I am a female sex/love addict and I'm looking or groups or meetings for it. I found 12-step programs, but they won't work for me because I am atheist. Are there groups that don't require you to believe in a "higher power" to get over a sex addiction?

I think maybe most non-religious people who are sex addicts (and I know quite a few) don't have the guilt about it that a religious person would, so they allow themselves to continue to their addictions. I don't want to do this, but I don't know who to talk to without going to a psychiatrist (expensive and I've been to therapy before which did absolutely nothing).

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Originally Posted by eltrius7

I am a female sex/love addict and I'm looking or groups or meetings for it. I found 12-step programs, but they won't work for me because I am atheist. Are there groups that don't require you to believe in a "higher power" to get over a sex addiction?

I think maybe most non-religious people who are sex addicts (and I know quite a few) don't have the guilt about it that a religious person would, so they allow themselves to continue to their addictions. I don't want to do this, but I don't know who to talk to without going to a psychiatrist (expensive and I've been to therapy before which did absolutely nothing).

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Let me ask a dumb question... what do you mean by addict? What do you think your problem is exactly? You may NOT be an addict, that may simply be your perception.

Check it out:
The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction

Also this:
Kinsey Reports - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Sex Addiction

It wasn't my perception until I read the descriptions of a "sex/love addict" on some clinic sites. They creepily describe me. Plus, I'm constantly stressed out about guys and relationships and end up doing things that only hurt me (or sometimes hurt someone else). The difference between being an "addict" and just liking sex a lot is that you do it for reasons other than wanting to have sex - for power, to feel loved, to better fantasize about having a perfect relationship, to get some male attention that was missing - that's what I mean, getting that high from it.

Ferghus : 'er... that's not what I meant. I know what sex addiction is... I was asking her what she meant BY sex addiction... such as maybe she needs sex daily and thinks she MUST be a sex addict... well, that is not uncommon. That's all I was trying to say.

I was rating your answer, and I wasn't putting that post up for you I was putting it up for eltruis
I know what you were saying, I was giving her some information to read.

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Originally Posted by spyderglass

Ferghus : 'er... that's not what I meant. I know what sex addiction is... I was asking her what she meant BY sex addiction... such as maybe she needs sex daily and thinks she MUST be a sex addict... well, that is not uncommon. That's all I was trying to say.

I was rating your answer, and I wasn't putting that post up for you I was putting it up for eltruis
I know what you were saying, I was giving her some information to read.

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D'oh... OK, NM.

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Originally Posted by Ferghus

D'oh... ok, NM.

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Quote: starbuck8 disagrees: This is not the way we do things on this site. Read rules and regs please. "DUH" is not a constructive response! End Quote.

Exactly where did I say DUH? I said D'oh, as in "My mistake". And for that you left me a bad mark... sheesh... some people.

You know, atheist's attend 12-step groups all the time. Did you know that your Higher Power can be anything you want it to be? Some people think of GOD, as Good Orderly Direction; others had a Higher Power as the memory of their deceased Grandmother. More even thought of the 12-step program as their Higher Power.

Step 2 says: Came to believe that a Higher Power could restore me to sanity.

A 12-step program can certainly restore you to sanity. Believe when I say that very few enter a 12-step program with any sort of faith at all, most don't believe in any sort of God.

It is not a religious program.

Here is what I suggest; if you have a 12-step program near you that deals with sex-addiction attend it for 6 weeks (1 per week or more) and just listen. In that time I'll bet you will find someone JUST LIKE YOU, and an atheist too.

If you don't find what you are looking for in 6 weeks, I will refund your misery... ;)

Seriously, 12-step programs are a great start to recovery. Some people use them exclusively or in combination with other things.

The thing is, you will find people dealing with exactly the same issues and may even know of enhanced outside services that can help you.

If you want help, go where people are already getting it, go to your local 12-step meeting.

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You can justify yourself in not going to a meeting and you can think you know all you need to know about them, but I can assure you unless you attend
Them you will continue your own prejudices which hinder your ability to help yourself. There is nothing like action, get out of your head and attend some
Meetings. What are you afraid of; that it might work? Go to the meeting, sit down and LISTEN only. No one will force you to talk, ever.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by eltrius7

I am a female sex/love addict and I'm looking or groups or meetings for it. I found 12-step programs, but they won't work for me because I am atheist. Are there groups that don't require you to believe in a "higher power" to get over a sex addiction?

I think maybe most non-religious people who are sex addicts (and I know quite a few) don't have the guilt about it that a religious person would, so they allow themselves to continue to their addictions. I don't want to do this, but I don't know who to talk to without going to a psychiatrist (expensive and I've been to therapy before which did absolutely nothing).

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You only get from therapy what you put into it.

Willingness and openness are a must in therapy,plus the fact that you probably won't hear what you want to hear.

What did the therapist(s) in your past tell you about this addiction?And what was your reaction?

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Originally Posted by Ferghus

Quote: starbuck8 disagrees: This is not the way we do things on this site. Read rules and regs please. "DUH" is not a constructive response! End Quote.

Exactly where did I say DUH? I said D'oh, as in "My mistake". And for that you left me a bad mark... sheesh... some people.

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Some clarity in the answers rather than shorthand or chat talk would prove helpful.

There are other forms of addiction therapy, in addition to, or instead of the traditional 12 step programs.

The key for you will be finding the right fit. Maybe start with a visit to your Doctor if you haven't already, and ask him/her for a referral to a mental health clinic that specializes in cognitive behavioural therapies. There are programs out there that can help without having to have a long commitment.

I believe that any addiction can be overcome when a decision is made to change. Thinking about changing doesn't quite cut it. You not only have to be motivated to stop the addiction and the addiction behaviours, but you have to figure out why it existed in the first place. It is a learning process to change thinking and behaviour.

And it is a lot of work. But you are capable, and you are motivated. My own opinion is that each of us has the power to change, under our own steam, with guidance. We need to learn the tools to safely accomplish eliminating an addiction, but there has to be a flip side on learning how to live without the addiction. Addressing only one part isn't enough.

In the meanwhile, you can try some things. One is a diary. When you feel yourself falling back into familiar patters write it out. The time, date, circumstances, any factors that have been contributing to a pattern. This may not be apparent at first, but you will see patterns. Keep notes every day, even for 10 minutes, write out the day- the stresses, disappointments, moods, conflicts, etc. After time passes this may help to identify some triggers.

You can take control, and you can overcome this. Don't give up.

Twelve Step Programs don't *require* that you believe in God... just that you have a *higher power*... a power higher than yourself so you don't think you are God!

Get back to a 12 Step Program for sexual addiction and start participating. You will learn a lot over time. :)

Best wishes,

If you are strong and have self confidence than you can do it all on your own you don't need anyone or a group to help you. I had a pretty bad past and I dealt with it all on my own. If I can and my friends can I have faith in you just be strong and hold your head up high.