Hey all,

I just wanted to let out some of the things that are bothering. For a couple years now I feel like I have a staring problem and I think it may be related to anxiety. When I am talking to someone or listening to someone, my gets a bit racy and I begin to get self-conscious about my eyes and where I am looking. If someone is presenting, my eyes get fixed on the person and I am scared to look away because I fear I might disrupt the presentation. Also, sometimes when I am having a conversation with someone, I feel like I have a depressed look on my face and that I look like I have problems. Therefore, the person will start thinking I am weird and depressed. I do have some anxiety in different social situations, but this eye contact problem is really preventing me from going far in my life. I am really scared to do any presentation because I can't concentrate on what I am saying because I am so preoccupied with how I should make eye contact and who to make eye contact with. I am also worried about what people may think if I don't make eye contact with them. The problem that bothers me the most is when I feel like I have a depressed look on my face when I am talking or listening to someone. I feel like I have no control over my facial reactions. Does anyone have a similar problem or have any insight that could help me? I really appreciate it.

Thanks,
KG

It might be. From personal experience I have had similar problems. Just that I am almost unable to look people in the eye, so I focus on their mouth when they talk to me. I think I'm scared to look people in the eye because I'm afraid they'll see right through me... so your eye thing might be anxiety as well.

Do you have social anxiety (of any degree?)

Not severe social anxiety, but I do get nervous in certain social situations. Mostly this happens with someone of authority, like a professor.

It's quite natural. It's a self-aware thing. You are becoming more self-aware and are therefore becoming aware of certain aspects of your personality that make you feel a bit self-conscious. Work at relaxing more and trusting yourself. Most of the problem comes from wondering what you look like when you are standing listening to someone. Try having a pretend conversation with yourself in the mirror.

Yeah I could do that. I guess my biggest issue is that my perception of how people see me is not really how they see me as. And the more I worry about it, the more real it becomes.

Another good and very useful way to deal with this is to become a good listener. If you concentrate more on what they are saying the rest will simply fade away. And on the plus side you will be liked for being a good listener.

Being self conscious like that is a good thing that you can use to your benefit. At the moment you are doing other people's thinking for them e.g.. "what do they think of me, how do i look" etc. which is not to your benefit because you cannot change or control how other people think and the truth is they are probably more worried about themselves! So firstly you have to stop worrying about what other people think as this will drive you crazy.. you could come up with a million different answers or ideas and none of them may be right!! SO.. you got to believe that YOU think YOU are OK, it doesn't matter who you look at when presenting, so let go of all these ideas and tell yourself you are doing the best job you can. Every time a worried thought about what others think comes into your mind simply tell yourself you believe in yourself and you are OK, you look as well as you can and you are doing a good job. Then you will begin to realise that you are no longer self conscious but self confident! :) practice practice practice!

Thanks so much for the help. I am going to try that out.

happy95
Hi I face similar problem like you. But my situation is more complicated then yours. I also stare at people in my society people noticed it & they felt I am of bed character. They told this to every one who know me that I stair at boys. Now people make fun of me every where they laugh on me. Now my position is that I went in to depression now I scare to go out of my house I don't know what to do. I can't make my family understand what I am passing through. I have seen you are also facing same problem can you tell me how you tried to solve it
PLEASE SHARE YOUR VIEWS AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE.

Well since then, I've learned a bit on how to control it. The most important thing I realized is that if you're focusing on your staring or worried it's going to happen, it's much harder to get rid of it. Just try to go with the flow. If people make fun of you it's because they cannot make eye contact just as long as you can. Staring is just another word for curious about the environment. However, you should just try and make sure you're doing the right things and not worried about what other people think

happy95
Hi thanks for the advise but it is very difficult to control it but I am trying my best to leave it because I am very conscious person & I always feel what people think about me when they see me & after this incident the people who know me don't want to see my face & I have no friends left & for a girl it is very bad situation.

If your friends left you because if your problem, then they weren't very good friends to begin with. Most people are confused when it comes to these situations and they don't know what to do. If you know people who are good people, you should try to spend time with them. Also try to meet new people who know nothing about you so you can be whoever you want to be. This will build up your confidence.

Is this anxiety you said you feel, something that happens at the time of the event, or do you start feeling anxious the day before, when you get up on that day. Do you carry those feelings with you before, during and after an event is what I'm wondering.

Confidence can be a tricky thing, as can affect, a psychology term. If you think you have a depressed face, that is not something you see on the outside, that is what you think people see when they look at you. Your affect in other words, is affecting how you think you are perceived by others.

That it happens as you said, mostly with authority figures, might be because they are the ones that are in a position to judge you, i.e. the professor. This could affect your relationship with him, how he marks your essay's, etc.

To stare at a person's eyes, sounds like safe mode to me. You have found a way to focus, keep the self-doubt in check, and get through the class, presentation, etc. How would it go for you if you were to try to look around the room, or make eye contact with someone accidentally, or notice some noise in the background and turn to look at it. Would it be then more difficult for you to return to the one making the presentation?

I used to have this weird thing go on. Shaking. Being shy and self-conscious for years, if anybody expected me to do anything in a social situation, I would blubber up and start shaking on the inside. It took time to overcome that feeling and not talk two octaves higher than my natural voice.

All I really want to say is that if you find after trying on your own that you are feeling worse, or more intense feelings are affecting the quality of your everyday life, then seek counselling. That may help as well to give you the confidence you need to face people.

Good luck to you.

"oh my god" at last I thought I was the only one and that I was mad or there was something wrong with my eyes... well it started when I wasin school my teacher said whenever you havean interview always make eye contact but when iried I felt weird and anxious from then on people where telling mei stared a lot then now people call me weird or freakish behind my back because I'm constantly noticing here my eyes are mving when I'm talking e.g. I talk to someone and I feel as if I'm conscious of my eye movements whereas normal people aren't... im too conscious... well do you know what this diagnosis came to I have anxiety disorder not a specific one e.g. social anxiety but the genral term... this is called derialisation and depersonalisation... its when you feel deattachedfrom your body also that you feel numb on the face when your talking to someone because u can't make expressions to that but when alone you can make expressions yay hope it helped email me at [email protected] please bye