So here is the deal, I have a really close friend in fact we've been so close for the past 5 years that we actually consider each other siblings. Everyone knows us as brother and sister. He is in aq gang. In fact he has been involved with the gang ever since I can remember. A few years back I got involved as well. He is a full out member and a local leader actually. I never got that involved but close. However in July I got out. I went from living with him and being on call anytime of the day to do whatever needed to be done, to living as far away from it as possible. And for awhile it was working I cut off all contact with him and was doing really good about staying out of it. That was until we started talking again. At first he seemed OK with me not going back but now he really wants my help. For all that matters he's still my brother and I love him but even the cops have my name now and I have a better life now. How can I tell him that I am growing up and no longer want to be part of the gang without severing my relationship with him?

Do you really want your life to be the life (and death) a gang member would experience? It's an incredibly hard life and jail would likely be in your future. Is this guy worth going to jail or dying for? You're worth more than that.

You need to get away before it's too late. It's terribly hard to sever those close relationships but unless he's willing to give up the gang to be with you he's just using you.

If he's willing to make the function of the gang helping members become productive members of society then stay with him and help the change. The family environment of the gang can be used to promote staying in school, staying away from drugs and alcohol, avoiding jail by not committing crimes, etc. (Good luck with that one, if you two can pull off the gang with the highest GPA--high school and college--and the fewest members with criminal records and clean drug tests you will have officially performed a miracle.)

If he truly wants what's best for you he will let you go.
Ber

What it comes down to is the fact that you're putting yourself in physical danger to be with him. You can love him as a brother, but he is endangering your well-being and exposing you to the possibility of criminal arrest.

What would a sister/cousin/friend if she was in this situation?

You can love him from afar, but stand up for yourself. Be honest with him and tell him that you don't want to get in legal trouble, you don't want to end up on the side of the road, you don't want to ruin your life, but that you love him and will be here for him, just not a part of his gang lifestyle.

It's going to be hard, but you need to stand up for yourself and say no. Be the example that he needs to see...

... you never know, you could be the reason he starts to see the reasoning behind leaving a gang.