I have a meeting with my lawyer and the father of my son tomorrow about custody issues. We decided maybe it would work if we had a meeting with her instead of going to court. She agreed and now we have our meeting. The past few days though he told me that he wants visitation where he wants it and I have no say in it. He wants it at his parents house but I don't trust my son there because they all hate me (family -sisters, brothers, parents, aunts, etc). He got mad about that so I figured his grandma's who I get along with. He said okay but my parents, sisters will see him. I don't feel safe with that because I don't have someone there who will protect my son. I would love for a social worker to be there to supervise him. He is so strongheaded that he doesn't want this either. Now he is saying that he will just give up all his rights if he doesn't have to pay child support. Is it possible for him to give them up and pay no support?

No way. In California you cannot give up your parental rights unless someone is waiting in the wings to adopt. It's not, "I give up my parental rights in exchange for money (not having to pay any)." There's a child here who has the right to have a parent! Come on. From what I've heard here, most other states have the same rule and it makes total sense (this appears to be the most-asked question on this board, by the way).

It sounds like you and the dad might benefit from child custody mediation with a mental health professional. Personally, I don't see how you are going to get away with putting restrictions on where the dad can spend time with his own son (if you don't like his parents or they [his family]all hate you most judges are going to say, "too bad, get over it.").

You mentioned protecting your son. Protect him from what? (Incidentally, I would advise that you refer to him as "our son" from now on in court and in all court documents).

To stop him from having visits you will have to prove he is a danger to the kids.

He can take them anywhere he wants when it is his time. If he takes them somewhere dangerous then you can take him back to court.

He will be given certain days, he comes gets the kids, is gone for the visits and brings the child back.

It sounds like you two just don't get along.

As stated, he is not going to be able to relinquish his rights. Usually this only happening to allow for adoption.

Unless you can prove his family is a danger to the child, his visitation time is just that... his. He can take the child where he pleases as long as there is no danger.

You said you "don't feel safe" with the child going to visist his relatives because you "don't have someone there who will protect my son"... well what about dad? Do you honestly think he would let something happen to his own child?

Again... sounds like you two just don't get along and you both are using visitation as a tool to try and control each other. You need to think about what is best for the child.

Yes, it would be nice to settle on visitation outside of court... but in this type of situation (you not agreeing) it rarely holds and you will end up in court anyway because one or both of you are no longer happy with the arrangement. So keep in mind, if you go to court and you can't produce evidence that the father's family is a danger to the child... the father will get visitation without stipulation.

What it sounds like is you are afraid that his family will poison your son's mind against you.

I don't think you really believe they will physically harm the child.

So the best you can do is show your child, as he grows, the type of person you really are. As he gets older, you can explain that his father's family bears you ill will and may try to poison his mind. Tell him this is unfortunate, but he just needs to ignore what he knows isn't true.