:confused: hello everybody!
I'm 22 and my husband is 34 , we recently got married but we are together for almost 3 years... so here's the probem.
I love having sex with him,he turns me on every time he touches me,he is a great lover,but... sometimes not very often but happens... like yesterday , he loses his erection during the intercourse, and when is the high "level" of the intercourse he just stops and his penis is soft... we had this problem a few times while making love... we have a foreplay, sometimes we don't have a foreplay.The only time it didn't happen is during the oral sex... :confused:
And I don't think its my fault, I look pretty good and I'm in good shape... im worried might be a symptome of impotence... when I'm asking him what happened he just answers that he gets tired,his heart starts to beat very very fast and he breaths heavy and then he stops,lately he put some weight on, he's not overweighted or anything,he's just cute:)... yesterday he was so down and left to be alone in the another room,he felt embarrassed,I don't care I love him but still this problem makes me so depressed... dont know if we need a doctor or its just a pchycological problem.. ughh... did it happen to anyone?how?when?any advice?anything?HELP might be a symptome of impotence?or why is happening?

Thank you in Advance :(

O.N.

Yes, your husband would benefit from seeing a doctor and you have to handle this situation delicately for your husband's sake. Once he starts getting nervous that it could happen, he can cause it to happen. If he feels embarrassed or unsupported he could make the situation worse for himself. Be encouraging, if it happens again suggest very kindly seeing a doctor. Erectile dysfunction is very normal and can hit men at any age. I have a friend who has been dealing with it since his mid twenties.

Many things can affect issues with ED... and sometimes its just one big thing, or it can be the sum of many smaller things added up.

I've long said that steel piercing hard ons are wasted on teen kids with nothing good to do with them.

Here's a laundry list of the kinds of things that can cause issues with performance... most are tied to mental health, vascular health (blood flow), or other health issues.

Depression kills libido. As does performance anxiety... one "failure" can beget others... really ugly feedback cycle. Just as most women experience sex better when they can lose themselves in the moment, a man can have performance issues if he's worried about performance.

Issues outside the bedroom can absolutely affect the bedroom. Job stress, money issues, relationship issues, anything that keeps his mind worried or frustrated.

Good health is important. My sex drive, and I believe my performance, at best when I have a regular exercise routine... and studies of men with ED issues have shown that exercise is one of the best ways to start to correct this issue.

The bodys vascular system loses its elasticity over time... this isn't atherosclerosis, where plaque buildup can lead to heart attack... this is simply the body aging in a manner that the blood vessels lose their elasticity, and since blood flow is paramount to a strong erection, this can be a natural cause of ED.

Other issues can be weight gain, high blood pressure, hormone levels (one of the most overlooked areas in my opinion), medications, drug use, alcohol, smoking, a lack of quality sleep (not just hours), pollution, excessive self stimulation, etc...

Mentally, we all lose some of the mystery concerning sex. When you are a teen just a peek at a bra strap might get you rock hard. You don't know what a breast feels like. What its like to be inside a woman. etc. over time we become somewhat desensitized because the mystery is gone. That doesn't mean partners are doomed to an ever decreasing level of arousal... but it should be accepted that the excitement of the "chase" in a new relationship is tied, in part, to the "unknown"... and eventually that element is lessened. I love my wife and think she's sexy as sin, but I know how she kisses, what she tastes like, how she breathes when she's at orgasm.

So... what to do? First... try not to make this about you so much. It does affect you. You have to deal with it, but that doesn't mean it is tied to you in etiology.

Two of the most important factors you can deal with are mental health and exercise. Join a gym. Make time to workout together. Exercise is one of the most important things I do to keep my drive strong. Also, mix things up. Have a date night out with dinner and a night spent in a hotel, even if its just down the road. We don't do this often enough, but getting out of your normal element, getting kids cared for, getting away from a place filled with tasks and familiarity... it can sometimes make for a great evening... and sometimes a few "wins" might be all that's needed to get his confidence up.

Can he perform oral on you to get you to orgasm or close? If so, try this and then engage him in intercourse. Tell him to not hold back. See what his response is.

If he is going flacid in the middle of intercourse, try to change up the stimulation. If he's on top, reach around with one hand, underneath your rear, and try to stimulate his "guys" with your fingertips. Stimulation at the testes is often overlooked, and one of the greatest "tricks" in my opinion... also the perinium is quite sensitive, just as it can be for a woman, so a little finger play at the lower base of the testes, near the rear, can add another stimulation that will perhaps keep his body guessing.

A finger in your mouth can simulate a "peripheral" bj. etc...

So... lots to consider.

Yes... as a man ages he faces more obstacles to performance. Some never experience any issues. Some do much earlier.

Seeing a doctor isn't a bad idea if my suggestions don't help. As I mentioned, a simple imbalance in hormone levels can hurt libido.

Last thought... what about time of day? Is there a time when he seems most receptive? Attentive? My partner and I are complete opposites... I love night sex, she's an early morning girl. Knowing this helps us understand the others body better.

And the mystery element can still be introduced. Stop him in the middle of a hallway, push him against the wall, and strip him down. See if the surprise element works. Take him into the shower with you and make him wash your body down. See if a little different early sensitization works.

If you take a longer time during intercourse than he seems to be able to maintain, do you ever self stimulate during sex? Its one of the most important tools a woman can use, in my opinion, and might bring you to orgasm faster while arousing his curiosity.

There's a lot to consider and a lot to try. Please don't be too frustrated. Good sex sometimes takes work, and in a case like this, with two loving partners, it might just be a "hiccup".