Hi everyone,


I was wondering if anyone could give me some insight or advice on my situation?

I've been dating my girlfriend (ex as of now?) for almost 3 years. Everything has been great, and absolutely perfect. No real big fights. We go to different schools, and we're only able to see each other on the weekends due to the university workload. This is our second year in the long distance part of our relationship (We're about an hour apart). She's been under a lot of stress recently with her schooling, and working two jobs.

This past weekend after I had just left, her parents took her out to dinner and told her that they are getting a divorce, and her mom is thinking about moving back to her home country. They are also quite hard on her regarding her marks at school. After that dinner, she called me later that night to tell me we need time apart, so she can figure her life out. I went the next day to go see her, as I was extremely confused (She had not told me any of those details in that conversation). She says she wants to deal with this alone, and she is trying to isolate her self from everyone so she doesn't hurt anyone. She epically doesn't want to hurt me and say things she might regret later when she is upset about her parents. She thinks it will be easier for me if we take a break while she deals with this. She says she loves me with all her heart, and still wants to be with me. I asked her if she plans on moving back to her home country as well, and she says she won't go back at all, it's the last thing she wants.

It's been 6 days since this has started, and I haven't spoke to her at all in the last 4. I'm trying to give her the space she wants. Does anyone have a thought on what she might be feeling?

I think she may call me soon, at least I hope. I have some questions I want to ask her. Can anyone give me some advice please? Any insight? Anything I should ask her, do for her, etc.. Anything I should not do? I will wait as long as it takes for her, we've always planned on spending the rest of our lives together. She said if she fell out of love, that she would tell me. I hope that day doesn't come.

Thanks in advance everyone.

Hmmm... well, I would not wait around long for her to make up her mind. This could take a few days, a few weeks, or forever.

Usually people want to be surrounded with the ones they love when bad things happen for support and comfort.

My advice is don't contact her right now and leave her alone. She will contact you if she wants. You need to just stay busy with school, try not to worry about her, and continue on with your life.

Don't wait around long... I would assume the worst. Start healing and building your life with out her now.

Hey man, I would say if she says she loves you and wants to be with you, let her be for now she'll come around, this is a case of trust in my eyes, I would let her be and definitely let her contact you first.

She has a lot to deal with, and has to be hurt, and confused, as are you, so do as she asks, and go about your business, and hope she can deal with what she has to. I know your worried, but you must do as she has asked, no matter how it turns out.

Just don't sit around, waiting, as its important for you to be happy, with out her.

My thinking says couples are more bonded during a crisis, and support each other, and that fact alone tells you to do what's best for you, without her, at this time.

Thanks guys,


Unfortunately I caved earlier that day, and gave her a ring late Friday. I asked to talk, she asked if she could call me tomorrow. I said okay, but this is long, and something I want to talk about in person, and she said if I want I can come down. I then said "Ok, I will talk to you then, I love you"... "Ok, bye" and she hung up. This is the first time she has ever done this.


Any reason that this may have happened? She said to me the one night we talked that she was starting to go emotionally numb. Could it be this, or was something happening that I was completely unaware of? Or is she trying to push me away for calling her?


Thanks for your reply guys, I am going to let her know that I am not coming down, I apologize for calling, and she can call me when she's ready. That I won't call her. This is so hard, and I really appreciate you guys giving your advice and insight.

Leave her alone. She has a lot on her mind right now and probably doesn't think she can give her all to the relationship right now. Start to find things to do to spend time with out her and LEAVE HER ALONE.

She will contact you when she wants to talk. Don't wait around.

THanks everyone.


I talked to her today, and she told me she doesn't have time for a boyfriend anymore. She doesn't love me anymore as she has gone emotionally numb. I will be moving on, and it's going to be hard. Thanks for all these responses, you have really made this easier for me.

Sad, really. She been getting close to any other guys? A divorce doesn't make you fall out of love, sorry. It's a load of BS.

Yep, like HighMax said, load of BS. She may have used this as an excuse to break-up, so she doesn't feel like the bad guy in all of this.

It's not that she directly fell out of love, but she has gone emotionally numb. She has isolated all her feelings for everything, and isn't talking to any of her friends about her parents, or me. She said I reminded her of the pain, or something along those lines. If it's another guy... well... but I really doubt it.

How could she associate you with her pain? Something just isn't adding up here. How old is she, anyway? Just curious. Age depending, a divorce shouldn't be such a devastating experience if you are out of HS.

Another update,

She recently messaged me online. We just talked generally for a few minutes, then I said I was going to sleep, bye. I know I'm not supposed to make any contact with her what so ever, but I made the mistake of telling her I still want to be friends (On the phone when I found out we were actually broken up). I still love her with all my heart, and want her back.

I know I must not be the first to make communication, but how should I deal with it when she communicates with me? I am not pushing her, expressing any of my feelings (no I love you at the end of the conversation), or asking about us. It's only happened once, but I'm wondering what I should do if it comes up again. Thanks again everyone!

Sorry, forgot to reply to you there HighMax.

She is in second-year university. Her mom is moving away to her home country, so I know it is devastating for her. Because she knows I want to help her through this, and she says that brings up the pain. She does not want to talk about any of it, she wants to deal with it all alone (by basically ignoring and bottling up the pain), and she knows I want her to express her feelings and cry on my shoulder. I think that's what she means by it. She also doesn't want me to feel any of her pain, or have any extra stress put on me. She also doesn't want to explode on me once her bottled up pain becomes too much [it comes out one way or another right?] I know she would never lie to me.

Keep your head up kid. You will be fine, I promise you.

If she contacts you, it's up to you what you do. Just remember she is seeing you as "Just Friends" now. If you can handle that then, fine talk to her. Most people can't with out getting all of their emotions stirred up again. My ex called once last week. I thought I could handle talking to her, and I did fairly well but I came to the realization that she was talking to me as just friends and I wasn't at that point yet. So I still need time before I can talk to her on a semi-regular basis or whatever.

It's all how you handle yourself. Just remember, it will be harder to move forward when your looking behind you.

I see exactly what you mean. I'm starting to come to the realization that I need to Let Go of her... Talking as friends won't work for me, but I still need to be there for her if she breaks down over her parents (found out her grandma is leaving her as well), or anything else. Thanks again guys, you've really helped.

Why do you need to be there for her? She blocked you from supporting her as a boyfriend...

From my point of view you would be like an emotional sponge sucking up all these negative emotions, feeling bad for her, missing her and breaking up while she feels better and better as she drops her emotional load on you and additionally gets over you quicker. You might end up biting the dust...

Of course if she is super-in-trouble-upset you should be there for her.

Or is that just selfish me talking :X

Like D&B said... don't let her unload her emotional burden on you, that's what she has Girlfriends for. She dumped you therefore freeing and breaking all ties. You owe her nothing. You are not responsible for her well being. She needs to deal with all of this in her own way, with out you.

As of now, I still haven't talked to her (I also blocked her on MSN, so if she does want to talk as friends, she will have to call me). One question that has been bothering me, is over Christmas break (once both of our exams are done) should I attempt to contact her, and talk to her about everything? I still want to get her a present (I've been planning it for quite some time). I'm trying to keep my mind off her, and focus on school, but that's quite the challenge.