My best friend and I aren't best friends anymore, she started dating a guy that I liked, the thing is, she wasn't a very good friend anyway, but I feel more loss over him than her. I don't know what to do, its been awhile since this happened, but every time I talk to him I feel such a sense of loss and heartbreak. I want to know if he thinks about me and I need help figuring out who I am. I'm so confused.

Is your friend and this guy still together?
Why wasn't she a very good friend?

Why are you confused?

Hi,
You posted in Psychics. I am not a Psychic, don't pretend to be.
You haven't mentioned your age. It does make a difference in knowing, cause it helps in answering the question.
Life is full of surprises, some good, some not.
No, your friend isn't a good friend, cause if she were, she would not have started dating a guy you like, if she knew you liked him.
There are more guys out there. If you are asking how to get this guy to like you, then why not talk with him? Tell him how you feel.
If you don't want to do that, then start making some new friends. Smile when you meet someone. It shows you like yourself, and others will like you, too.
Dating is something most of us have been through, or are going through. I am 64, so my "dating" is over, since being married 29 yrs!
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

Sorry, I wasn't very clear. I'm 17 years old. The girl that I talked about valued male attention more than her friendships, it wasn't the first time she's gone after a guy I liked or was seeing and when she had a boyfriend, and I was supportive, she turned her back on me and ignored me, often when we had plans to do something together she would cancel because a boy decided he wanted to do something with her at that time. Myself value went way down and I wasn't very happy, it was a very upsetting time in my life because I myself, am indeed a flawed person, but I'm fiercely loyal to my friends (I do have many good friends and since we stopped being friends I've met a lot of new great people, I'm really well known in our school now, I feel better about myself and I appreciate everyone that I meet because there are so many great people out there and even I know now that I'm better off without her, I guess I was just in denial before). She wasn't my only best friend, in fact, she came second in my list of close friends (mental list of course), my best friend now is truly a wonderful person, I love her like a sister, we talk to each other about everything. She's always been a close friend, but for awhile there I really had to work at getting her to leave her house, I understood that she was going through a tough time herself so I spent even more time with the friend who would drop my like a bad habit a soon as a look came her way. Don't get me wrong, I really did everything I could to help my one friend, but I knew that she needed time, and now that I'm going through my own bad time, she's here for me in return. I'm confused because, other than that one boy, I don't really have any reaction to anyone else, for awhile I thought "maybe I'm a lesbian?" but I don't have any kind of reaction to girls either. I don't think I've ever been in love, I'm so young and I'm not entirely sure its an idea I'm open to because my parent's marriage is so bad, but somehow I find myself with this pressure weighing down over my chest at the thought of him, and I don't know how else to describe the feeling but as heartbreak. He's not the perfect guy or anything, in fact there are guys who are interested in me that are considered by my classmates and friends as being nicer, funnier and more attractive than him, but I love his flaws. He's been with her for so long now, I wonder if they're happy but they don't seem right for each other, he talks down to her and she flirts with all his friends (many of whom she used to like a LOT). She's the type who wants everyone to like her, but once you get so close that she assumes you're there for good, she uses you ("listen, I'm supposed to babysit tonight, but so and so wants to come over, can you cover for me?", etc, etc, all the time situations like this.), you can ask her for anything (I never did because I didn't think that would be fair) and she'll give it to you because she doesn't want you to not like her (thats not the way its supposed to work though!) and he doesn't like that she's like that. Our history goes like this, she liked his friend, I liked him, she knew, he didn't, a bit of time went by and one of my friends tells me "he asked her out and she said yes, didn't you know?". I wonder how she could do this to me, and he finds out eventually that I did like him and he tells her he would've gone out with me (great guy, I know... that was sarcasm, you're wondering what kind of guy says that to his girlfriend about another girl? What's wrong with me?). I'm done school in a year anyway, I should be moving on, maybe I'll meet someone in France during my trip this summer, who knows, but any advice I can get, would be greatly appreciated, thanks to everyone who has posted so far!

The sense of loss you feel is partly because you wonder what might have been had you dated this guy, but also partly because of your ex-friend who has let you down so badly. You said yourself, though, that this boy isn't a perfect boyfriend to your ex-friend, so who is to say he would have treated you any better? And of course your ex-friend has treated you badly and made you feel bad about yourself, so you are clearly better off without her. I think you are going through a transitional time in your life, and there is lots to look forward to. You are a good friend yourself, life hasn't been easy for you but you need to look forward now. Romance will happen for you, but don't force it. You have so many years ahead of you to discover who you are, and what you want in a relationship. There is no rush, just go with the flow and many surprises will await you!

I would ditch the guy and be more concerned over the girlfriend!

Guy knows how to pull on your heartstrings and played you 2 innocent girls against each other!!

He is the real loser!

I also think that you should ditch her. I had 'girl friends' like that when I was your age and learnt that they are not worth my friendship esp if they like to put boys first.
Be careful she could only do it again!

I agree with you Krs, I was stupid for the longest time because I kept letting her use me and now she and her friends have all told me that she wants to be my friend again but its not going to happen, I've learned my lesson and at first not being her friend was hard but now its super easy because I think about how my life was then and how it is now, and I'm happy. But you know, my problems are nothing compared to the suffering of many many others. My problems are common to the obstacles of everyday life. Oh, by the way, here's a bit of an update, that boy came pretty close to kissing me recently.

Hi,
Sounds like you are "well advanced" in life's understandings beyond your age. I am 64, and you are doing the right thing in finding some new friends.
She was no friend.
A real friend doesn't act like she did.
I do wish you the best, and perhaps the boy will start liking you even more.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by fredg

Hi,
Sounds like you are "well advanced" in life's understandings beyond your age. I am 64, and you are doing the right thing in finding some new friends.
She was no friend.
A real friend doesn't act like she did.
I do wish you the best, and perhaps the boy will start liking you even more.

---

You can find friends everywhere, I'm not too worried, it's the good memories you have with your current friends that set them apart, and memories can be made at any time. There's moments to be had ahead of me and I look forward to them, I just have to push forward and leave it to time to make these things apart the past.

I would like it if the boy showed more interest, it would hide the scar tissue. If he doesn't, that's OK too, scars stop to hurt after awhile and then it just serves as a reminder to not make the same mistakes.

So, in keeping with the philosophical flow of this reply, you can't stay on the right path if you're looking in your rearview mirror. Thanks to everyone that answered this post, it means a lot to me that there are people out there willing to offer their support to strangers.

We all learn from our mistakes.
If we make no mistakes we will hardly ever learn ;)

Hi,
Asking a question here really is not being a "stranger". We get to know one another, through posts and understanding.
I like what you said about "looking ahead". I believe in not wanting to absolutely "close the door on the past", but remember just enough of it to learn from it, too. We all try not making the same mistakes over and over, but sometimes it's hard. Best of luck, and hope you enjoy being in another country.

New things to figure out:

I've picked up the pieces somewhat, realized neither are worth it, thanks everyone for your support on that subject.

I rarely cry for real, sure I cry every so often, I cry over sad books and movies, but that's not real. Real crying is the mourning of a lost loved one or over something that is seriously and realistically upsetting. Well, I just had one of those rare moments. I’m the kind of person who lives moment to moment, doing what I’m supposed to do at that moment and trying my best to do it well. I’ve finally taken the time to stop and look at myself, and there it was, I’m ashamed and disappointed by what I see. I’m not sure who I’m supposed to be or what I’m supposed to do in the long run. I party too hard and make a fool of myself, I’m not respectable, although well liked, I’m not important. I’m worried about what other people think about me, I’m worried they think what I think about myself. My best friend is the same and she doesn’t seem to care, I think I should be more like her, but I see how ridiculous she seems sometimes. Some people think I’m smart and wise, in truth I’m a prude, and I give good advice when I’m asked, but I don’t follow my own advice in secret because it isn’t satisfying to do what is best, I feel like a fake. I wonder now if maybe I’m different, I’d rather pass my life reading and watching movies because it’s easier and more entertaining than real life, I do and say what is expected of me, I’m a fake, I wonder if maybe I’m also bisexual and I question why I would be. Nothing is wrong with it; in fact I wish more people were so I wouldn’t feel so weird about maybe experiencing it and figuring out if I really am. I feel ugly and insecure, I don’t think I could pull off being myself, I feel like I’ve secured my fake identity and it’s too late to be anyone, namely the person I am inside. This is me being truly honest, I feel ugly, inside and out, and I don’t know anyone that would accept the real me. I think I’m doomed to be the fake me for the rest of my sad little existence.

I don’t even know if I need advice or guidance on this subject, I know it’s entirely up to me to be the person I want to be (or rather the person I really am), but it sure does feel good to tell someone, anyone.

Don't worry about what people think of you, worry about what you think of yourself.

Life is full of surprises, and as we grow older we learn to deal with things differently.

If I remember correctly I read you said you're 17.
17 is a tough age for a girl, I've been there.

Im now 27 and I KNOW who I am, I KNOW what I want etc. But when I was your age the confusion I had going on in my head was unbelievable.

Slowly slowly you'll come round.
Write down your likes and dislikes about you, and next to them ways to change them.