Ask Me Help Desk - Stuck in A Rut With The Hubby

Stuck in A Rut With The Hubby

Okay so me and my husband have been married for almost 2 years now and I am expecting our first child in April,I have been dealing with a lot of my in-laws since getting married. First off I live my Husband and His Father and then to top it off I am also living with his 24 year old sister and her 10 month old baby boy... My question is I am really finding it hard to be understanding and considerate to the in laws since niether one is working and my husband and I keep the fort up for the whole family.Bills,Rent,Food and etc.. It has gotten harder on my marriage as well because we have our own baby coming and not our own home.. So basically I just need some advice on, how long should I put up with this and what I should do about it?:confused:

Is there a reason his family has to live with you and not on their own?

In a situation like this you can't hold back your feelings any longer. You need to get everyone off their butts and tell them to help out. Once you have the baby nobody will be able to keep the fort up and running. You need to be honest with everyone. If they don't do anything then move to an apartment until they all come to their senses.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

Is there a reason his family has to live with you and not on their own?

Okay I will make it short and simple.. the dad has no physical problems, he was laid off from his job 15 years ago and ever since has not worked because my husband provides for him.. he has now become lazy and unmotivated to work.. now about the sister she is a whole other story she is a drunk and was not very safe with sexually parteners so in the long run got preganet and does not know who the father of the baby is so she is screwed as well.. So she turns to her trusty brother for support WHO would never leave her stranded with her baby so she is here with us... Her priorites are all out of wack and she is very eresponicable.. so...

Quote:

Originally Posted by DDLM55

In a situation like this you can't hold back your feelings any longer. You need to get everyone off their butts and tell them to help out. Once you have the baby nobody will be able to keep the fort up and running. You need to be honest with everyone. If they dont do anything then move to an apartment until they all come to their senses.

WOW thanks for the advice you just took the words right out of my mouth and exactally how I feel and what I need and want to do and have already spoke my mind and nobody does nothing.. So I guess I should just leave to make things easier on myself and my unborn child.. :)

I hate to sound rude here, but your husband's priorities are out of whack also. He now has a family to support. These people are milking him and he is enabling that behavior.

Might be a good time to sit down with the hubby and discuss family priorities.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

I hate to sound rude here, but your husband's priorities are out of whack also. He now has a family to support. These people are milking him and he is enabling that behavior.

Might be a good time to sit down with the hubby and discuss family priorities.

Exactly!

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

I hate to sound rude here, but your husband's priorities are out of whack also. He now has a family to support. These people are milking him and he is enabling that behavior.

Might be a good time to sit down with the hubby and discuss family priorities.

Believe or not I have spoke to my husband this morning and he has disagreed with everything I have said as far as the family sucking us dry of OUR money and INTERUPTING OUR marriage.. I have NO say and I am of no consideration.. even thought I am carring his child.. this sucks and I am so sad and hurt

Gina hun, you have every right to be upset and hurt. Is this just now bothering you or has this been going on for a while?

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

Gina hun, you have every right to be upset and hurt. Is this just now bothering you or has this been going on for a while?

It has been bothering me for quite some time now and actually has gotten a lot worse since I have been preganet... I am so stressed out and depressed and I know it is not good for the baby so I just hold it all in until I just break down and cry due to all the stress and build up.. allthough trying to be mellow so I don't distress the baby too.. Better to cry then to hold it in... Right?

You shouldn't cry anymore over this. Your husband should understand that it is not just you and your body now.

There is another human being to think of.

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Originally Posted by southerngalps

you shouldn't cry anymore over this. Your husband should understand that it is not just you and your body now.

There is another human being to think of.

Amen..

I have had a similar problem... you and your hubby need your space... it is really hard to live with someone especially in laws... you and your hubby need to have a talk and you need to let them know you need to have your own space and own home and start preparing a healthy home for your new baby. Maybe he can sit down and talk to them and give them a time to be out by cause that could be poison to your relationship with your husband. You guys will always have disagreements as long as you have them living with you...

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Originally Posted by tampamommy

i have had a similar problem... you and your hubby need your space... it is really hard to live with someone especially in laws.... you and your hubby need to have a talk and you need to let them know you need to have your own space and own home and start preparing a healthy home for your new baby. maybe he can sit down and talk to them and give them a time to be out by cause that could be poison to your relationship with your husband. you guys will always have disagreements as long as you have them living with you....

I agree 100 and 10% the disscussion has be disscused and the only problem is... that they have NO WHERE TO GO so until a door opens there is NO WAY my husband is going to leave them a stray.. so as for me paticance is all I can do and have and just hope for the best and not the worse.. =) thanks for your opinion it truly helps..