2 yrs ago, I became a widow from a sudden/tragic death w/the love of my life. 6 months ago, I met a man I love very much. But, my grief has left me insecure & doubting and it is taking toll. Once a month after a few drinks I turn on him very angrily, break up with him, call him names. I began to see a grief counselor again to try to stop it, but I have put an immeasurable strain on a very young relationship. This is deeply personal, I know, but I wanted to get outsiders opinions on our email exhange . Any help is appreciated. Or if anyone has gone through this personally?

My question: I don't really know where we are at right now, maybe because the vibe I am reading is that you are unsure of me and us. Are you? If so, believe me I understand.

His answer: I don't know that I am. I think the turning the page thing has bruised what once was and your continuous doubt and question doesn't make me feel too secure about things either. That being said, I also love you deeply. You are my best friend and you are one of the coolest people on my cool people list. I want us to work and I have as well been sitting idle, waiting to see what's around the corner for us. All the things we discuss doing together are still fascinating to me and I hope regardless of what happens we can still enjoy all kinds of wonderous moments together. I know also that I am still in repair mode and will probably be for some time. Nonetheless I still love you infinately.

2 yrs ago, I became a widow from a sudden/tragic death w/the love of my life. 6 months ago, I met a man I love very much. But, my grief has left me insecure & doubting and it is taking toll. Once a month after a few drinks I turn on him very angrily, break up with him, call him names. I began to see a grief counselor again to try to stop it, but I have put an immeasurable strain on a very young relationship. This is deeply personal, I know, but I wanted to get outsiders opinions on our email exhange . Any help is appreciated. Or if anyone has gone through this personally?

My question: I don't really know where we are at right now, maybe because the vibe I am reading is that you are unsure of me and us. Are you? If so, believe me I understand.
His answer: I don't know that I am. I think the turning the page thing has bruised what once was and your continuous doubt and question doesn't make me feel too secure about things either. That being said, I also love you deeply. You are my best friend and you are one of the coolest people on my cool people list. I want us to work and I have as well been sitting idle, waiting to see what's around the corner for us. All the things we discuss doing together are still fascinating to me and I hope regardless of what happens we can still enjoy all kinds of wonderous moments together. I know also that I am still in repair mode and will probably be for some time. Nonetheless I still love you infinately.

2 yrs ago, I became a widow from a sudden/tragic death w/the love of my life. 6 months ago, I met a man I love very much. But, my grief has left me insecure & doubting and it is taking toll. Once a month after a few drinks I turn on him very angrily, break up with him, call him names. I began to see a grief counselor again to try to stop it, but I have put an immeasurable strain on a very young relationship. This is deeply personal, I know, but I wanted to get outsiders opinions on our email exhange or any personal or professional suggestions .

My question: I don't really know where we are at right now, maybe because the vibe I am reading is that you are unsure of me and us. Are you? If so, believe me I understand.


His answer: I don't know that I am. I think the turning the page thing has bruised what once was and your continuous doubt and question doesn't make me feel too secure about things either. That being said, I also love you deeply. You are my best friend and you are one of the coolest people on my cool people list. I want us to work and I have as well been sitting idle, waiting to see what's around the corner for us. All the things we discuss doing together are still fascinating to me and I hope regardless of what happens we can still enjoy all kinds of wonderous moments together. I know also that I am still in repair mode and will probably be for some time. Nonetheless I still love you infinately.

Have you studied the five steps of grief?

They describe the processes we go through while in a recovery of an emotional trauma,such as the loss you describe.

I'll copy them if you'd like and post them for you to look over.

KBC
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/parano...ad-282098.html

It sounds like he is willing to wait and be patient with you while you are still grieving (which I'm assuming you still are-based on the 5 stages of grief that KBC pointed out). He knows that you care for him and understands that it will take a while for you to accept everything that has happened.

My advice would be to continue to see the counselor and try and figure out why it is that you lash out on him. What triggers it? If this happens once a month, there might be a specific trigger that causes you to become angry with him and if you can figure out what this is, then you can probably fix it.

rogers5874,

Two years isn't such a long time. Maybe you just need more time on your own to deal with the grief.

The Light Beyond Bereavement Forums

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rogers5874

2 yrs ago, I became a widow from a sudden/tragic death w/the love of my life. 6 mos ago, I met a man I love very much. But, my grief has left me insecure & doubting and it is taking toll. Once a month after a few drinks I turn on him very angrily, break up with him, call him names. I began to see a grief counselor again to try to stop it, but I have put an immeasurable strain on a very young relationship. This is deeply personal, I know, but I wanted to get outsiders opinions on our email exhange . Any help is appreciated. or if anyone has gone throught this personally?

My question: I don't really know where we are at right now, maybe because the vibe I am reading is that you are unsure of me and us. Are you? If so, believe me I understand.
His answer: I don't know that I am. I think the turning the page thing has bruised what once was and your continuous doubt and question doesn't make me feel too secure about things either. That being said, I also love you deeply. You are my best friend and you are one of the coolest people on my cool people list. I want us to work and I have as well been sitting idle, waiting to see what's around the corner for us. All the things we discuss doing together are still fascinating to me and I hope regardless of what happens we can still enjoy all kinds of wonderous moments together. I know also that I am still in repair mode and will probably be for some time. Nonetheless I still love you infinately.

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My concern would be the "after a few drinks you turn on him" part. Apparently this has happened more than once?

My opinion on the message (and you aren't going to want to hear this) - he's in repair mode and will be for some time means he's finished for the moment and only time will change that. I see no indication he wants to be in contact and resolve things now.

I have an ex-husband I will probably always love. That doesn't mean I want to see him or have contact with him. Sometimes the good times and memories are overwhelmed by memories of the bad times.

And it is very, very possible that you are simply not emotionally prepared to move on and so you will consciously or unconsciously sink relationships until you are ready to move on. That's unfair to you and anyone you date.

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