Hi there! Never been here before. I live in California and would like to know if there is a chance a judge would consider my husband's infidelity in determining our girls' physical custody. We are still married, he moved out of the house moved in with a woman who is still married herself, she has her own 3 kids. He would take our girls on outings with this woman while he was still living with me, without my knowledge of course,and the girls were under the impression this was his cousin. Now that he lives with her he insists that they go over to their house and even wants them to spend the weekend. He has not mentioned divorce, but I am in the process. My girls know the truth about this now, but because they are only 9 and 6 they don't seem to really understand how bad of an example this is for them. I really don't want my girls exposed to them together like that (unless they married, of course) or at least until after our divorce is final but he is totally adamant. Is there hope for me out there? I just feel like this is all incredibly damaging to our little girls... thank you

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Originally Posted by girlsmom

Hi there! Never been here before. I live in California and would like to know if there is a chance a judge would concider my husband's infidelity in determining our girls' physical custody. We are still married, he moved out of the house moved in with a woman who is still married herself, she has her own 3 kids. He would take our girls on outings with this woman while he was still living with me, without my knowledge of course,and the girls were under the impression this was his cousin. Now that he lives with her he insists that they go over to their house and even wants them to spend the weekend. He has not mentioned divorce, but I am in the process. My girls know the truth about this now, but becouse they are only 9 and 6 they don't seem to really understand how bad of an example this is for them. I really don't want my girls exposed to them together like that (unless they married, of course) or at least until after our divorce is final but he is totally adamant. Is there hope for me out there? I just feel like this is all incredibly damaging to our little girls...thank you

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Unless you can prove the children are somehow being emotionally damaged, no, at least in NY adultery has nothing to do with custody or, for that matter, support, either child or spousal. Have you consulted with a therapist or Court-appointed law guardian of the children?

You presumably have an Attorney handling your divorce and that Attorney is familiar with all the facts and circumstances as well as the Laws - that's the person who should be addressing this issue.

Unfortunately (I'm an investigator) I get asked to do these investigations on a very regular basis (talk to neighbors, talk to friends, get proof of adultery) and when it comes right down to the Court hearings it makes no difference at all - legally. Is your "X" pond scum? Possibly. Does the legal system care? No.

Sometimes it can be considered when one is going for primary custody. It shows a lack of good judgement. But other then that unless your ex is dating someone that is harmfull to your children then on his time he can do as he pleases unless you have a parenting plan that states otherwise.

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Originally Posted by girlsmom

Hi there! Never been here before. I live in California and would like to know if there is a chance a judge would concider my husband's infidelity in determining our girls' physical custody. We are still married, he moved out of the house moved in with a woman who is still married herself, she has her own 3 kids. He would take our girls on outings with this woman while he was still living with me, without my knowledge of course,and the girls were under the impression this was his cousin. Now that he lives with her he insists that they go over to their house and even wants them to spend the weekend. He has not mentioned divorce, but I am in the process. My girls know the truth about this now, but becouse they are only 9 and 6 they don't seem to really understand how bad of an example this is for them. I really don't want my girls exposed to them together like that (unless they married, of course) or at least until after our divorce is final but he is totally adamant. Is there hope for me out there? I just feel like this is all incredibly damaging to our little girls...thank you

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Easy answer: NO. NO, NO, NO. NEVER. IRRELEVANT. This is not only irrelevant to your case, any judge who considered it in making a custody award would be subject to an immediate reversal on appeal for abuse of discretion. We have no fault divorce in California (since 1970) and have extensive case law (older stuff from the 1970's) that says these sorts of moral concerns cannot be brought up and are irrelevant. You can be sanctioned in court for even mentioning this (i.e. subject to a monetary fine).

If your husband were gay and moved in with his boyfriend it would still be irrelevant and would have no effect on custody (there's case law on that too).

You are entitled to hold whatever personal moral views you want but keep in mind feelings about the "immorality" of adultry or extramarital affairs are not universally accepted and will have no impact on custody (I've had many clients try to bring this up and have had to counsel them about the way we view the matter in court).