't have a very easy time meeting anyone down the road if she doesn't talk to people, or if she has to wait for a friend's formal introduction of them first. Then again, I might just be ballsy that way. I'll talk to almost anyone as long as they're not crazy.

I think I've run the gamut in the ways in which I've accepted or declined drinks. Still, declining a drink can feel awkward. This is especially true if you're standing at a bar and obviously going to be ordering one anyway. Try standing there and telling a guy that you can't accept his friendly offer because you're in a relationship. Technically, it might be significant information, but on the practical side, it's just weird and looks a little silly on all sides.

Deciding what to do usually comes down to a quick read of the kind of guy I might be dealing with, how interested I might be by the person, how the offer is presented, and who I'm with at the time.

I think the best way for a man to buy a woman a drink, at least when possible, is to be discrete about it. One way to accomplish this would be to pay for the drink without offering it to the woman. Then when the woman asks for the bill, the waiter or the bartender will tell her that the drink has already been paid for, at which time they also point out the man who did it.

The beauty of this is that if the woman is polite, she will go to the man herself to thank him. She will often be more inclined to speak with him because he was not overly forward in his manner, and his actions did not imply any obligations. I think that's terribly sexy.

If someone offers me a drink and I accept, I'll usually tell him that I'll have what they're having. I don't drink all that often, but when I do I really like to enjoy it. I really love going for a drink with friends after work or late on a Sunday afternoon to catch up and loosen up.

As far as drinks go, I generally prefer strong and bitter or strong and sour to something soft and sweet.

If dinner's involved, it's wine, preferably red, but white when appropriate. A glass of champagne or prosecco would be great beforehand. Of course, the same things are also wonderful when savored on their own. I love a good pub, and when I'm in one, I'm almost definitely going to go with beer. The only exception is if it's really cold out, in which case I will be glad to warm up with an occasional irish whiskey.

If I'm somewhere with a good bartender who knows how to make a really good cocktail, that's what I'll be going with. My favorite thing is to tell them to make me one of their personal favorites. This almost always results in something I'll be very happy to have. I'm perfectly happy with a simple vodka-and-something, be it tonic and lemon, coke, on the rocks with a twist, or a small splash of juice over the top.

Basically, the drink should fit the ambiance. If I'm in an american urban metropolis, a martini with olives (preferably not dirty) might get me feeling right at home. Girls' night out might mean a cosmo. In a piazza on a hot summer night? It's a caipiroska, a mojito, an americano or a negroni. A special brunch is greatly improved by the addition of a spicy bloody mary. If I'm in the mood to dance, a good long island will get me going. Any place with cilantro is in the air qualifies for a no salt/light salt margarita. The best "mixologist" drinks I've had of late were made with cucumber and ginger. I am now a cucumber drink convert.

It's unlikely that you'll find me with a glass of blue something or other. If there's an artificial syrup involved, I'm usually not going to be inclined to drink it. By the same token, unless I'm lying in front of a beach in I tropical location, I would prefer that my drink not look like a pineapple.

In general, I tend to like manlier drinks than girly ones. A warm cognac, a good brandy or a nice whiskey are ideal as after dinner drinks.

Now you know all of my secrets. *wink. I don't mind.

I'm going to pipe in.

In my day (goodness that makes me sound old) it was okay to accept a drink from someone, even if you were in a relationship. Just a thank you should be enough.

Nowadays I think you have to be more careful. Guys buy girls drinks and then slip a little something extra in. Before you know it you're waking up in a strange bed naked not remembering what happened.

The good old days are long past, if I were going to the bars today I wouldn't drink anything I didn't see poured into the glass right before my eyes.

Okay, maybe a bit overy cautious, but a girl can't be to careful. Call me paranoid. ;)

now you know all of my secrets. *wink. i don't mind

Hmmm. I think thee a liar. But thanks for the list. Helps complete the picture.

Hmm... the only thing I have against martinis are the glasses. Super cool as hell, but completely impractical. You can spill a third of it just walking up stairs, I swear. Maybe its just me.

I might have spilled some on my shirt. Guess ill have to take it off.

Oops. I'm threadjacking again. Oh well.

Bad KP, you must be punished. ;)

Oh look, I'm joining you in the threadjacking, I guess we're partners in crime.

Maybe we can share a cell. ;)

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Bad KP, you must be punished. ;)

Oh look, I'm joining you in the threadjacking, I guess we're partners in crime.

Maybe we can share a cell. ;)

You like top bunk, right?

Quote:

Originally Posted by kp2171

you like top bunk, right?

Dibs on top, now put on the handcuffs and lead me away.;)

Bad Alty! You're leading me down the road of temptation KP, or am I leading you? Who's following? Oh, who cares, it's all fun! :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Dibs on top, now put on the handcuffs and lead me away.;)

Bad Alty! You're leading me down the road of temptation KP, or am I leading you? Who's following? Oh, who cares, it's all fun! :D

Hmm... I think you can put the cuffs on me with my hands behind your back.

Oh.. yeah... fake boobs... just to keep it on targret per the OP'er.

Tho' I've never tasted a nipple I didn't like...

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tho' I've never tasted a nipple I didn't like...

And I've never tasted a... wait, I think I might be going too far.

Quote:

oh.. yeah... fake boobs... just to keep it on targret per the OP'er.

KP honey, wrong thread, we're on the women and drinks thread right now. Get your mind off the boobs. I know it's hard, is it hard, tell me it's hard. ;)

Darnit, we have our private cell for stuff like this, I just can't help myself.

Another 100 lashes for Alty. ::hangs head in shame::

Mkay... that's just too funny.

I'm getting threads mixed up.

Might lose my "expert" status if I'm not careful.

Oh well.

I'm a boy. Boobs. Drinks. Its all good.

My sincere apologies to those good souls who aren't twisted like me.

I'm with you KP, twisted, but I don't enjoy the same things. Penis, drinks it's all good. :)

Oh my, I'm feeling all flustered and hubby has the night off. Why am I sitting here typing? I've got a man upstairs waiting for me. Um, got to go, talk to you tomorrow, I'll give you the play by play then. ;)

I must share your opinion regarding martini glasses. I'm sure you could sit down and analyze the physics issues that arise when a glass is open at a 35 degree angle. It's unrealistic but very vogue looking.

Did you guys get wasted? Um, and without me? tickle's in the bathroom throwing up. She's really pissed off. She's saying that you better not touch her with your roofie dropping arses. In all seriousness, I'm sure tickle's having a fit. She's a respectable woman. One out of three ain't bad.

Okay, kp. This means you. Smooth down your kilt, and let's go. I said smooth down... whoops! Okay.

Now, about those roofies. You shouldn't leave your glass unattended. I have a friend who got roofied, and it was awful. I've left more than one half full glass for the clean up crew. When in doubt, leave it. Get another one.

So, regarding proper etiquette...

I really do want more answers to the questions at hand.

I would also like to know the best ways of turning a man down if he offers me a drink and I don't want him to buy it for me.

I know. Life's so tough.

ms. tickle's ettiquette book says that you can turn a man down when offered a drink by saying quite simply, thanks but no thanks. If they persist then get off your stool and leave.

Me straight-laced, I don't think so, linny !

Now that I have divulged my tendency towards men in kilts, did I ever tell you the story about the arab in Cairo... m mmmmmm, or the Mountie in the Rockies, or the... maybe I should stop now. No, I have had my fun and looking forward to more.

Alty, the arab in cairo (with the camel) was far more interesting then the mountie. I must send you pics some time, or, maybe not. It will destroy my pristine image on the forum and not allow me to further my ambitions.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tickle

alty, the arab in cairo (with the camel) was far more interesting then the mountie. I must send you pics some time, or, maybe not. It will destroy my pristine image on the forum and not allow me to further my ambitions.

Haha! That was very funny.

Please, please recount your stories.

I shall sit us in front of a blazing fire.

Kp will protect us from any sneaky peepers. If he finds one, *boink*! He'll bop them on the nose with his bopping stick. It's beautiful. I'm pretty sure he has got his kilt on. A quick flip up, and away we go!

Now all I need is a tiny skirt to match...