Ah this may be a little long, been reading a few topics here for a about a month, and thought I might as well come out

My Ex and met 3 years ago. I did not want a relationship at that time, as I was dealing with trust issues, as my previous ex before just one day stopped answering her phone talking to me with no explanation. My best friend at that time a female told me how her friend thought I was cute and that I should ask her out, so I did. Right off the bat we hit it off, saw it each other like 4 times a week, everything was going fine and dandy until her parents found out about us. Her parents just wanted her to concentrate on her studies and thought I was getting in the way.

So she told me and started to cry, and how she knows I'm going to break up with her because I couldn't see her so much etc. and how she cut herself and doesn't want to live etc. anymore. I really liked her and was scared what she would do, so I said its OK we can work through. We still saw each other allot though and everything was going smoothly, barely any fights, we were each others anchor, I told her everything things I never told anyone, anything she needed I was there for her.

For the first time in my life, I fell in love, and it felt great. I would go to work and just sit in a chair for hours until she was done, I would travel about 1.5 hours to see her even for 15 minutes that's how much I loved her.

She started university the next year, and was struggling with school and work, so me being the kind idiot I told her to quit her job I'll look after her and to concentrate on her studies, so I bought her school books, bus pass, food anything she needed, Mr. nice idiot was there so she wouldn't be stressed. Her English wasn't the greatest as it wasn't her mother tongue, so I helped her do her English essays etc. she was really smart and got on dean's list etc. and I was extremely happy for her etc.

Before I get into the crummy part of the story, few things you should know.

All the previous boyfriend's my ex had used her for sex and money and that's the first thing she told me when we got together and she was scared I would do it as well. Well I told her not to worry I'm not that type of person, so in the 3 years we were together although we were very passionate etc. we only did intercourse a few times.

We got engage earlier this year and everything was fine no quarrels fight's nothing. So this summer, she went back to her home country to visit her relatives etc. for just two weeks. Before she left she was crying how she's going to miss me so much and she loves me more than anything, and to please don't cheat on her etc. Let's just say my ex was extremely jealous, every female friend I had, even my best friend who introduced to us, I had to drop them. I couldn't even go out with my guy friends as she thought I would hit on a girl or something. But I was in love it didn't bother me at all I thought this was the girl of my dreams.

So everything is fine when she's away calling me every day writing emails telling me she loves me. Then the following week the emails stop saying she loves me, and how she is spending time with her friend, I trusted her so I didn't expect or think anything of that. So you she returns and calls me and tells me we have to talk about something important.

And then those words I thought I would never hear, that she cheated on me. Not once not twice not three times, so much that she even lost count. Yep the same girl who was used for sex and money treated like dirt by every guy she ever encountered. Who told me she couldn't believe she finally found a good man who didn't use her for sex or money cheated on me so many times in just two weeks away.

I literally felt destroyed, I haven't cried in years but there I was sobbing like a baby, I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. Here I am gave everything to this girl everything. Scarified myself going on vacation to pay for her trip to see her relatives and this is how she repays me. The worst part she wasn't even remorseful it's like everything we had didn't exist, all she would do is rub it in my face it seems how the guy was so experienced and so sweet how he bought her flowers. How she is still texting him and calling him, but she still wants to be friends with me. I couldn't eat, sleep, function for weeks I was a walking zombie. I went along with that stupid friends garbage until I couldn't take being disrespected anymore, it all ended when she went back to school and the first day back she messages me how she has butterflies for some guy at her school. And of course while I'm over there heartbroken feeling like crap, she has to rub it in my face how this guy is so sweet he bought her a stupid donut. So I can't take it anymore and started nc, which I break like two days later to ask her how her cat was. Her cat has been sick for months was actually dying at one point and me again like a idiot paid it's vet bill to save it's life, and all I ask is how is the cat and she tells me to forget about us and calls me every name in the book.

I guess the main thing is I feel like the biggest idiot in the world, I did everything for this girl, hell she became a TA this year because of me, helping her with her studies. She got a scholarship because of me writing the essay. Like a idiot I was paying for her phone bill, and it hurt so much when I received the bill and saw all the text and time on the phone long distance charges talking to the guy she cheated on me with. I'd travel hours there and back to visit her a few times a week, sometimes I'd come and she'd be so tired and be like I just want to go home but I never complained even after all that gas and mileage and in the end I get treated like this. What's worse every time I was calling her she was with him, every time she emailed me lying it was from an internet café it was his laptop, it just makes me SICK, I guess its true nice guys finish last.

So here I am, feeling like crap it's been about 30 days since I've heard anything from her except a pathetic text asking how I am, I know she's probably dating her new "friend", enjoying a happy life. And here I am feeling like crap, every day knowing everything I did for her in the end it means nothing, I got played like a violin. How she lied to me about basically everything, how I gave up most of my friends, missed out on vacations going out with other people to satisfy her needs, how she was so jealous, always saying I would cheat, when I was faithful and she was the one who cheated. How some herb she just met had more sex with her than I did, because I didn't want her to feel like I was using her for anything and in the end here I am feeling like crap all alone.

I know NC is the best thing for me, strange even after all she has done for me I don't hate her. I've read all the threads at the top, and they are helping, I just can't wait to get these haunting memories and thoughts out of my mind. I know my mind is playing tricks on me sometimes, I feel unattractive but I know I'm not, my ex was gorgeous I won't lie and I keep thinking I won't get anyone that pretty again, then I have to remind myself I've had better looking girls in my life inside and out, and what good is outer beauty when your stone cold and heartless inside. NC sucks but at least it makes me see things clearly, I won't lie for the first few weeks I wanted her back so badly and would have done anything for it, but every day those thoughts are lessening because I know I could never trust her fully again. I threw away all the cards and pictures everything I got from her; it gave me a little bit of closure at least.

I still feel like crap every day, would talking to a therapist help me? I literally have no friends, or family near me. I don’t know what to do next, I never said anything to her bad, because at that moment I was a idiot and still wanted her back, now I just want to contact her and let everything out, but I guess that’s a horrible thing to do right? Just take the high road maintain NC pick up the pieces and move on?

Thanks for reading

WOW! That is really, REALLY low class thing to do. She has personality issues big time. I'm sorry you went through all that trouble for her and she did this to you, and I don't even know you.

Your story sounds kind of like mine, only my ex didn't cheat (at least I think). I certainly felt like she did though! I did EVERYTHING FOR HER. I helped her through all of her school, work, and car crap. I was always there for her. I would turn down my true friends to spend time with her. For 3.5 years I did this. What did I get in return "I need space." What it really meant was "I met this guy Andrew. We have something special and were going to have sex. I don't care how you feel. So, I have to break-up with you so I don't feel guilty.":mad:

I know how you feel, because I feel the same way, betrayed and in denial. You think, "How could someone do this TO ME, when I DID EVERYTHING FOR HER." But sometimes doing everything is TOO MUCH and you loose who you really are in the relationship. I think in your case though your girl DEFINITELY has personal issues that she has to resolve on her own.

You just have to let out all of your feelings. Find some people to talk to. If you can't, then yeah maybe talking to a therapist would help. I know it made me feel better when I got all of my feelings out to people... especially people here who are going through the same thing you and I are. You can vent here... WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU.

We have all been there. Some of us are in the same boat as you (like me).

Just hang in there. Stay Strong. Get BUSY building your life back up to where you were before you got screwed!

You lost yourself with girl and did everything to make her happy but forgot about your own happiness and maybe making her happy made you happy but in the end it didn't, sorry about that.

Never live your life around someone else because in the end you lost friends that you gave up for her but in the end it was a control thing.

It kills me when people have been mistreated by people they dated in the past and then when they get someone that treats them good they throw it away. How silly!

I hope in the future you never have to go through this again and protect yourself from being used. This girl used you for your money and took advantage of you and after she told you the truth you went out and paid her vet bill and she have the nerve to talk about how a sweet guy brought her a donut and flowers, wow.

I am glad your going NC and don't go back to her or even bother calling her about your feelings. Maybe to get everything out you can write a dear letter to her than burn it. Closed this chapter in your life because her cheating on you isn't your fault. One day your me someone that will appricate you but don't repeat the same thing by spending all your money on them. Also, it's good that your talking to a counselor, keep it up and good luck with your healing.

Man I'm in the same shoe as you cheated on after 3 years it sucks. I can't trust anyone, the best thing to do is to maintain Nc, don't let her run over you anymore

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jmw0713

WOW! That is really, REALLY low class thing to do. She has personality issues big time. I'm sorry you went through all that trouble for her and she did this to you, and I don't even know you.

Your story sounds kind of like mine, only my ex didn't cheat (at least I think). I certainly felt like she did though! I did EVERYTHING FOR HER. I helped her through all of her school, work, and car crap. I was always there for her. I would turn down my true friends to spend time with her. For 3.5 years I did this. What did I get in return "I need space." What it really meant was "I met this guy Andrew. We have something special and were going to have sex. I don't care how you feel. So, I have to break-up with you so I don't feel guilty.":mad:

I know how you feel, because I feel the same way, betrayed and in denial. You think, "How could someone do this TO ME, when I DID EVERYTHING FOR HER." But sometimes doing everything is TOO MUCH and and you loose who you really are in the relationship. I think in your case though your girl DEFINITELY has personal issues that she has to resolve on her own.

You just have to let out all of your feelings. Find some people to talk to. If you can't, then yeah maybe talking to a therapist would help. I know it made me feel better when I got all of my feelings out to people...especially people here who are going through the same thing you and I are. You can vent here...WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU.

We have all been there. Some of us are in the exact same boat as you (like me).

Just hang in there. Stay Strong. Get BUSY building your life back up to where you were before you got screwed!

---

Thanks for the advice, feels good knowing there are others out there

Hey I am sorry to hear this- be brave and strong - you seem lika a nice person and one day you will be a nicer person who will love you for who you are.. I am in a similar situation, I was with someone for 9 years, about to be married in two months time and I find out he was cheating, its v hard, but everyone here say keep strong and keep NCing and eventually the days will get better-

Another day of feeling like crap, why do I want to contact the cheat so bad, why is she always tormenting my thoughts. Why do I feel like I'm glint to be single for the rest of my life even though I'm just 23 :(.

Why do people cheat it's so unfair, the other person in my case me gets like destroyed has no trust or faith in women. I feel like a car on lease and now returned to it's dealership so used. I hate cheaters the scum of the earth, I've never been so embarrassed in my life.

Yes. Cheaters destroy the people who love them. They also destroy themselves when they cheat. Each time they do it, more often than not they don't find what they are looking for in the other person that they are cheating with and continue on... untill it happens to them. Then they realize what they have done to other and it comes back ten fold onto them. Just be glad your done with her because in all likelihood, if you forgave her and took her back, she would have cheated again. Then how would you feel... 10 times worse and 10 times more broken.

Keep your head up. The sun will shine again one day. When it does, you will know and it will be one of the best days in your life (until you find your true woman and marry her).

Everyone goes through the whole "Will I be single forever" thing too. You know what has helped me get off the single forever thoughts, going out with friends, or even by myself (like I did last night). Now, I didn't talk to any chicks. (I'm not really ready to yet) What I did do was keep my eyes open for any type of signals from the females at the places I went. I wasn't leering or gawking, just casual observations. Let me tell you... they are there. They are all around you. Most of the time you will get the looks when you are not expecting them. I mean, I am not Brad Pit, so I don't get that many looks, but I get enough to satisfy myself.

That is enough for me to realize that there will be girls out there when I am ready to find them.

Also remember one important thing! You can't change people. It doesn't matter how much you love them or how much you do for them. In the end they have to realize their own mistakes and make the changes for themselves. Sadly the changes come too late and they end up really F-ing up before they realize what their problem is. The only person you can change is yourself.

So keep plugging along. Keep up the NC. Stay on the path your on. Everything will be fine in the long run.

She text me today if I'm OK, should I just say yes please leave me alone or just don't reply at all. I hate to be mean.

How are you OK with anything in this situation. Don't reply.

Yes you reply, tell her, your not okay and leave you the freak alone so you can be.

Then you hang up, and disappear from her life, and get your own.

Take the experts advice over mine. He knows what he is talking about more than me.:D

Quote:

---

I just want to contact her and let everything out, but I guess that's a horrible thing to do right

---

Its called venting, and that's what you can do to get the emotions out where you can deal with them. She hurt you, and needs to know it.

Then NC, can let you heal.

* 2 threads merged *

It's been about 5 months till my ex fiancé cheated and dumped me and ran off with someone she just met. I was heartbroken depressed feeling like crap for months, felt that I would always be single and could never trust a women again but somejing funny happened.

I met this girl and she was not really my type a little chubby very short nose kind of crooked, I talked to her every day when no one else listened to me or no one understood what I was going through she always listened and gave me advice etc. Well I wasn't attracted to her as I was still pathetic obsessing over my ex turn one day I just snapped out of it.

It was odd I mean if a girl I barely knew jist talked about their ex I would not want to talk to someone like that but she did to me. Well oddly enough talking to her more and learning more about her I found out that we had so much in common it was insane. Suddenly she became attracted to me, I loved her chubby face her unique nose her great personality. I asked her out about a month ago and everything has been going great.

I met her folks this past weekend, and they liked me a lot which was very nice and meant a lot to me as my ex folks hated me from day one even though I treated her better than any man ever did.

Anyway will this work out I don't know, but it is great to know that there are still great women out there who I'm compatible with.

From my horrible situation I learnt so much about myself, relationships etc. and I can honestly say I dodged a bullet, m ex used me and treated me like crap for years and I just took it with a smile, and someone like me does not deserve that.

I am so happy for you.
After 11 years of being in a very violent marriage and a lot of baggage in regards to 3 young kids and a pyscho ex who wanted to kill me I met my new partner - I thought I would never meet anyone else.
There is someone out there for everyone and I hope like me you have met your true soul mate .
Always remember no-one deserves to be treat like crap x
I wish you the best of luck

I'm so sorry but I do understand. One thing that concerns me though, is how you describe her as being so pretty that you could never get another one like her. Firstly, her character is so poor that he appearance isn't really a factor is it? If she is that attractive, isn't is important that you honestly say to yourself, if she didn't look this way, would I still want her?
I think if you focus on the quality of a person rather than their appearance, much is revealed. As it turned out, I started seeing someone who is immensely beautiful and has men interested in her all the time. This doesn't bother me because I trust her. But I remember finding myself just thinking about how beautiful she is and realising that I need to be sure I am with her not simply for her appearance. She has to have other qualities that make her the one for me. If we ever split up, I doubt I would have anyone as physically beautiful as her.. but are you going to spend the rest of your life with a painting, or someone who understands you and shares your outlook on life? It sounds to me like this girl has done you a favour!