I posted last week about my boyfriend wanting to leave due to my temper and anger. We are still together but he is so indecisive about leaving. Everyday he asks me "What should I do?" and "I'm scared you won't change". I keep telling him that I'm trying harder and seeking help, reading books and that I can't make that decision for him to stay. All I know is that I have to focus on myself and he either wants to be in this relationship or he doesn't. I tell him that I want him to stay and see me through and stand by my side. The thing is, he has been asking me to deal with my anger for so long now and I am just now willing to make the effort. We live together so it's hard to give him that space. Any suggestions on what I should do at this point? I can't stand him changing his mind daily whether he should stay or move out. I want him to make a clear and conscience decision and I don't want to overbear him. If I completely back off, do my own thing, go out with friends and not be affectionate with him, he will assume that I don't care and that it's over. I'm so confused!

Okay! Yeah, this is an easy one.

Sit him down explain to him that your going to go to anger management classes, read books, need to vent sometimes, and do different things other then express your huge attitude, and ask him to commit to be being your side through it all, so it works out. If he says, "oh, i don't know if i can" or "i don't know if i want to" or simply a "no", I would walk for yourself. What if you had the flu or some illness, and you needed him to be there for you and he responded the same way, would you want to spend your life with this person? I don't think so. You might have to walk away for you...

Hope this helps you. Take care.

Just remember what all you have put him through, and be as patient with him, as he has been with you. Can you blame him for worrying??

Reassure him, thats what you do, and show appreciation for him being there, as he may voice doubt with words, but his actions say he is trying.

After all he is still there. Have some understanding, and empathy, as he certainly deserves it.

I would have been long gone, and would not have put up with any of your BS, and you would be improving yourself, by yourself.

Count yourself lucky he still cares.

Thanks for your response. He has also stated that if he stays he is not going to make this very easy on me. He pays me rent (I own the house) and told me that he is deducting money off his rent, and there will be no intimacy until I lose weight. He states that those are what I have to agree to do since I have put him through so much pain. Should I agree to this since I ruined the relationship or should I tell him he is either in or out and must act like a boyfriend 100%. Am I being selfish or is he?

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Originally Posted by canadagirl82

and there will be no intimacy until I lose weight.

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Whoa... whoa! That's not cool. How is your weight in any way related to going to anger management classes? I say walk away... maybe that's just me. Yeah, it sounds like he's put up with your anger problems for a while and yeah, that would be frustrating but come on, now it sounds like he's just taking advantage of the situation and being shallow on top of that.

I have been telling him for a year that I want to lose some weight. He states that it's not about the actual weight, it's my word that counts. But my weight has also been a bit of an issue for us. He is constantly on me about it, but it could be cause I always talk about it.

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There will be no intimacy until I lose weight.

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That explains your anger, I would be mad if someone told me that too!

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I have been telling him for a year that I want to lose some weight. He states that it's not about the actual weight, it's my word that counts.

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He has a point there as its frustrating to hear someone complain and be unhappy, but do nothing about it.

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But my weight has also been a bit of an issue for us. He is constantly on me about it, but it could be cause I always talk about it.

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Not to make excuses for either of you, but a simple sit down, and making a plan of action, could help you both, as maybe your issues are based in frustration, so eliminate the frustration, with action. Define what you want, and go for it.

I mean, you both should be working together to solve your issues, thru honest communications, and positive actions, toward each other.