3 years of great love, now girl wants to go back to her childhood friend
Hello All,
Hope everyone is doing well. Am not, in a deep state of shock, depression... am 31 and about to finish my PhD... I met this girl ~ 3yrs ago, in fact she was the one who started this relation, as I was out going and helped her meet people and gave comfort.
About her, she is a very nice girl,27, she had feelings for a guy since she was a teen and she was unable to persuade him because of her family rules... then the family chose a guy for her and asked her to marry him, she said yes, may be out of fear, it went on for about 2 years and she started telling about her childhood guy to this new guy and I think he hated it, as a result he started behaving crazy and she thought he was controlling her and then faced a hard break up and now he is married to another girl and I don't know how he is now. I also knew this guy as he was in the same univ when we were all doing grad studies together. During the process of having this second guy with her, she used to talk to the first guy over phone and the second guy used to hate it. The second guy threatened her and she almost broke and wanted to commit suicide etc, but the first guy persuaded her and spoke to her to calm her down and she thinks he saved her life, she listens and trusts him a lot. Then on, they continued over the phone after the second guys break up and the first guy used to talk to only her as he had not much friends around (btw, the first guy and the girl are in two diff places), the fact that the first guy is always with studies, gym and her, I think she got bored and all of a sudden I came into picture...
I just got back to the univ after a break and was starting my phd in the same group as hers, she found me interesting and we started talking to each other and she felt comfortable with me, and we started having a relationship. I knew about her break with the second guy and was not aware that she had strong feelings for the first guy. I think the first guy advised or was upset about she getting close with me... as a result she got more close with me as I was giving her freedom and good company... all this lead to our intimate relation and we almost stayed together for an year, she then had to move to some place and as there was a gap and combined with her family members fear, she started asking me to leave her alone , I felt terrible and went to her place and spoke, as she saw me in person and also by the way I spoke her out of her family members fears, she said sorry to me and we continued our relation... and it was great for another 2 yrs. Even in those 2 yrs she used to think of the first guy when ever she feels lonely and used to miss him and used to feel guilty when I came to know of it. She used to say she will never call him again and will try to forget him etc... and just 2 weeks back also we had a good trip with her mom. She loves her mom and wants her to be happy, I think her mom now said, that if she decides to marry me, that might be a problem as I will have to takecare of my family members. Her mom suggested her that if she chooses the first guy, she might accept that as he has a family with good credentials.
For the past one week, she started asking me for space and she now says, she can't get him out her mind and imagines a life with the first guy... which I feel is a mistake on her part, as my relation did not start just like that... I agree we had problems and we could sort them out by talking. She blames me that I don't talk during stressful times...
Now I am heartbroken and in a deep shock to realize she is moving out of my life. Even more, the feeling of she going back to that guy gives me nevre wrecking feeling of rejection... am confused and people (one of my best friends) say its better to move on and find another girl... I feel like sharing all my intimate things with this first guy... I don't even know if he will take her back, when ever she calls , he says he doesn't want to talk to her and there is no coming back of her to him...
She says, she has not yet decided to go this way or that... I spoke to a psychiatrist who happens to be my landlord and he is suggesting me to go for anti depression medication...
I asked this girl to see this doc, but I think she is reluctant to see this particular guy, but at least said, she would want to meet some doc alone...
Now am not able to concentrate on anything, my phd is at stake, I had a job lined up, but its on hold, she even says, that she afraid of the job security with me and compares that the first guy is capable of taking care as he is from a big and v.good univ...
How much ever I control not to contact her, I am unable to do so, no appetite, no sleep, am so depressed... please advise me, I wrote all this just to vent out my feelings, even though I know, what many people would say...