=: The Atheist and the Bear :=

An atheist was walking through the woods.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful
animals!" he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in
the bushes behind him. He turned and saw a 7-foot grizzly
charging towards him.

He ran as fast as he could but, looking over his shoulder, he
saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He tripped and fell on the ground, rolled over to pick
himself up, but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching
for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike
him.

At that instant the atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man and a Voice came out of
the sky.

"You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I
don't exist, and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do
you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to
count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light and cried: "It
would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a
Christian now but, perhaps, You could make the BEAR a
Christian"?

"Very well," said the Voice.

The light went out.

The sounds of the forest resumed.

And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws
together, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive through
Christ our Lord, Amen."

[author unknown]

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_11_7.gifI enjoy getting these and sharing them with you.

Haha, good one! Been a long time since I've heard that one!

A priest, a minister and a rabbi went fishing. After a while out on the lake they ran out of bait. The minister said he'd get more, stepped over the side of the boat, walked to shore, got bait and walked back to the boat. The rabbi just stared. After a while, they ran out of bait again. The priest said he'd go this time and followed the same procedure as the minister. After a while, they ran out of bait again. The rabbi looked at the other two and said he guessed it was his turn. He slowly stood up, stepped over the side of the boat, and went straight to the bottom of the lake. The priest looked at the minister and said, "I suppose we should have told him where the stones are."

A priest and an atheist go golfing. The atheist teed up first, swung, missed the ball and said "Goddamn, missed." The priest chided him for his language. The atheist reset his ball, swung, missed again and said, "Goddamn, missed again." The priest again reprimanded the atheist and warned that God would strike him dead if he didn't watch his language. The atheist tried to tee off again, showing great concentration, swung... and barely tipped the ball which went about 10 yards. "Goddamn! Missed again!" All of a sudden the sky got dark, a rumbling in the clouds could be heard and a bolt of lighting came down and struck the priest dead! Then a thundering voice from the sky said, "Goddamn, missed again."