I'm not really into the bar scene that much and not particularly thrilled with the crowd the bars I've been to seem to attract (it seems so much cruising has gone online that there's not as many people out at the bars as there once was anyway). I'm a professional, white collar type of guy who works out at the gym 5 times a week, runs 2-3 miles every morning, doesn't and has never smoked and drinks very lightly, and is in great shape. So, I not looking for what is so commonly found at the bars: overweight smokers who drink too much and don't even know how to dress (I love clothes by the way and dressing well). Any suggestions of where to meet other similar type guys? Bars in larger cities, GLBT community center activities?

You would have better luck at a hook up site, than here.

I don't think Cadillac was trying to meet anyone here!

But I do think a dating site would be worth a try. Most sites let you choose, Man/Woman seeking Man/Woman, so you can choose any combination. Plus there are sites just for gays.

If you are religious, you could look for a church that is gay friendly. And I think you'd have better luck in the city, but that's a long drive if you don't have someone specific to meet there.

What kinds of entertainment and activities do you like? You should orient your search toward people with similar interests, whether that's hiking or movies... I bet there are groups of gay singles who do things together. You aren't the only one is this position.

Have fun. :)

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Originally Posted by asking

I don't think Cadillac was trying to meet anyone here!

But I do think a dating site would be worth a try. Most sites let you choose, Man/Woman seeking Man/Woman, so you can choose any combination. Plus there are sites just for gays.

if you are religious, you could look for a church that is gay friendly. And I think you'd have better luck in the city, but that's a long drive if you don't have someone specific to meet there.

What kinds of entertainment and activities do you like? You should orient your search toward people with similar interests, whether that's hiking or movies...I bet there are groups of gay singles who do things together. You aren't the only one is this position.

Have fun. :)

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Thanks Asking. Yes I certainly was not looking to hook up with anyone here (my goodness). An awful lot of people have gone online to meet nowadays, a big switch from years ago (in the pre-internet days everyone had to go somewhere to meet other people).

Activities I like are outdoor stuff, hiking, of course the gym, movies, all those things. I used to be kind of religious and have considered church but I'm a little mad at churches nowadays over the proposition 8 thing (I know the gay-friendly ones weren't for it).

I had a crush on my plastic surgeon recently (I went to him to have those dermal filler injections to soften those laugh lines you get in your face- they work pretty well by the way- -yeah I know I'm a little vain) but then I ran out of reasons to keep coming back to him. I was never really sure if he was gay (he was divorced twice) but I was getting some kind of gay vibe from him I thought (maybe it was just wishful thinking). I didn't have the courage to ask him out unfortunately and now I feel like I let a good one slip away. Oh well.

Thanks again for your advice.

I don't in my heart, really like dating. I mean I am shy and it's hard to go out with a total stranger and really enjoy it, plus men expect women to be flirtatious and I'm not most of the time. BUT I have gotten better at dating using online sites. I've learned not to take any one date seriously. It's just coffee or a walk on the beach. I think nowadays that's basically how people meet and there's no reason not to try it. Of course, you meet people the first time for very short periods and in a public place.

One thing I've learned is that how people act with just me and how they act with their friends or mine are all completely different things, so it's good to get them in a social setting early, not just cocoon with them because it's easy and fun.

So somebody might be totally easy going one and one and then when you are out together, they could be arguing with store clerks, or openly cruising for others. Or with their friends, they show a completely unexpected side of their personality. Or they act weird around your friends. I hate to inflict my dates on friends and family, but I don't know how else to test drive them for compatibility.

Any advice welcome if that isn't too much of a digression from this topic. Anyway, I'm trying to give you the benefit of what I've learned in the last couple of years, being more or less in the same situation. :)

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Originally Posted by asking

I don't in my heart, really like dating. I mean I am shy and it's hard to go out with a total stranger and really enjoy it, plus men expect women to be flirtatious and I'm not most of the time. BUT I have gotten better at dating using online sites. I've learned not to take any one date seriously. It's just coffee or a walk on the beach. I think nowadays that's basically how people meet and there's no reason not to try it. Of course, you meet people the first time for very short periods and in a public place.

One thing I've learned is that how people act with just me and how they act with their friends or mine are all completely different things, so it's good to get them in a social setting early, not just cocoon with them because it's easy and fun.

So somebody might be totally easy going one and one and then when you are out together, they could be arguing with store clerks, or openly cruising for others. Or with their friends, they show a completely unexpected side of their personality. Or they act weird around your friends. I hate to inflict my dates on friends and family, but I don't know how else to test drive them for compatability.

Any advice welcome if that isn't too much of a digression from this topic. Anyway, I'm trying to give you the benefit of what I've learned in the last couple of years, being more or less in the same situation. :)

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Thanks, Asking for your comments.

It's unfortunate in a way that so much dating has gone online nowadays. Imagine how it was back in the old days with no internet. You had to go out and meet face to face first (there were newspaper ads and dating services but I think those are a little different) before a date.

Wish I had an easy answer. Being confident is about the most important thing I can think of. Some people can meet others anywhere, in the bank, in line at the grocery store, you know.

I like your advice about church or going to larger cities. I might do that since I'm only about 50 miles from San Francisco.

Well, what I'm saying about the internet is that you DO meet them face to face. Don't waste time emailing and phone calling more than a couple of times. You can use the internet to set up a date in the City.

You could stand in a lot of bank lines before you find the right guy, so I wouldn't limit yourself.
You'll find someone!
Cheers

Finding someone, gay or straight is a real issue and I know the problems he is facing, If you don't want to hang out at bars ( and who wants a drunk if you don't drink)

At but even for mature straight men, you don't know which ladies are dating or married or living together, you don't know which ladies don't like me and more.

So as I have joined the dating scene this last couple months, it is a pure pain. So honestly except for just trying the odds and asking people you are interested in, some of the internet sites are better than nothing.

You can try this site Use the Internet to get off the Internet! - Meetup.com It is a site that offer people to join groups with the same interests as them. I am a member of a parents groups in New York. Also, I know other people that use this site.

My cousin lives in CA and she joined a group there as well. You can search the groups available in your area and I believe they have a professional gay group in your area. It is worth a try and look.

Liz is right! (Had to spread the rep.)
I have not used meetup, but it looks great and it was on the tip of my tongue to suggest it.

Thanks for the link. It looks great.

I signed up for that site and it looks good. Thanks again.

The problem I have is I live in this super-straight town (or I should say I'm stuck here) and all we have are straight bars and the gym. And the gym is a straight gym with straight people everywhere. Of course, I'm drooling over the cute guys there but they are all straight as far as I can tell and always talking about the football or basketball games (I don't even know the names of the teams or how to play the games myself), their girlfriends, wives, and motorcycles. Nothing going on in their heads other than that.

I went to West Hollywood last summer (which is LAs' gay village--we also call it boystown) and I had a great time because there are gay people everywhere. It's a totally different kind of environment. Like night and day.

Move. :)

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Originally Posted by asking

Move. :)

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That's easier said than done once you've settled in a place.

Hey, that site was not bad. I already joined a professional gay mens group that has a mixer (I always loved that word, reminds me of something out of a 1950s era college campus) scheduled at some Italian restaurant the first Friday of next month. You should give that site a try, Asking.

Oh and one other thing. Here's a great example of what's so cool about this board: in one day I got a lead to something that might be fun.

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Originally Posted by cadillac59

That's easier said than done once you've settled in a place.

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Yeah. I know. If you've got clients and family. I was joking.

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Originally Posted by cadillac59

Hey, that site was not bad. I already joined a professional gay mens group that has a mixer (I always loved that word, reminds me of something out of a 1950s era college campus) scheduled at some Italian restaurant the first Friday of next month. You should give that site a try, Asking.

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Cool! I will check it out.
Yes about "mixer."

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Originally Posted by asking

Yeah. I know. If you've got clients and family. I was joking.



Cool! I will check it out.
Yes about "mixer."

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I have to wonder if "mixer" is one of those strictly East Coast words, which is why it sounds so awfully quaint out here. Last time I heard it was in that old movie, The Paper Chase from 1973, with Timothy Bottoms and Lindsay Wagner. Timothy Bottoms (who plays "Hart" in the movie) meets some girl who says, "Hey I didn't see you at the mixer last night.."

When you do go to the first mixer, do some back to share how it went because it should be fun.

I belong to the parents want to have fun club and it is fun. I got to meet people that I would've never met. We go many places as a group and sometimes we plan things to do with the kids. In March we are going to Hawaii and I can wait for that.

After I have my baby in January I plan on joining another group that my friend belongs too. The swing dance club, that club seems like a lot of fun too and I like to swing dance.

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Originally Posted by liz28

When you do go to the first mixer, do some back to share how it went because it should be fun.

I belong to the parents want to have fun club and it is fun. I got to meet people that I would've never met. We go many places as a group and sometimes we plan things to do with the kids. In March we are going to Hawaii and I can wait for that.

After I have my baby in January I plan on joining another group that my friend belongs too. The swing dance club, that club seems like alot of fun too and I like to swing dance.

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I think it sounds great, very informal and low-keyed. The online thing just gives people a reason to get together to get to know each other. It's got the advantages of online meetings without the hassles yet is better than just going some place and hoping to randomly meet people.