Im 14 and I know for a fact I don't love my adoptive parents. I was adopted at birth along with my brother who is my true brother and he was adopted when he was born. I don't think I know how to be attatched to anyone or love anyone. If I moved I wouldn't miss anyone. I wouldn't even miss my 2 best friends. I want to know who I am. I have no idea. My brotherhas add and my adoptive parents paid most of their attention to him for the past 4 years and I don't even know my mom or my dad and I went through a really hard time in my life and I had no one. I really want to meet my birth parents but I am only 14 and I'm sure they don't care about me since they had a closed adoption in 1994 with me and they had a closed one with my brother too. I think I have attatchment issues but I don't want to talk to my mom or anyone about it. Help I dunnno what to do. I really don't want to live in my house anymore I want to move away and just get away from this life.

If your adoptive parents don't love you, or if they don't have a good heart, they won't adopt you.
When I was 14, I even sometimes hated my dad because he hit me if I was naughty. But I love him and thankful for all the punishment he had on me. Without his strict manners, I won't become a good girl today.
Your age is like the blooming flower. You have many chances to see your born family later when you are a grown-up. If your born parents didn't have difficulties, they would never leave you.
I think since you have a hope to find your born parents, you must be a very good person. I don't know whether the current family treats you well or not. But please care about them and forgive them if they are not nice. Your life is different in the beginning, which is because your are destined to be a wonderful person who could later take care of people who took care of you earlier, and also find your another part of family who never lost love for you.

It sounds to me like you are going through some of the same emotions that MOST 14 year olds go through.

The fact that your adoption is closed will make it EXTREMELY difficult to find your birthparents after you reach your majority.

I find it odd that the adoption was closed, yet you and your brother were placed with the same parents. Especially in 94. By 1994, open adoption had really caught on, and most birthparents were choosing to go with at least a semi-open adoption.

You need to talk to your mom (your adoptive mom) because a lot of what you're describing sounds like depression, and you need to see a doctor an/or a counselor about it.

Although I was never adopted, I felt the same way in my teenage years (13-15) I never had a great relationship with my parents, they were both somewhat absent my whole life and too into their own lives. I felt numb, detached from friends, exactly how you say, if I moved or never saw my friends, I wouldn't even care. I was very insecure and never thought I had the right things to say or feel. I felt I had no real identity since I never felt emotional toward anything and wished I could be as happy and carefree and confident as my other peers. I kept it all inside and it ate me up. I wish I could go back and make it better by expressing myself to a close member of my family or friend. Share how you feel with someone. Even if you are pessimistic about it, getting it off your chest helps a lot. I went through a lot my teen years, and as I started to just open up and come out of my shell, doing things that I enjoyed with friends and fam, I got better and felt better about myself, became happy, enjoyed being me, and discovered who I was. Share how you feel is the first step. It can't get better if you don't acknowledge the problem. Tell your parents how you feel. Or if you can't be that direct, tell your parents you need to speak with someone, a counsler or therapist. Let your feelings out and things will get better. You probably do have attatchment issues, and they can be fixed, and you will be able to realize the parents you have do love you. You just can't see it right now, you have a lot of issues going on. We are all human and have love in us, so do you, sometimes its just hidden underneath all our problems. Your parents and friends no doubt care and love you very much, you just need to work through this so you can believe and feel the love back.

I am adopted and have adopted a son myself. Your adopted parents are your REAL parents they are the ones that raised you, that was up in the middle of the night when you were sick or scared. You need to work on a relationship with them, not a dream about some lady that just was a egg donor and was present when you were born. Next you don't even know what or if she wants to meet you. For every loving meeting like they show on Oprah when someone finds a bio parent, there are several where they find a drug addict, or someone who hates them or someone that spits in their face.

As you grow older you will have time to search for the person who gave you birth, but a mother, nope that they will never be.

You may have attachment issues but they have nothing to do with the fact that you were adopted.

All 14 y/os have issues with their parents and feel that their younger/older/female/male sibling/pet/car/football team gets more attention than they do and that their parents don't love them.

All 14 y/os are wrong. Like the saying goes, I wish I knew half as much now as I did when I was a teenager.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

some lady that just was a egg donor and was present when you were born.

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Chuck, not to be rude, but these people are not always egg or sperm donors. They could have chose abortion. These were people who knew that they could not give a good life to a child and, rather than kill them, they gave them the life that would not be possible otherwise.

People who put children up for adoption give the most unselfish gift anyone could give. The gift of a child to a couple who cannot have their own. Don't you think these "egg donors" might possibly suffer from their unselfish act far into the future?

I know of people who have given children up for adoption, closed and open adoptions. These parents still suffer daily for what they did, but know that it was the right thing to do. You may have some unresolved issues regarding your own adoption.

Now to the OP. The people who raised you are your parents. Although they are not genetically linked to you, they are your parents. My husband and his brother and sister were adopted and feel that their adoptive parents are saints. They also feel that their donors, as Chuck calls them, are saints as well. This is because they are alive. Without the adoption they could have been aborted and would not be alive today, OR without the adoption they could have lived very poor and lonely lives going without food, shelter, etc.

Adoption is a beautiful thing when it happens. The birth parents could have been teens or drug addicts and knew that the environment they would provide would not be proper for an infant. They gave the gift of life to someone who would never experience it otherwise.