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-   -   How do I live with my ex (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=284480)

  • Nov 23, 2008, 11:11 PM
    smadge
    How do I live with my ex
    I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. I have been living for him for 2 years since I moved to Melbourne. We broke up last weekend but I am still living with him because I have no family here or any money because I am a student. I don't know what to do or how to act around him because we broke up because he thought I was smothering him and trying to control his life. Where I just felt neglected and was trying to be apart of his life but stupid me thought guilting him would work. I just don't know how to live with him he ended it but he is trying to look after me, but doesn't want to spend anytime and I still want to be with him all the time because Im still in love with him.
  • Nov 24, 2008, 02:09 AM
    ATYOURSERVICE

    Sounds like he is trying to be a good guy and help. Take advantage until you finish school.

    It will be hard I am sure but can work. Make ground rules and stick to them. Like no bringing home dates.. etc.

    I have a friend who lived with his ex wife for 3 years after divorce. All financial reasons.
  • Nov 24, 2008, 03:42 AM
    busterite

    Is going back home an option for you? Do you any other options apart from staying with him?
  • Nov 24, 2008, 03:55 AM
    smadge

    I live to far away from home there really is no where else to go because silly me put all my eggs in one basket with him so I haven't really opened up to anyone over here and I don't really have any close enough friends here to place that sort of burden on
  • Nov 24, 2008, 01:07 PM
    ATYOURSERVICE
    Well there you go.
    You need to attend school and find friends.
    Find study groups, go to libraries, museums, get out in the public and meet
    People. You may just find your next boyfriend.

    Also ask school for assistance. They may have programs for students in your situation.

    Currently you are not homeless. That's a good thing.
  • Nov 24, 2008, 01:18 PM
    thadevilsadvocate

    You need to make it a place to eat, sleep and shower. Spend as much time out of the house as possible. This will be good for you as you won't have to see him as much, you will also be out doing things which will be good for you, and also, you will be giving him the space that he wants. This will be a respectful way of you showing him that you appreciate what he is doing, but at the same time you are going to respect that he has a life to live as well and you don't want to get in the way of it. In all honestly, this could be a great thing for you, especially because he felt as though you smothered him... and now you are giving him all the free time and space he needs. I am not saying to entertain the idea of getting back with him, but I think it could make things a little easier for you that you are being cooperative and respectful.
  • Nov 24, 2008, 01:53 PM
    canadagirl82

    I'm in the same situation... sort of. I own the house and my boyfriend broke up with me cause of the constant fighting and yelling. It has only been a few days, and it's weird. I don't want to go home after work! He wants to try to stay and make it work, but I feel his heart is not there anymore and he is just wanting to stay cause he is telling himself he loves me. I don't want us to be miserable but he is not strong enough to leave and find a new place to live after being together for 2 years.
  • Nov 24, 2008, 02:02 PM
    ATYOURSERVICE

    Canada probably has different rent laws, but if he does not have proof of paying rent you can ask him to leave and he has to. Escort out by police if necessary.

    If he does, then you can serve him with eviction papers and he has to leave within a certain period amount. Again depending on your laws. Again police escort if he does not leave.

    That is your home. Go home. Make him want to leave.

    Good luck with that.
  • Nov 24, 2008, 02:08 PM
    canadagirl82

    I don't want him to leave. I messed up in the relationship. He is wanting to stay but I don't think he loves me anymore. We've had problems for so long now that the feelings for each other are gone. I don't want to kick him out and I know he won't leave either! It's just a matter of time now. Either we will make it work or he will get the strength to move out.
  • Nov 25, 2008, 04:58 AM
    smadge

    OK so I got to stay out more that can be done. But how do I get along with him when I'm home I keep trying to make him feel bad because I'm still upset with him I know its wrong but I'm so angry at him right now. I know we can't get back together right away I just don't want to burn my bridges and that is what I'm doing and I'm just pushing him further away.
  • Nov 25, 2008, 03:49 PM
    canadagirl82

    I know you're angry with him for hurting you, I 'm in the same boat as you. Do your own thing, act like it does not phase you. Don't burn your bridges by causing problems at the home... be cool. If you want to salvage this, and even if it does not work out... At least you both can part on decent terms. But I know you're angry... it sucks. Just play it cool. Does your family live in the same city?
  • Nov 25, 2008, 05:30 PM
    h0llister

    That happened to me with one of ex's . I went and found a job and moved out. I found it really hard to live with my ex also my mom helped me out with rent, and I paid her back after
  • Nov 26, 2008, 01:23 AM
    smadge

    No I have no family or close friends here and that's why I haven't moved. Anyway that's for the replys it has helped
  • Nov 26, 2008, 10:26 AM
    canadagirl82

    Smadge... was it better last night? Are you guys able to be in the same room and be civil?
  • Nov 26, 2008, 10:54 AM
    talaniman
    Smadge, I strongly suggest you do what it takes to make yourself a lot more independent, as he may be a nice guy now, and let you stay free, but unless your attitude changes greatly, he will get very tired of living with someone who makes confusion, and conflict, instead of harmony and sharing and caring.

    You have stated you smother him, and try to guilt him into giving you attention, and as you have found out, those games don't work.

    I can understand you're a stranger, but do try and get your own life that you enjoy, and give him space to enjoy his own thing too.

    Be a good roommate for now, and cause no waves. But take some responsibility for your own happiness, and welfare!!!!

    You can get better results with smiles, than you can with anger, and you really need to cope with your feelings better, and express them a whole lot more positively, or you can push someone away.
  • Nov 28, 2008, 07:03 AM
    smadge

    Things are getting better we haven't fought for a day! Because I'm not picking fights and I'm doing my own thing so he has been better to me. I mean he is communicating properly and I think its because I'm not paying him as much attention

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