I guess I have always thought of her. We'll call her "J" and I knew her for about two years as a kid. I left at age 11 when my stepfather went to the active army. When I left J was absolutley beside herself and I was totally heart broken. I never spoke to J again.
I lived my life and went through the adventures of youth, but the whole time J was in my mind.
I have been in love before as a man. I have married, fought in a war and have had children. I have lived a life that has given me a plain logical view of the world. I don't obsess over things I can't change or aren't relevant to the now. However I still love J with all my heart.
I feel guilty because these feeling are a betrayal to myself and all I am . The other young women I loved are not an issue for me. I don't obsess because I knew it would never had worked with them, but J is and has always been on my mind.
I recently contacted J's brother. I tried to contact him through her. J's brother was a good friend and when I told her via E-mail that I was looking for her brother she stopped responding to me. I eventually met with J's brother. I didn't even mention J, but three times he brought her up. I am now confused and scared that I might have caused trouble.
Apparently after I left and J went to Junior High she became very dark and gothic. Then when J grew up she became a hippy tree hugger for some ither guy, but when she was about to call off the relationship she got pregnant and tried to stick it out. J has now left the hippy guy and lives back home with her mom and dad. My marriage is on shakey ground and I am now in regualr contact with J's brother.

I guess I want to know what anyone else thinks.

I think your contact with her brother, and your shaky marriage, has you looking for something to feel good about.

Forget the girl, and do something about the marriage, one way or another, before your distracted with flights of fancy from the past.

That would be the prudent thing to do.