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-   -   Daughter and mother (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=286118)

  • Nov 28, 2008, 06:37 PM
    grandmamlo55
    Daughter and mother
    I really need to know where I can turn for help. My daughter has a bad drug problem, no insurance, no money, no job, no thing... She even say that she does not have a problem..

    If I do not get her help soon I feel she is going to harm herself and god only knows who else... she has had a wreck about 2 weeks ago, gave her children up, and will only have something to do with people that drunks or do drugs..

    She can not get along with anyone, Will take money etc from family... she is not going to like me at all for trying to get her help.. But I do not want to see her overdo drugs or what ever they do... I am not crazy I just do not know what to do or where to turn... I am just a worried mother with no money to pay for a big bill...

    Cany you please tell me where to turn... I live in AL. She lives a short drive away in TN.. for right now anyway..
  • Nov 28, 2008, 07:32 PM
    KBC

    Unfortunately,she is an adult,she has the right to make her own way in this life.

    You are powerless to do anything for her,unless you can press charges,for something you can prove she did,which broke some law.

    I am a recovering drug addict/alcoholic,In our meetings we say this exact thing to all newcomers.The only person who can change her,is her.

    I am sorry she is not being the daughter you think she should be,but you are without legal bounds to change her.

    If she could be introduced to NA meetings,they could do her some good,but if she doesn't see herself as needing any help... well, that's that.
  • Nov 28, 2008, 07:49 PM
    COOKIE MONSTER

    Hun I'm sorry to say this but she has to admit she has a problem before she will except help from anyone,and you said she doesn't think she has a problem which is her in denial which is a big problem.
    You need to find out what drugs she is on so you know what you are dealing with and how big this actually is.
    If its hash/pot cannabis I don't know what you call it there,its not as addictive as everybody says it is,I know from experience I smoked pot for 10+ years and gave up just like that.
    Coke, ketamine ,crack,heroin,amphetamine or crystal meth then this is a big problem and needs admitting to a drugs rehabilitation unit and will cost a lot.

    Your first job should be finding out if there are any out reach centrers that deal with drug users.
    And trying to get her to admit she has a problem.
    Did she willingly give her children up?
    Has anything happened to her that would push her towards drugs like a death,postnatal depression,depression,falling out with family member?

    I know I turned to drugs because of lack of family support,depression,to escape reality

    Would help if you knew what pushed her towards them because them you could concentrate on the problem and try and talk to her about it,see if it breaks down any walls that's she's built up.
  • Nov 28, 2008, 07:52 PM
    momof4and1

    I thought for a second that you were talking about my sister... She has made all the same mistakes. Abusing drugs, alcohol, you name it. She even got 3 DUI's in such a short span they weren't even in the system yet for her to get what she really should have. You are really at a loss, I hate to say it. She has to hit a real rock bottom before she will realize it. At the same time, it is so hard to watch it happening. But you have to know that the more you enable her, the worse it will be and longer she will be that way. My parents have enabled my sister, by letting her live there, etc, so she knows she will never "fall". Good Luck and I will be praying for her safety and recovery. KBC is right from what I learned.
  • Mar 15, 2010, 06:36 PM
    giugnogirl

    Hi
    I think the only thing that you should do at this point is PRAY. And let it go. That's something I've done for many years, and it always works. Just let it go, and have faith in Jesus. I know it's simple but faith is not a complicated issue. God bless --
  • Mar 22, 2010, 05:26 AM
    Jake2008

    It is important in my opinion, for you to just continue to tell her when you have the opportunity, that when she is ready to address her addiction problems, you will help her.

    She has to help herself first.

    That her lifestyle has already cost her her children, doesn't sound to me that she is ready to change.

    As heartbreaking as this is to you, try to focus on keeping busy, and resuming a normal life. It might help for you to keep a diary every day to get your thoughts and feelings out on paper. It will make it easier to cope, and repetative thoughts about her will ease up, if you learn how to deal with them.

    As a mother of a child who went through this, although not quite this extent, I wish I had allowed myself the luxury of not worrying so much- I'm sure it took years off my life.

    You may want to consider counselling for yourself if you can. It will help, and group therapy for others in similar situations is also an option.

    When she does come around, you may find yourself with a person who is both addicted, and in need of a mental health analysis. You will have your work cut out for you when this all starts to happen.

    Try not to worry so much. Make sure you take good care of yourself.

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