I'm 23 male and a virgin... and I'm just wondering what's wrong with me!

I like women, but I just have trouble getting up the nerve and talking about personal stuff. I'm a joker, and can make people laugh. Say I'm at a bar with some friends... I am pretty much scared to death to walk up to a girl, and start the conversation. I wasn't popular in high school, and college was short and I wasn't a big partier. Now I'm starting to feel "rushed" and I think that finding a woman is going to be hard.

How do women feel about male virgins? I mean, most girls are not, and I would think they're laughing on the inside about it all. I totally respect women, and it's kind of like the movie "40 year old virgin". "I respect women too much" lol. I'm not doing this for religious purposes either.

All comments are appreciated

Do you know how many girls would KILL for a guy like you? Seriously! You're not a player, you treat women with respect, and you're not a party animal! You've got a lot to offer, so don't settle for whoever comes along.

There's nothing wrong with YOU! There is more wrong with the guys that go and get sh*t faced, and sleeps with whatever looks good at 3am, and is half awake!

As for asking girls out? It sounds to me like you like to use your humour a lot to make people laugh. You don't have to walk up to a girl and give out personal info. That can wait till later when you get to know her! Just use your talent for getting people to laugh, work to your advantage!

Maybe ask some of your friends to invite their gf's and their friends out, and then get to know them. Ask the girls about themselves. Don't talk about you, unless they ask. Girls like when you are interested in things that they do, and what their interests are.

Also, don't feel insecure about your height. It shows if you are not sure about yourself. Even if you aren't feeling so confident, act like you are. You will attract more girls that way.

If any girl laughs about you being a virgin? Write her off, and go on to the next one. Don't let it bother you. I'm sure you'll find a great girl, who will be grateful to be with a respectful man who hasn't slept around.

Good Luck! :)

First of all my friend NOTHING is wrong with you :) OK so get that stupid thought out of your head!

Because that is not helping anyone..


I know you get it all the time.. if they love you.. they won't care.

And it is true.. they will be there for you every step of the way.

True as you get older more and more things get on top of your head.

Don't be worried don't have a low confidance level.. OK

As long as you honest with the right women. You will be fine :)

I'm not a women by the way..

But I can't really imagen anyone women.. any good Person that is. Would ever let something like that get in the way of anything.

I dated a virgin before for about 4 months. Him being a virgin didn't turn me off at all. Actually, I liked the fact that he was because at least I knew he was after sex. In the end we broke up but not due to him a virgin but for other differences. One thing I could say about him he that I did like his values, no sex before marriage, and he was 29 at the time. To this day we remain friends and now at 32 he is still a virgin but is engage and due to get married in 3 weeks. He tells me that he is nervous because his fiancée isn't a virgin but he will get over it. Being a virgin don't take away from your personally and when you do meet someone this won't matter and might be an relieve instead of a downfall.

All right, but I'm at the point were I kind of want to get "some experience" I want to have a good time, but I definitely want to know this person before we were to do anything! I don't see myself ever just hooking up with some random girl at the bar. I enjoy getting to know that other person.

But once I do get to know someone, how do I bring it up? I just can't say "oh yeah, I'm a virgin!" I don't want to bring it up too soon, and have them think that's all I'm looking for. You know?

Oh for sure! You definitely want to get to know the person well enough to trust them first. Once you think you've met someone that you think is worthy of getting "experience" with, tell them then that you respect women, and if she respects you then she will understand why you remained a virgin.

You can say that it is not that you vowed to wait until marriage, but you were waiting for a girl you felt comfortable with. Her reaction should probably tell you if you need to move any further with her, or if you should try and find someone more compatible and understanding.

I realise this is something that you probably feel you should be embarrassed about, but it really isn't. Just say something like, I really like you, and I feel like I can trust you, and there is something that you should probably know before we go any further. Just make sure it's someone you have gotten to know and trust.

I want to trust that person, and even just know a little bit about them though. I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm just looking for someone that I can trust, and that wants to have a good time with me!

I don't want to get into anything too serious. I just want to like the person, and get that 1st one under my belt (so to speak) ;)

That's fine. Just make sure you know a little about their character first. It's not something you just want to blurt out, but once you get to know the girl, you will probably get a sense of what her reaction might be. You don't have to just yell out while you're on the way to the bedroom... oh yeah... and did I mention I'm a virgin? That would maybe throw them for a bit of a loop! ;) Come up with a plan ahead of time, and you will feel less nervous. You don't want other things making you more nervous for your first time right?

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I like women, but I just have trouble getting up the nerve and talking about personal stuff.

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Practice makes perfect, all they can do is say no, and you go to someone else. Pretty soon you'll find someone who meets your liking.

She doesn't have to know you're a virgin, until it gets to that point of mutual trust, and respect.

You don't have a red "V" on your forehead do you??

The main thing is confidence, and not letting rejection stop you.

In today's society, it's a rarity to find someone who is even 18 that is still a virgin. Most people who are, are abstaining for religious reasons, and no matter their reason behind it, being a virgin is very admirable!
I'm 30, and I was a virgin until I was 18, when all my friends, and nearly everyone I knew that I went to school with I could darned near guarantee was NOT a virgin. I abstained until I found someone I was comfortable with. We didn't stay together a real long time, but I never regretted anything.
Congratulations on being a marvelous person for being a respectful individual that doesn't look at anything with breasts as your next sexual endeavor! That really is magnificent.
Don't let anyone tell you that it's wrong, or however they want to say it, for you being a virgin. It's your body, your heart, and your mind that have to endure whatever it is you choose to do. You being the person you are, will make whoever you choose to be with all the more appreciative.
Koodos to you!!

man thank you for asking :) , I don't feel that weird anymore :P

it's something that always feed my fears, what will a girl think of me? I've never had a relationship so how I'm supposed to make her happy? This is one of the main factors that make me afraid...

I'm not religious, I just feel that I need a great deal of intimacy and partnership , I need to trust and love someone , I need to care about her and know she cares about me at heart...
I definetivelly don't want to have sex with someone random just for the sake of it.

the problem is the general opinion about it makes you feel so weird that your start thinking you're feeling wrong, make you want to change...

Don't fear it. I didn't lose my virginity until later than you. It had nothing to do with not being able to, I just never thought sex was something you should do casually, and I still feel that way. While my ex is out doing whatever she feels the need to, I have refused to have sex with random women because it means more than that to me. You are a stand up, first class guy and a girl will be lucky to have you. Don't be worried about giving your 'v card' to someone as soon as you can. Make it someone you care about. Make it matter!

I truly do not think you have to worry, most men in their 30’s who slept with lots of women still don’t have a clue. Most women at a young age have sex with “boys” for all the wrong reasons it has nothing to have the big “O” for them! Girls do it to feel loved, or to show they care. Once they give it up, boys (not all but most) do not want it anymore and they get hurt! Use that to your advantage when meeting someone. You never used a girl; most women these days will respect that more then anything else.

You my darling have the upper hand here, you fall into your own category and there are not many men like you! Value that you are different, value that you are not like everyone out there doing it just to do it! That is something so special.

I think when you meet someone the truth does not need to come out right away wait see if there is a connection and if she is worthy of you and your virginity…if you need any pointers feel free to ask 

Don’t forget how unique you are…..

Yeah man, don't worry about it. Just be yourself and know that when the right girl comes along, she will not have a problem with it. I was still a virgin when I met my ex 4 years ago. I was 22. I told her this after we been dating a couple of months when things started to get hot and heavy and SHE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME!! :D


So... my point is, it will happen. I was just like you and waited for someone that I know I could trust and would stick with me for things other than sex. And we stayed together for a while and had a great time together... for the most part.

I'll tell you one thing, wait until you find someone you love (or at least think you love and trust) before you let go of this. It will make much more memorable and special.

I know I will remember her forever. It sucks now that we aren't together... but that's life I guess.:(

Good pointers! I just feel like I'm behind. I've never actually dated a girl. I've had a few friends who are girls, but nothing more than a quick lunch, or hanging out with groups of friends. The problem IS that I'm NOT an experienced guy when it comes to the opposite sex. I think I can be a really great friend to a girl, and I've done that a few times. But so far, they've all ended up where they have a boyfriend, or a kid, or both! I've gotten to be close friends with some of these people, and it seems like I'm always 2nd fiddle to them.

At least I know I can connect to someone, and be a good friend that cares. Maybe I should just lower my standard?

No, don't lower your standards. You will find some that meets your standards one day. See if any of these girl friends of yours can hook you up with one of their friends. Hook up being dating, not the other meaning.

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Originally Posted by qwerty108

Good pointers! I just feel like I'm behind. I've never actually dated a girl. I've had a few friends who are girls, but nothing more than a quick lunch, or hanging out with groups of friends. The problem IS that I'm NOT an experienced guy when it comes to the opposite sex. I think I can be a really great friend to a girl, and I've done that a few times. But so far, they've all ended up where they have a boyfriend, or a kid, or both! I've gotten to be close friends with some of these people, and it seems like I'm always 2nd fiddle to them.

At least I know I can connect to someone, and be a good friend that cares. Maybe I should just lower my standard?

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Honey, the best relationships in the world are friendship based. Do not lower your standards. It's obvious you have no probably meeting female friends, so you just have to take that one step further once you are comfortable with them. Don't wait long enough for them to get boyfriends. They might just be thinking that you like them for nothing else but a friend, and that is why they are hooking up with other guys. You might even want to try picking up a book and read a few things on how to be more comfortable making the first move. I've heard of a few good books, and actually just saw a show about the situation you're in not too long ago on Tyra. I wish I could remember the name of the book that they gave. Sorry dude, can't remember, but I'm sure there are tons. Can't hurt to look though right? ;)

I think its cool! REALLY! You obviously wouldn't be too pushy with a woman to have sex and you most likely are going to be genuinely interested in her. You should definitely not be ashamed of this! I want to say so much more but I will just go on and on forever and I am actually really tired...
But I don't think this will ever have a negative effect for you. And just relax around women... I can't talk too much I am terriefied to talk to guys or girls for that matter... but most people aren't that scary once you talk to them and it sounds like you have a lot to offer.

Here is the good thing about you. Most guys, and I know this because EVERY single one of my friends did it, only want to have sex when they are still a virgin. Think about this for a minute. From around the freshmen to senior years of high school, you only care about losing your virginity. You don't care about meeting that 'special someone' or getting to know a girl. You would rather go to a party, bang a chick (pardon my expression ladies) and that way you are just 'one of the guys.' Well, you have past that point. You are mature enough now to realize how important the connection is when you have sex with someone and you are also mature enough to value both of the individuals that engage in this sexual activity. In a way, you are ahead of the ball, not behind it. You have survived the 'get laid or be a loser' period of your life. Now, you are merely a first class individual that values pride, and emotional connection over getting your rocks off.

There should be more men like you :)