Hey everyone

I have not posted in a couple of months- I posted one when me and him first broke up, one when we tried a break and one when it was over and one on dating new guys. Anyhow, its been a while. Me and my ex were together for 2 years and he was my first true love and I have been having a very rough time dealing with losing him. He pretty much ended it and walked away- and never once looked back to see if I was OK, or to even say anything at all- and I get why- he doesn't want to be with me, and that's the painful part. I have not spoken to him in almost 2 months. We ended on OK terms- meaning, I wrote him a letter to try and make things better in the end ( rumors he heard I disputed and I said if he needed me I was there). It was hard because I didn't think hed ever leave me, I thought we would get married while he was planning an exit... I had no idea and the breakup was a total shock... anyhow sorry to sidetrack, well the other night I was online and he imed me- it was the accept I'm and I saw his sn- my heart stopped... I didn't think hed beg me back ( although I wish he did, even though I like to try and be strong and let go) so he said that one of my friends sent him an email and badmouthed him and said I deserve better than him and that he hurt me and treated me badly ( which is true, he started to treat me terribly in the end). Anyhow, he then said can you please stop telling people lies about me ( I never did) and I even spoke very highly of him and of how much I still love him and always will ( even though he was not good to me in the end) in a blog online. I told him this and he said he had already read it- I don't know how? He isn't on my friend list anymore? So then he said I wasn't a great guy but I wasn't the worst and that he wants to be friends but these "set backs" ( meaning the email from my friend ) prevent us from being there- ( I don't want to be his friend ever anyhow). So when I said omg I had no idea, and asked for the sn, or the email address or the name or even the sex of the person, he was like oo I don't know and was funny about it... my question is- do you think he really did receive an email ( every person I asked denies it and I can't imagine anyone doing that) and he got very quiet and awkward when I asked for the info of the person. Why would he I'm me and do this if he didn't receive the email? What would be his motive? Is he checking up on me? Is he regretting it?
Sorry for the long post and for all the questions but this just threw me for a loop- I was beginning to move on ( slowly and painfully ) and now I feel lost again... any advice is much appreciated and I know that no one really knows what he's thinking but if you could just offer any ideas I would listen to anything... thanks again!

You said :- i was beginning to move on ( slowly and painfully )

So Please carry on with that process. My honest advice would be just ignore him.
If just IF he wanted to get back with you he wouldn't be playing around the bush asking you all sort of childish questions such - did u say this about me? Did you say that? - whatever tell him. You have far more better things to do nowadays not answer his stupid questions.. let him dwell on it.
If he was man enough and really wanted you back he wouldn't have gone about it this way.
Block his name whilst on line and ignore him.

You have to get over him.. you yourself said slowly and painfully you are moving on so why hurt yourself in the long run and fall back to square one?

Had to spread it around Krs but I think your advice was dead on to the point.
This guy has already shown his true self so what he wants means nothing. It is you and what you want that matters. You deserve better than he can give... I don't understand why your lost when you should be celebrating!

He probably deleted your e-mail.

STOP telling him you love him. PEOPLE WANT WHA THEY CAN'T HAVE. (also WHY you want him - you can't have him) - move on.

This guy isn't worth.

You're the prize - NOT HIM. He knows he can have you. He'll want you back when he knows he can't have you - by then you won't want him.

Again - you seem desperate and needy over this guy - you pushed him away and still do.

I agree with everyone here. I think the best thing you can do is if you really want to move on is not allow any contact between the two of you. He still has access to you (via online means) so therefore that means he can still have you. You have to make him relaise that he is finished, gone, not in your life anymore. As you said you can't be friends with him so don't let him think he can be.
Letters, blogs etc where you say nice things about him and tell him you love won't help you or him unfortunately. That isn't showing that you are moving on.
Trust me, I know what you are going through and it is ever so painful but you need to cut all contact. I haven't had any contact with my ex girlfriend of 7 years for nearly 4 months now. Everyday it hurts and I miss her but the only thing that keeps me sane is not having contact with her it hink.
You see, you were going well, now you have had contact with him and you seem like you are a bit of a mess again. You have all these questions and are confused. This isn't healthy for you.
I hope you understand what everyone is trying to tell you.

Good Luck

Heyy

Wow everyone's advice really made me sit here and think... it might sound weird, but I always thought I lost him, maybe he lost me... thats a good point... thank you all so much, and I will continue moving on and I will now block him and no longer write about him... thanks so much

Sorry but I'm a bit confused. How do you figure that he lost you when you continue to write things saying that you love him and always will..
Sorry I may have missed something but that doesn't indicate to him that he lost you. If you move on and stop saying these things then it will indicate that he has lost you, but until you do that then he will always know he can have you.
You said it yourself that you hoped he was contacting you to beg you to come back!

Heyy

Your right. I'm trying... im just so lost and confused... but your right, I said that wrong... im trying to get through this- thanks for caring and your advice!