Ask Me Help Desk - I Have an adult crush. What do I do?

This is my story... I am single and I have the biggest crush on one of my coworkers. I have been working with him since April but we worked out of different offices so I only saw him once and a while. In staff meetings and in passing. More recently I received a promotion and now will have to have more regular contact with him. Im not sure how Im going to handle this... I fell like a kid (Im 34) when Im around him and usually find myself at a loss for words, I have trouble maintaining eye contact with him when we are speaking... I think I can almost tell that he likes me too. 1 big problem I think he may be under the impression that I have a boyfriend because of something one of my mangers said months back in a meeting... at the time it was just a lighthearted joke but I do remember getting up from the table thinking Damn now he's going to think Im in a relationship... I think this may be the reason he has not approached me on a personal level... What do I do?? I think about him all the time and I know we would be great together... when we talk I really enjoy our conversations... Im thinking with us working closer soon will this be my chance and how should I go about it? Please Please help:confused:

You should just casually say after one of your good conversations...

"I have to get back to work but I would really love to continue our conversation, would you like to grab a bite after work?"

Quote:

Originally Posted by uvware

You should just casually say after one of your good conversations.....

"I have to get back to work but I would really love to continue our conversation, would you like to grab a bite after work?"

I have thought about that but all of our conversation are always work related how do I propose that cross over from work to personal?

I would keep it all business at work, as relationships with co workers can be quite a distraction, especially when they don't work. What do you know about this fellow any way, other than where he works? Don't let those feelings over ride good common sense.

There must be some point in the conversatoin where you talk personal?

Do you know of any of his likes? Sports teams, restaurants, etc? Maybe say... I heard you liked Italian food and I've been meaning to try this new place out, would you like to go?

The other thing is sometimes just let the relationship go it's course, sometimes over time after you've known each other.

Am I right to assume that your company does not have a policy forbidding dating with co-workers?

I know that he also coaches Basketball so I know he likes that he has done it for a long while now... and no there is no company policy forbidding coworkers from dating each other. Im just feeling like I only live once and I do think the attraction is mutual. A small part of me does feel like if I say something and its not mutual I will never be able to face him again... so stuck...

Quote:

Originally Posted by uvware

There must be some point in the conversatoin where you talk personal?

Do you know of any of his likes? Sports teams, restaurants, etc? Maybe say...I heard you liked Italian food and I've been meaning to try this new place out, would you like to go?

the other thing is sometimes just let the relationship go it's course, sometimes over time after you've known each other.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I would keep it all business at work, as relationships with co workers can be quite a distraction, especially when they don't work. What do you know about this fellow any way, other than where he works?? Don't let those feelings over ride good common sense.

Well we work for the same company but not in the same location so I do think we would be able to date without it being a distraction. The only time we would be at the same place would be once a month for a 2hr staff meeting. I don't feel I would be distracted with my work for these reasons. I know that he has no kids and has never been married, I know he lives alone and owns his home. He seems to have a lot going for himself>>>>>> seems worth pursuing

I dated a man in a company with a no relationship policy. It was actually easy for us because we both kept work, work and personal, personal.

People were surprised after 3 years when word got out that we had been dating. As long as you understand your boundaries and communicate effectively working and dating someone can work. We had rules... if we were in a argument, the conversation happened outside the building or after work. We also had (as corny as this sounds) a signal to let the other person " i love you" or "need to talk now".

Since he likes basketball, ask him about that. Does he play? Coach? When did start playing the game? What's his favorite team, etc.

Lastly, you are so right. You live once, if you don't ask or try to move the communications forward you could always wonder "What if" and I personally hate "What ifs". And if he does turn you down... that's OK it wasn't meant to be at least he isn't in the office next to you. God for it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by uvware

I dated a man in a company with a no relationship policy. It was actually easy for us because we both kept work, work and personal, personal.

People were surprised after 3 years when word got out that we had been dating. As long as you understand your boundaries and communicate effectively working and dating someone can work. We had rules....if we were in a arguement, the conversation happened outside the building or after work. We also had (as corny as this sounds) a signal to let the other person " i love you" or "need to talk now".

Since he likes basketball, ask him about that. Does he play? Coach? When did start playing the game? What's his favorite team, etc.

Lastly, you are so right. You live once, if you don't ask or try to move the communications forward you could always wonder "What if" and I personally hate "What ifs". And if he does turn you down....that's ok it wasn't meant to be at least he isn't in the office next to you. God for it!

Thanks to everyone for the advice. I still have not said anything but I think I am going to soon. Yesterday I was in his office working and he was not there. When I left I placed a letter on his desk for him. It was professional with a personal touch. Hand written being the personalisim... I may have sent and email or just left a post it for someone else. Im thinking that he will calll me this morning and say thanks, if he does this will be my chance maybe... if I don't chicken out. Im thinking if I make him aware now maybe we could go out by NewYears lol... any further suggestions?? :p