I don't know whether this is abuse or whether we have just grown so apart that we cannot communicate. I am 60. We've been married 39 years. 2 grown sons. Much/most of it has been happy. I am retired, strong, healthy, and can afford to live on my own if need be. My husband is a tense type, introvert, person. He has 3 more years to work in a stressful job. He drinks (wine only) more than I like... like a bottle a night 3-4 nights a week and will order up to 5 drinks when we are out to dinner. This is a major stress to me. I wish it wasn't. Sometimes when he reads the paper he will start talking in racist terms like "sorry n------s". This hurts me to the core. He says I am being moralistic and judgemental and he is sick of my put downs. I don't know what to do. One day we can have a great time and seem compatible and then this happens. I admit I was brought up in sheltered, conservative environment so maybe I am too sensitive?? Sex life used to be good but since I was 50 I haven't had much desire although I have tried and sought Rx help. He's struggles sexually since 60 so we are pretty much roommates that sometimes get along and sometimes don't. There has never been a divorse in my family. I would value your objective thoughts. Thanks.