Ask Me Help Desk - So here I am again

So here I am again after having a reunion with the people I travelled with including the girl I was 'with'. Of course nothing happened and the whole thing was swept under the carpet by her. Had a massive stress at her and I remember her saying it would never work... Distance (With alcohol of course).

So there we are, an excellent weekend tainted by meeting up with a girl I really thought I could make a go of things with who obviously didn't want to despite our relationship when away. We live at oppposite ends of countries which I guess makes it easier to move on. But right now all what is on my mind is her and my friends.

Just wanted to get it out really. It sucks to be back home again suffering withdrawal symptons from my friends who I may never see again.

But hey... I have a lot to look forward to which helps and as I try to analayse and learn from the past - learning lessons from this forum etc.. The pain is still the same each time. All I have now is happy memories. I guess you just have to make new ones.

Ahh well life goes on, another 'relationship' failed on the list. Sometimes makes you wonder will there be anyone..

Man, I know what you mean, I'm in such a same situation, it sucks. But I just decide to lead a happy life no matter what

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Originally Posted by Jiser

So here I am again after having a reunion wtih the people I travelled with including the girl I was 'with'. Of course nothing happened and the whole thing was swept under the carpet by her. Had a massive stress at her and I remember her saying it would never work...Distance (With alcohol of course).

There are 3 billion of them left.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiser

So there we are, an excellent weekend tainted by meeting up with a girl I really thought I could make a go of things with who obviously didn't want to despite our relationship when away. We live at oppposite ends of countries which I guess makes it easier to move on. But right now all what is on my mind is her and my friends.

How great is that for you? My latest ex girlfriend worked in my same building and I had to see her almost daily where she made up lies about me to her co workers. Yours lives on the other side of the country. Let's start looking at the positives here. When you are feeling down, think how much worse it could be, you could have been me suffering for months on end, instead you girl is gone and longer a part of you life. That's in your favor and hold on to that good news.

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Originally Posted by Jiser

Just wanted to get it out really. It sucks to be back home again suffering withdrawal symptons from my friends who I may never see again.

You always have me. Let's be honest, my bluntness and comedy are second to none!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiser

But hey...I have alot to look foward to which helps and as I try to analayse and learn from the past - learning lessons from this forum etc..The pain is still the same each time. All I have now is happy memories. I guess you just have to make new ones.

Jiser, I'm not sure if you were on this board earlier this year when after all I learned and tried to pass on and used to get my latest ex I compeletely forgot and turned into nice guy wuss boy and lost her again. I broke my own damn rule, "Once the challenge was gone so was she." I remember thinking how mad I was at myself for finally having the guidance and foresight to get it down and then screw it up with a girl I really had it bad for. I don't want to use the L word on this forum, but I was certainly there after a year of dating this girl. Long story short I came back here after months of being away knowing exactly what I had done wrong but still needing the verbal smacking to get back in line. The reason I tell you all this is because today I'm loving life again while the pain is still the same each time, the time they give you after the break up to rebuild and claim as your own is something no girl can ever take from you. It never feels like it when you are in emotional hell, but when you climb out and you have the knowledge that comes with it even if you've learned it before you feel incredible.

Now I had some happy memories with my ex as did you, but by giving up those memories to the past I've been able to accept new ones in the future. Just yesterday I scored a date with 19 year old... something I probably should not be doing in my early 30's but I thought she was 25 or so by the way she was talking about work experience and by the time I asked her to this club and she told me she couldn't get in because she was only 19 it was to late to go back. Okay it wasn't, but she's hot, and she's 19 so I'm going out with her. My point is if I had been with my ex this never would have happened. Now I'm not sure if anything will come of one night out, but I've been feeling like quite the stud in the last 24 hours so that alone is good enough for me. I know I come on here and try to be funny and although this sounds like it I trully mean this when I say it's not meant to be that way, but the feeling I had yesterday after getting that set up was incredible. That feeling is something an ex can never take from you. Ironically I drove past my ex today and all I could do was smile, because she's got nothing on this 19 year old hot chick.

It doesn't even have to be another woman though, it can just be spending time figuring out who you are and what you desire out of life and another girl or what you will put up with from another girl. The one thing I learned from my latest ex is that when she does X you do Y and you do it at all times. Now X can change but Y never does. In other words if she says she's going to stop by at 9 pm then you are available only at 9 pm (X) then you are only available at 9 pm(Y). At all times. If you start changing Y for her changes in X then your screwed. The man is the rock, she's water going in and out. The man is solid and consistent. Never forget... even if you have to learn it the hard way several times like I did.

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Originally Posted by Jiser

Ahh well life goes on, another 'relationship' failed on the list. Sometimes makes you wonder will there be anyone..

You and I both know that is not the attitude to have. Waiting for someone to come along like a movie is not going to help you. Furthermore, this relationship was not a failure. Failures only result in not learning anything, and once again you have gain real life experience for you next success because you have learn what not to do.

"friend4u178 agrees: LOL.......you cradle snatcher Chuff ;)"

Hey I couldn't even get a woman to look at me at 19 so now it I feel totally redeemed!

I had a feeling after rereading that, that was going to be the point most would focus on, but my point was that if you keep holding onto the old memories you don't give yourself permission to accept the new opportunities and new memories that come your way, some of which are just make you feel really good about yourself.

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Originally Posted by chuff

"friend4u178 agrees: LOL.......you cradle snatcher Chuff ;)"

Hey I couldn't even get a woman to look at me at 19 so now it I feel totally redeemed!

I had a feeling after rereading that, that was going to be the point most would focus on, but my point was that if you keep holding onto the old memories you don't give yourself permission to accept the new opportunities and new memories that come your way, some of which are just make you feel really good about yourself.

Couldn't agree more , I was just having a laugh :)

Thx for the input mate :) Needed the verbal bashing!

Ill say though for definite (altho I wasn't with her in the sense bf/gf) that painful it might have been, its been far easier than my 'first love' episode back in Feb 07.

The key here as you said is to accept the past - that cannot be changed and look to create new happy memories. Always remember the chuff top rules (e.g. Challenge) Ill add to that of being wary and wearing more of a box round the 'emotions'.

Chances are I will see her again next year ROUND July - but in between then and now is ample time for 'moving on' creating new memories etc. its nice to keep friends + excuses to travel and have free hols etc lol.

Good for you as well Chuff - nice and young hah :P

I guess we have relapses, just need to put all the lessons learned into practice in the future and concentrate on staying busy and active!

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Originally Posted by Jiser

Thx for the input mate :) Needed the verbal bashing!

My specialty and pleasure. You have my permission to return on after I screw up with my next girl. Don't be kind to me either or I won't learn which ultimately is what anybody should be taking away from the pain.

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Originally Posted by Jiser

Ill say tho for definite (altho I wasn't with her in the sense bf/gf) that painful it might have been, its been far easier than my 'first love' episode back in Feb 07.

I have the feeling in a week or two this whole thing will be on the down side of the emotional ride. She's no where near you so you can get right back to living your life.

[QUOTE=Jiser;1394471] The key here as you said is to accept the past - that cannot be changed and look to create new happy memories.

Accept and learn from the past....but ready to make new memories. Everry situation you go through is something of a learning experience, and if you look at it like that then the emotional pain has meaning so while she'll keep doing the same old same old in life, you are taking steps forward and constantly improving. In the end you are the winner if you set up your thought process this way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiser

Always remember the chuff top rules (e.g. Challenge) Ill add to that of being wary and wearing more of a box round the 'emotions'.

As an emotional man myself I try more then you can imagine to protect those emotions. You just have to try and stay in control and if you can learn anything from my constant mistake, once you let them get completely out of hand, she's got you. NEVER give her everything and stay in that spot where you only give 40 to 50% in the relationship because if you start giving more in anything she's taking and not returning.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiser

Chances are I will see her again next year ROUND july - but in between then and now is ample time for 'moving on' creating new memories etc. TBH its nice to keep friends + excuses to travel and have free hols etc lol.

So between now and next July build yourself up so that you are so confident, and when you basically say hello and then nothing more she will wonder who she gave up and what she was thinking.

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Originally Posted by Jiser

Good for u as well Chuff - nice and young hah :P

It's funny, because at 19 this girl would had nothing to do with who I was then, wuss boy nice guy... and even though I have my relapses I'm at least aware of what the is going on. But my greater point was, if I can pull this off then anybody can. The good times don't start when the relationship ends... they get better!

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Originally Posted by Jiser

I guess we have relapses, just need to put all the lessons learned into practice in the future and concentrate on staying busy and active!!

Exactly... and accepting that she did not control our happiness, she benefited from it. Now it's another persons turn to receive those benefits.