Ask Me Help Desk - Falling for my best friend.

Im going to try and give the short version lol My name is Angela, I have a best friend named daniel. We have been friends going on 5 yrs, and he called me up about a 2 or 3 yrs ago and was crying while telling me he loved me. He has always wanted to be with me. But I would always choose other guys instead of him including his friends. Sometimes my friends would talk me into going out with him so I would tell him that I changed my mind about us, but then I would chicken out and change my mind. I have done this many of times and he has put up with it every time! He has had girlfriends in the past, but none of them lasted long. He has 1 now and they have been dating almost 2 months, and Im dating a friend/ co-worker of his, and I was up at their work to see my boyfriend and I realized how much I love daniel and wanted to be with him! I was so surprised because I have never had these feelings for him like he wanted me to. So I wrote him an e-mail telling him that I wanted to be with him now, and that I was going to break up with my boy friend for him. His response was that he loves his girlfriend and he just loves me as a friend. My question is.. After all this time that he has loved me and tried so0o hard to get me to change my mind, is he really not going to consider us? Everyone I know says that we were suppose to be married, even people I worked with who didn't know daniel would meet him for the first time and tell me.. that's going to be the guy you marry. So was everyone wrong? Ive always loved him, and has tried so hard to get me to change my mind about us. And when I finally do, he tells me that. Now how can a guy that loved me for yrs, tried everything he could to get me, and now he won't even give it a second thought. Do you think there is still hope? Or have I waited to long? Just a week ago though we were talking/playing around and I asked him "If I was writing him and telling him that I wanted to be with him and I didn't know he had a girlfriend.. what would he do? He told me that it would be hard to tell me that and he wasn't sure if he could. With him saying that, I think there still hope, I think he is thinking that I always say this then I change my mind. But this time its so different and I have told him that. So what do I do now?

He doesn't trust you anymore after all the years went by and he wanted to date you and all. Who's to say he doesn't love his girlfriend. As you say " he's tried so many times to change your mind".. well, he's human too and apparently he's not a fool.
But, what should you do?. nothing just let it go and if you and he are meant to be together then it could happen. I know it hurts and is confusing but, let him have his time.

I wouldn't believe you either.

First of all if you really care for Daniel, why do you have to tell him you are breaking up with your boyfriend for him. Wouldn't you do it, instead of waiting for his response?

Secondly, it comes off as really cruel that you don't proclaim you love until... UNTIL he finds someone else he really likes. It makes you seem like you are using him and when and only when he might get away then do you show him any interest.

Daniel's waited long enough. He deserves a woman who knows he's good enough for her. Let him be.

I guess you guys are right, But I broke up with my boyfriend before I told him. And he has been dating (betsy) for about 6 weeks, and the first 2 weeks he was over here because he had heard stories about her and it made him mad so he would blow her off to hang out with me. And It took him about a couple of weeks for them to acutally be "dating". So your looking at 4 weeks of solid dating with out anything going wrong and that's it. He just recently told her he loved her about couple of weeks ago. And 1 more thing, he's a virgin and she's not, he's 21 yrs. Old and really really wants to "lose it" So is it possible he's just staying with her because he knows they will soon be taking it to another "level"? And 1 of the stories about her which might I add came from her older sister had told us that if daniel doesn't "put out" soon she will dump him anyway. That was 1 of the stories that made their relationship rocky in the beginning. All the other stories was just as bad. And of course he confronted her with all of it and she denied all of it! Her sister than told us that betsy has had a boyfriend living with her in her apartment before. Daniel wasn't to happy about that. Because he at least wanted a "good girl" He then confronted her with that, and her response was ( she has never had a guy over night at her place, that daniel was her 1st to stay the night) And they were practically doing every thing but sex the
1st night. They were not dating at this time. That doesn't sound like a good girl to me. And plus she has admitted to "being with" a few guys, so you know she's lying about none of them staying the night. She's just saying all this because she knows that's what he wants to hear. And she had told him that her and her sister does not get along, that she doesn't claim her as a sister. Well on halloween was the 1st time I had met/hung out with her and daniel. And the whole time she told me that daniel and her was at her parents house having her sister a b-day party, and she was saying that she wished her sister had came with us to the haunted house, and that she felt bad for not being with her sister on her b-day. But I thought she didn't claim her siter remember?! So that proves she lies! Oh, and he met betsy through her sister, he was "messing" around with her sister and her sister let daniel go for his best friend that she was "messing" around with behind both of their backs. She then felt bad for daniel and introduce him to betsy. And the first couple of weeks all daniel was saying was. " oh I don't care about her anyway, I don't even know her, I just want to " oh I dont care about her anyways, I dont even know her, I just want to " and at least it will be "easy" with her. I then talked to him and told him he would regret that so0o bad in the end, and so they haven't yet. Sorry so long, But thank you for responding to my last 1. Please give me your input's on this one. Thanks.. Angela

Your posts make you sound incredibly selfish. I'm sure your not - but that's how you sound. Go back and read what you've written and maybe you will see what I mean.

The best thing you can do right now is be a good friend. You have hurt him in the past, and maybe he will never get over it. But if there is any chance that he will, he will have to see you again as a true, loyal, supportive best friend. Good luck!

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Originally Posted by star012287

I guess you guys are right, But I broke up with my boyfriend before I told him.

Great. Now that he's waited for years for you to come around maybe you should prove your loyalty to him waiting for him until his relationship disolves.

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Originally Posted by star012287

And he has been dating (betsy) for about 6 weeks, and the first 2 weeks he was over here because he had heard stories about her and it made him mad so he would blow her off to hang out with me. and It took him about a couple of weeks for them to acutally be "dating". So your looking at 4 weeks of solid dating with out anything going wrong and thats it.

I think I remember seeing that math problem in high school. Either way it's pretty lame because if it's four years, four weeks, four days or four hours of solid dating he's waited and waited for you for much longer then four weeks and you didn't give a damn. Now you want to try and turn that around to benefit you? No dice.

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Originally Posted by star012287

He just recently told her he loved her about couple of weeks ago.

Good news for you. He doesn't love her after 6 weeks, only 4 of which are solid dating.

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Originally Posted by star012287

And 1 more thing, hes a virgin and she's not, hes 21 yrs. old and really really wants to "lose it" So is it possible he's just staying with her because he knows they will soon be taking it to another "level"?

Someone sounds jealous.

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Originally Posted by star012287

And 1 of the stories about her which might I add came from her older sister had told us that if daniel doesnt "put out" soon she will dump him anyways.

With in two sentences we went from he's about to get lucky to he's holding out and that will get him dumped. This story has some holes.

Furthermore, wouldn't him not losing his virginity to her and getting dumped actually help you?

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Originally Posted by star012287

That was 1 of the stories that made their relationship rocky in the beginning. All the other stories was just as bad. And ofcourse he confronted her with all of it and she denied all of it!!

She did! I can't imagine a woman ever lying or toying with a guy's emotions.

I remember reading on this very site a girl that didn't give this guy any attention despite his numerous attempts, but then he found a girl he was going to get lucky with then she freaked out and started to realize he could do without her and move on from her emotional games. Then she started to actually get made at the other girl for playing games on the same guy. The first girl came off really selfish, jealous, and with a touch of anger because she finally realized she lost the emotional hold she had on this guy.

Thank God, your not like that girl.

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Originally Posted by star012287

Her sister than told us that betsy has had a boyfriend living with her in her apartment before. Daniel wasnt to happy about that. Because he atleast wanted a "good girl"

Finally you and I agree. Daniel should have a good girl. Hopefully someday he'll meet her, and she'll appreciate all that he offers and not toy with him like all the other girls seem to have done.

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Originally Posted by star012287

He then confronted her with that, and her response was ( she has never had a guy over night at her place, that daniel was her 1st to stay the night) And they was practially doing every thing but sex the
1st night. they was not dating at this time. That doesnt sound like a good girl to me.

Well you dating all those other guys when he was interested in you, was that the behavior of the good girl he's been searching for?

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Originally Posted by star012287

And plus she has admitted to "being with" a few guys, so you know shes lying about none of them staying the night. Shes just saying all this because she knows thats what he wants to hear.

Will you just admit it. She's beating you at this game. You tugged him along and wanted nothing to do with him, and when he finally went with somebody else who does what you used to do, better then you ever did you got mad. You are not upset about losing him, you are upset that you played this emotional game with him and in the end you lost him. Then on top of that, you lost him to someone who plays your game better then you.

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Originally Posted by star012287

And she had told him that her and her sister does not get along, that she doesnt claim her as a sister. Well on halloween was the 1st time I had met/hung out with her and daniel. And the whole time she told me that daniel and her was at her parents house having her sister a b-day party, and she was saying that she wished her sister had came with us to the haunted house, and that she felt bad for not being with her sister on her b-day. But I thought she didnt claim her siter remember?!?

I do remember that. I remember when you said that in the sentence before the one you asked if I remembered!

Hey I have a story for you. When I was 6 I was bit by a dog. It hurt bad. It was bleeding and I ran home where it got stitched up. This story has nothing to do with Daniel or his girlfriend, but neither did your story so I thought I'd share mine.

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Originally Posted by star012287

So that proves she lies!

And you have been honest the entire time?

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Originally Posted by star012287

Oh, and he met betsy thru her sister, he was "messing" around with her sister and her sister let daniel go for his best friend that she was "messing" around with behind both of their backs. She then felt bad for daniel and introduce him to betsy. And the first couple of weeks all daniel was saying was. " oh I dont care about her anyways, I dont even know her, I just want to "lose it" and atleast it will be "easy" with her. I then talked to him and told him he would regret that so0o bad in the end, and so they havent yet.

So are we to understand that you would be the better choice for Daniel to lose his virginity too?

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Originally Posted by star012287

Sorry so long, But thank you for responding to my last 1. Please give me your input's on this one. thanks.. Angela

You come off as jealous. You had your chance and instead of taking it, you dragged this poor guy along when all he did was ask for a chance time and again. When and only when he finds someone else who starts to string him along like you did do you react to the fact he's not going to put up with the games forever... at least from you.

If you trully care about this guy tell him the truth, and the truth is this. "Daniel, I now realize that I should have taken you up before, but I can't now. I don't believe your relationship is going to last, and to prove to you that I serious this time, I'm not going to date anyone else and I'm going to wait for you. If your relationship disolves and at that time you would like to get together with me I'll be ready this time." Then drop it and leave it at that.

Well I just thought I would let you know, that you was right. I told him and he responded fine, he said that he was with her now, and he still thought of me as a best friend, and still wanted us to remain friends. So I told him okay, and I wanted to stay friends as well, then he didn't respond to that one. =( A week and half went by including thanksgiving, I heard nothing from him. I sent him forwards on text messages, he didn't send them back. (which all this is very unusual for daniel) So I wrote him a "last email" and told him I guess he has ended our friendship, so I would be the adult and at least say goodbye the right way after 4 1/2 yrs! I wrote a long one, and chose to not write back! So I then called up a really good friend of his (which is a friend of mine, I'm just not as close to him as daniel was) and his friend "Jason" told me that daniel is treating him the same way! He is blowing him off after they had plans, He's ignoring him a lot, and when they would hang out, it would not go good!! Jason got mad at daniel like a week ago and went off on him! He told daniel that he was whipped as hell over this girl, and its only been 2 months, and that he should really think about that and slow down! That he was losing all of his friends. Daniel didn't say a whole lot he said. So jason told me we were both in the same boat. Jason texted me last night and said that he texted daniel like 2 days ago, and asked him why was he doing this with mine and his friendship? Jason said, daniel ignored it. He said that "you know, if they dont make it, the first person he will run back to is you, then he will run back to all of his other friends." then he told me if he was me he would play with that a little bit. I said like how? Jason said, "when he decides to come back after his guilt gets to him (which it will) jason said, he would not take him back so easily, he would realy make him understand what he put me though and how serious this was" But Im not that mean, and I don't think I should do that. Some one told me that I should really go to his work or home and talk to him face to face and he couldn't ignore me then, and get him to tell me why he's doing this! I haven't yet. =/ I did send him a poem today that really fit our situtation. I got it under broken friendship! But Im really stuck, I still wanted to be friends even after he told me that he wanted us to stay that way, I would had been fine with that, and I told him all this. He ignored all of it. But anyway, I just wanted to give you an update on all this, ttyl

Okay.. read this thought:
What you feel for him right now is what he felt for you before.
Look, he loved you before but you never gave it a shot. And now, you loved him but then he's still thinking.
It's like me & my ex-bf. He broke up with me but then I'm begging for his love, then I got tired & set him free. And now that I have a new boyfriend, moved on & has finally OVER him, he's wanting me back. But since he loves me, he doesn't want to break off my happiness because he can see that I love my boyfriend & that I am happy with him.
Maybe you could do the same, if you really love him and if he's happy with his girlfriend, then just let them be happy.

Ok that's fine, but why can't we still be friends? He has had gf's and Ive had bf's and not one time has he nor I ended our own friendship :( So why is he ending our's now? He told me in the first email (the one he actually replied to) that he wanted us to stay friends, and I was still his best friend and wanted nothing to change that. So why did he say all that, then ignore me from then on? Its not like he said goodbye in it. He was just fine, his friend jason thinks either his girlfriend betsy saw it or he told her about it, and she's actually the one behind all of this. :mad: Jason ran into 1 of her ex bf's (actually the 1 right before daniel) and her ex "erin" told jason that she's very controlling, really jealous. And jason knew both of them while they were dating. Jason had met them while he was dating her sister gina. Erin told jason that he broke up with betsy because of all that. He said she didn't won't him around his own friends, she was just to controlling for him, so he let her go. He also said that betsy was still texting him ( jason said she was whipped over him while they were dating) trying to get him to come back, and this was when her and daniel had just started dating! So she was doing this behind daniel's back. :eek: Jason never told daniel this and he said he's not going to unless they break up, because daniel wouldn't believe him anyway. We don't know if they are still texting, because jason ran into erin when daniel and her first started dating, and he hasn't seen him since.One last thing, when she told daniel that he was the first guy to stay the night, jason said that was BS! Which I already figured that lol He said when he was dating gina, erin lived with betsy! So she did lie there!

Are you really interested in the guy you blew off for years or you interested in the drama that comes with this whole mess?

Ohh my God that's like sooo The OC! Your selfish and jealous and the worst part is you don't even see it, this person was supposed to be your friend