My boyfriend and I started dating in high school. Everything was perfect. My parents liked him, and they all got along very well. Then my boyfriend and I would get in bad fights about his smoking habit. My parents didn't like that we were fighting, and they didn't realize that fighting is sometimes a normal part of any relationship. One day I met up with my boyfriend across from my friends house because we were in a fight and needed to talk. It ended up in some yelling, and my friends parents claimed that he grabbed me, which is NOT TRUE. He would never hurt me, and if he would then I would NOT be with him. Anyway, my dad freaked out when he heard this, and called my boyfriends dad and threatened him that if he didn't keep his son away from me, he would be sorry. My dad said that he is half crazy and doesn't care if he ends up in jail. My boyfriend is adopted, and when hearing that someone (my dad) threatened the man that gave him everything, he flipped out. My dad and him would argue all the time and horrible threats would be made back and fourth all the time. I tried to stay out of THEIR arguments, but now I am being drawn into it because my parents don't accept him AT ALL. They look down upon me for being with him. The problem is that I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM. I can see myself being with him for the rest of my life. I really wish that my parents would accept him though. My boyfriend said that he will write my family an apology letter, but I feel like this will not work. What should I do??

First what is your age and his age that can make a difference since you need to listen to your parents if you are under 18. In that case you really should cool things down considerably as far as being in a relationship with you. Most likely they will never change their mind about him until possibly he changes his attitude and behavior significantly to where they can not help but notice. Even him abiding by staying away from you for awhile could possibly give them a better perception of him since he would be showing that he can and is willing to respect their wishes. If you are over 18 then you might just have to make a decision between who you want a relationship with more and go with that.

I am 18 years old, but I don't want to make a decision between the two. I guess your right, I will just have to make them see the change in attitude of my boyfriend. Hopefully, eventually things will work out. Thank you.

Wow... this sounds just like what has happened to me. When me and my girlfriend started dating, things were all fine and her family was OK with me, but we had lots of fights after a while, like you said, happens in relationships, but her mum hated this fighting. I neva hurt her, but one day when we were fighting outside her house, I dropped her bag of groceries on the ground and just walked off. Her mum was on the balcony and heard the fight and then the loud noise of the groceries, but thought I had hit her. Then all hell broke loose, and her mum called my parents, my girlfriend's brother and almost called the police. She was yelling at me and I asked her why she hated me. Anyway, girlfriend was upset and walked off too, leaving her groceries on the ground, so I chased her off to the train station where she got on a train and went away, so I went back to my car which was parked outside her place, but I saw the groceries still on the floor, so I went up to her house and since her mum was on the phone to someone, I did some sign language thing to tell the mum to get the groceries from outside. The mum took this the wrong way and thought I was going to bash her, then I saw the brother running up the road coming for me. I got in the car and drove off, went home, her mum called my parents and they were all angry at me... so I took off.

Basically, my girlfriend then called me from the train telling me she was sorry, but I told her this was out of control now. Still we did not break up, because we knew I didn't hurt her and we were just having another disagreement. Anyway, for a year after that, she was still with me, but she couldn't mention my name to her family at all, I could neva see them or anything. I said the same thing to her, told her I'd write an apology letter to her family, but she said it wouldn't work either, and that I shouldn't apologize because I didn't do anything wrong.

Anyway, after a little more of this, my girlfriend couldn't take it and confronted her family and told them they were wrong, they didn't know me like she did and that I didn't hurt her. They didn't really believe her, but she said they'd have to get used to be and see me for the real me because we were going to get engaged. This kind of triggered something in them I guess, because they realized why would my girlfriend want to get engaged to me if I was such a bad guy. So then the mum kind of became OK with me a little more and now things are OK. Its back to how it was, maybe even better.

Sorry for the long story, but I guess the point I'm trying to make is that if you love your boyfriend and know he wouldn't hurt you, if your parents have the wrong idea of him, of if they have a negative image of him that you know is not true, then you have to stand up for him and tell your parents they are wrong. The more you tell them, the more they may realize it and then maybe one day, they'll give him a chance to prove himself, but right now, you are the only link between your parents and your boyfriend, so only you can make things right.

Thank you so much for writing that story to me. It really helps hearing advice from someone who has gone through the same kind of thing as me. I will keep standing up for him, and hopefully they will give him a chance to prove himself. I wish the best to you and your girlfriend as well, if you guys could get through that, you can get through anything. Thanks again. :)

No worries... we not only got through it... but we are engaged now... so it can be done. All the best :)