Quick bio. I married my Husband when I was 22- he was 38. He molded me into the perfect wife to take care of his four stepchildren. He wouldn't have children with me, so I had one on my own- and divorced him. We reconciled and remarried a year ago, and he adopted my daughter. He knew I wanted more kids... so he was granted guardianship of his 4 year old grandaughter, thinking that would help?? Now I take care of this little jerk full-time. I think she's retarded, but his family says no. She kicks our cat and dog, squeezes the hamster. Craps & pees in her pants literally every 15 minutes. Pokes at peoples eyes, hits my 5 year old, breaks her toys, breaks EVERYTHING. Can't walk without falling, doesn't know a single color, letter or number. She has no imagination, doesn't even color in coloring books, can't draw a stick person, can't dress herself or talk right (she repeats everything like Rainmain) All of this is on MY hands! I told my husband that I cannot deal with it- and he told me that I have to. This kid is going to grow up to be a serial killer! She is NOT a substitute for me having another baby! On top of all this, I'm just getting a grip on alcoholism, but I want to hit that bottle of tequila harder than ever! I've been treated for depression... but I can't get out of bed, take a shower, cook a meal... nothing! I HATE even hearing this kids voice... and I am her sole care-giver since my husband isn't here ever! I want to hit her so hard. HELP ME.:confused:

I hope someone who runs this site turns u into the POLICE! Who monitors this site?

I agree with Speederdh... are you serious... if you are not capable to care for her try getting help or asking someone, every life is worth something... I think you need more than our help... this shouldn'd be a place you turn to for this kind of help... you go to a lawyer for your husband to start getting the child the care she deserves... she is only 4yrs... you should not even be allowed to say suck things about a child, even if she is she might be disabled.

This girl pokes at everyone's eyes! She hurts our animals continuously! She held my daughters head under water repeated times! I'm nervous with her in my house! She is disrupting our home- and she's only 4! Why do you think her mother gave her up? BTW... her mother was the same way. THAT is a serious problem! I've always taught my daughter to be a lady- to fight with her words, not her fists, but it angers me that this kid comes in and starts wailin' on my daughter everyday! There's something wrong with her! We have to hide food from her... she's huge! We found her eating out of the garbage can, then the cats food dish. My husband found about 20 dead bugs in her bed about a week ago. Does this sound normal to you? Let her rub her poop on your couch 5x a day, and poke your kids in the eye with a corn-cob holder (stuff like this happens all day, everyday)... then you can tell me that YOU've been able to maintain your composure. All I'm asking for is advice. And no, I would never hit a kid... I don't even spank my own. I was just venting. Thanks for your help. :(

Thanks Nightingale. I CANNOT handle her. My husband won't even take her with him to run errands because of her behavior. He just leaves her with me. After 6 months of having her... he fails to realize that she hasn't gotten better, and there HAS to be a problem! Meanwhile, he won't take her anywhere (he takes our daughter), so I've spent everyday of the last 6 months with her... and no alone time with MY babygirl. It just isn't fair. I just need a break. My husband is too lazy to get insurance on her, so I can't bring her in to have her evaluated. So I guess she'll start kindergarten next year... and I'm sure the teachers will recommend some programs for her.

Tired_Girl,I feel for you.

This has to be a very tedious situation and you are right to vent in here.

The first 2 posters were new to this site and don't see the rewards of helping others,after all this is ASK ME HELPDesk!

Don't be discouraged by them.

Have you attempted to contact a mental health or social worker yet?

They might be able to help you deal with this,even if it means giving up this chaos and leaving the situation behind you.

If your husband doesn't see what you see, how do you communicate your needs to him?

Are you still in withdraws from alcohol?

What do the other children think about this grand daughter?

Write back soon,

KBC

Hi Tired Girl
Glad to hear you didn't mean it... I don't like when kids are being abused because regardless of whether they are bad, sometimes it takes all you can to help that person. Anyway, as for the child, I would not wait until she attends school to get help, From your last post, she seems to be needing it urgently before she hurts herself. You can take her to see a doctor, doctors can refer her to a specialist. I guess taking your husband up with a lawyer is a bit extreme but he needs to realize that his flesh and blood needs help. She is young and doesn't know how to get help this is why we as adults are there to guide them. Anyway, talk to your husband, a social worker and a doctor (especially a doctor). I really wish you luck because it will be hard at first for everyone but once she gets the help she needs, it should be a bit easier (mostly on your nerves) but at least it's a start. But be advised that it will take some work on your part. Even though she is not your child, she is still a child and needs as much love as she can get. So good luck and ensure she sees a doctor soon (they will guide you in the right direction).

I can understand what you are saying and I am sure she can be a chore and causing you mental anguish. I had a lot to deal with my son but we got through it. Your husband should have consulted with you about if you wanted to take this girl in 'as a substitute and that in itself could be a good deal of your issue of resentment toward her.
First, you need to deal with your feelings. You need to look at her from a different perspective. Look at it as a challenge and that you can mold her into a loving human being. Look past your own feelings and try to identify with hers. Realize that your actions could be causing her reactions as well. Kids will do things for negative attention when they see they are not getting positive attention so you need to figure out how to handle her in a way that is going to get different responses from her. She could be hurting and need you to be the one that reaches out and 'rescues' her.
Have you ever sat down and tried coloring with her?
Have you praised and rewarded her when she does go potty or do the right thing?
Spend more time trying to evaluate your attitude and better ways to deal with the problems.
I have seen movies and heard stories of parents that had autistic or ill behaved kids that did wonders by figuring the right way to go about handling their needs. She may be autistic or she may just be hurting in either case you need to find a way to reach her.

There are agencies that may be able to help with her needs and helping you to learn to be who you need to be for her.

Have you reached any solution yet?

Were interested in your decision.

KBC