Excuse me, I've been drinking a little, but am not quite drunk. Yet.
I don't know where to turn to because conseling would be denied by my wife, as well as advice from family (both sides).

Few weeks ago, for reasons unknown to me, my wife was caught lying to me of her whereabouts, to be caught at a friends house, a male friends house, a married male friends house alone. After the inevitable fight, she promised not to hang out with him, only a week later he was with her taking care of her horse unknown to me, until I caught them.

A week later, she decides this guy is scum, and for some reason, suddenly decides to ignore me. Affection of any kind for me is off the table. At a rodeo she helped with, that I attended, she didn't make eye contact with me while she was next to me for the whole 2 minutes. She went back to her friends and sat with them the remainder of the event. Then to party with them later without me.

She is now avoiding home quite often, spending too much time with the ranch-hands, with her friends on girls nights, riding, almost anything without me, unless it involves a lot of money.

I am not allowed to watch her ride, go out to the bar with her with friends, or talk to a specific ranch hand.

I tried giving her more attention, more affection, only to be given the cold shoulder. Our heated arguments seem to bring no change, only little patience. I am now attempting to give her more "time" and space, but it hurts. I will do anything to prevent divorce. I know she has not cheated on me yet, and we both love each other.
She talks of living apart so I may finish school, but that she can be on her own and see how far she can take her dreams, while we live apart of course.

I don't know how to save this, perhaps I should leave, but I don't think that's a good idea, nor do I want to lose her. What should I do?

By the way, she was 19 and I, 24 when married, it has been just over two years since the wedding.

Stan, I am sorry to hear this but you know, I really am afraid that things are just a little worse than you know or might be admitting. Stan, if you love this girl as much as I really think you must, then you had better do everything within your power to save it... NOW! Take her out and tell her that you know things are bad but, you will do anything to keep her because she means everything to you. The only thing you can do now is prove to her just how much she means too you. If that doesn't work, then it was just too late. Good luck Stan.

Currently, things seem awkardly adrift, the destination predictably and shockingly unknown. I can actually talk to her more now, but she just turned 21 and is being rather selfish. Friends that experienced similar situations tell me she's headed toward divorce, or cheating. I am 99.99999% sure she didn't commit adultery, and 100% sure she loves me, though she is not in love with me as she says she was. She says the more I give her love and affection, subtly demanding love as I see it, I push her away. We are precariously sick of fighting. I avoid unleashing my emotional greivances.

I just want that loving wife I had back. The stress is nearing suicidal, I fear. But lately I've been guilty of anger and moving apart myself. The only thing that comforts me is God, and that life is eternal. Perhaps I am naïve, but hell, educate me.

A day can seem like a month when your marriage is on the rocks. Do everything possible to put one foot in front of the other, hard as that seems. Make as much as possible seem ordinary for now. Ordinary is good. Let things settle a bit before making any important decisions. Keep track of your feelings as independently of her as possible.

Stay out of playing "what if I" or "if only she" head trips. When the time comes, be definitive while still being a little flexible too - how long you are willing to wait and what you are willing to do. You will know these things as a result of searching out your feelings. Look at every option fairly but know that it only takes one to call it quits and that needs to be honoured too, should it happen. Divorce is a survivable event.

If you can't fix it and she can't fix it, there is no shame in seeking help should you both still want to fix it... marriage counselor, minister, someone who you both can trust.

I hope this helps.

Hi Stan, I agree with Magpro. I think it's all or nothing here. If you have committed all you have and you have both decided you can do nothing else then it's time to break it off. I think marriage is very important but I think it takes a lot of work and a lot of patience. Surely she knows how much this hurts you. If she does and she continues then that is a complete disregard for your feelings. If she has decided to separate then there won't be much you can do. You spoke of God and remember that with Him, all is possible. He never gives us anything we can't handle. If you are starting to feel suicidal, you MUST talk to a professional.

I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you both. I believe my marriage is in need of the most delicate handling. I work well under pressure, hopefully I don't screw this up.

You will do great! It sounds like you have the marriage as first priority and that is never a bad thing. Take care.

Hi STAN- First off throw away that bottle and look at your situation through clear and sober eyes! If you can't conversation over! Next look at YOURSELF and be honest about what you see in the mirror. Realize what it is you are about and take full, 100% responsibility for you and your actions! You and your wife are so young that the people you were when you married may not be who you are now. Married people talk to each other as honest communication is absolutely essential to solving any problems that DO... DO pop up in marriage and in life! Talk honestly to this woman and find out what is really on her mind and what you to can do about it. If she wants a break then you need to man up and give it to her and use the time to get yourself together in a better way. TAKE THE TIME TO DO THIS RIGHT!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Stan55

Excuse me, I've been drinking a little, but am not quite drunk. Yet.
I don't know where to turn to because conseling would be denied by my wife, as well as advice from family (both sides).

Few weeks ago, for reasons unknown to me, my wife was caught lying to me of her whereabouts, to be caught at a friends house, a male friends house, a married male friends house alone. After the inevitable fight, she promised not to hang out with him, only a week later he was with her taking care of her horse unkown to me, until I caught them.

A week later, she decides this guy is scum, and for some reason, suddenly decides to ignore me. Affection of any kind for me is off the table. At a rodeo she helped with, that I attended, she didn't make eye contact with me while she was next to me for the whole 2 minutes. She went back to her friends and sat with them the remainder of the event. Then to party with them later without me.

She is now avoiding home quite often, spending too much time with the ranch-hands, with her friends on girls nights, riding, almost anything without me, unless it involves a lot of money.

I am not allowed to watch her ride, go out to the bar with her with friends, or talk to a specific ranch hand.

I tried giving her more attention, more affection, only to be given the cold shoulder. Our heated arguments seem to bring no change, only little patience. I am now attempting to give her more "time" and space, but it hurts. I will do anything to prevent divorce. I know she has not cheated on me yet, and we both love each other.
She talks of living apart so I may finish school, but that she can be on her own and see how far she can take her dreams, while we live apart of course.

I don't know how to save this, perhaps I should leave, but I don't think that's a good idea, nor do I want to lose her. What should I do?

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Stan I'm sorry to hear all of this.

I was 24 when I got married am now 27, and I was 19 when I met my future husband. Sometimes yes I do feel I was maybe abit young, 19, to have met the man that I love and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. When I was 20 we moved in together and lived together ever since. I would not ever take any of it back, never ever.

Unforunatley what I'm going to say isn't going to sound good to you.
I noticed this when I first read this that you wrote - I quote - :- I don't know where to turn to because conseling would be denied by my wife, as well as advice from family (both sides). .

I can be almost 99.9% certain when one side of the party does NOT even consider counseling as a solution then in my eyes it's a serious problem. Ive seen this similar situation with 2 of my best friends who were married for 8 years, she just wouldn't even consider conseling and in fact I'm sorry to say their marriage ended, her decission. He obviously was distraught, but time heals, and a year later which is now, he is enjoying his life as a single man and he is always smiling.

Your wife's actions show no respect for your feelings.
Truly if she loved you why wouldn't she want you to watch her ride, why wouldn't she crave for you affection, why would she want to go out with friends to bars instead of with you.

I think you need to think this thoroughly through, and think selfishly - think for you.
Do you want to be with someone who doesn't respect you and your feeling?
Do you want to be with someone who priorities her friends male or female before her man?

Ask yourself all these questions?

I don't think its space your wife wants to be honest, I think its more.
So don't give her the cake as she will abuse of it and eat it all.

Be Wise and Good luck

Does your wife want a divorce, or is she just wanting to live apart while you finish school (meaning play while you are in school). If you are describing her actions accurately, she sounds very immature.
I know you love her, but back off, give her space and you do something to make you happy. I am not saying with another woman. Be thoughtful and caring but do not always be available for her or pushy. Often times we have to do without someone to see how important they are in our lives.
If things do not work out, look at what you truly want. You want someone that wants you to be as happy as you want her do be. You will be fine, remember that.

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Originally Posted by Cassie

Does your wife want a divorce, or is she just wanting to live apart while you finish school (meaning play while you are in school). If you are describing her actions accurately, she sounds very immature.
I know you love her, but back off, give her space and you do something to make you happy. I am not saying with another woman. Be thoughtful and caring but do not always be available for her or pushy. Often times we have to do without someone to see how important they are in our lives.
If things do not work out, look at what you truly want. You want someone that wants you to be as happy as you want her do be. You will be fine, remember that.

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The thing is if he does what you said I think she will wrap him round her little finger and could do watever she likes.
I think he needs to think wisely about this, about his present and future.

He is giving her space... she is doing whatever she likes regardless of his feelings.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Krs

The thing is if he does what you said i think she will wrap him round her little finger and could do watever she likes.
I think he needs to think wisely about this, about his present and future.

He is giving her space... she is doing whatever she likes regardless of his feelings.

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It sounds to me Like he is letting her do what she wants, that is different from giving her space. I was meaning he needs to back off, do something to make himself happy. Not be under her nose. Hopefully, she will look around, see he is not waiting behind her and go looking for him. If she doesn't care that he is not right there, then it is over. I think right now she has him wrapped around her little finger. Taking care of yourself is not being unwise.
She is playing games, he needs to get out of the sandbox and see if she is going to leave it also.

Hi, Stan,
I am so sorry to read this.
My first marriage ended in Divorce, after 7 yrs, with 2 small boys.
I thought my world had ended at that point. It was really rough. After 3 years, I remarried, now for 29 yrs to a wonderful woman.
I hate to say it, but your marriage is in deep trouble. If she wants all this space for herself, then that's a very, very bad sign.
Everyone needs some time to themselves, even my wife and I. But, since this is causing you such great concern, something is definitely wrong!
A good relationship has to have trust, love, caring, compromise, and above all, wanting the other to be happy. It doesn't sound like your wife wants you to be happy!
If she did, she would make arrangements of some kind for you to join her, not wanting to be doing so many things without you. Lying is a very bad sign also.
I would consider talking with a Lawyer; find out your options. Maybe a Separation Agreement (if legal in your State) would make her think about things. I do wish you the best, and good luck.

Times seem hard, times are hard.
Life seems easy, but is not.
Marriage seems lovely, yet can kill.
Being alone sounds dreadful, but can be freeing.
Things are not always as they seem. The meaning of all things is different to everyone, therfore no answer in this forum can be correct. The only truth is what has happened whether you know what has happened or not. Sit your wife down and explain everything and tell her to do the same. Put all your emotion out there for her and if she still is acting the same, leave her. Fore she is not worthy of a mans love.