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-   -   To forgive or not! (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=278568)

  • Nov 8, 2008, 02:50 PM
    bnsmith
    To forgive or not!
    I met the man of my dreams Aug. 24 2007 we have lived together since oct. of that year he has 3 kids, I have 3 kids who all live with us! It has been a perfact fairy tale since day one. I recently found pictures of another woman's **** on his cell and also text talking about meeting after work for a Quick encounter! I also found text that he had sent his ex wife requesting pics of her breast. When confronted he said nothing happened and he had been talking to the other woman an old friend for about a month and had several times cancelled their rondavues. And even if it would have happened it would have been just sex , he claims he loves me more than he has ever loved anyone. He can't imagine life without me!The request to his wife was just to see if she would! He is a very flirty man wich didn't bother me he is a very sought after man as well. I truly love him heart and soul I love his children as well. He tells everyone Im the best thing he has ever found and he loves me. He tells everyone that we will be together forever and seems very honest about this. The funny thing is when he's home and I'm in his arms it doesn't matter if he cheated or not all that matters is I love this man. As soon as he's gone the pain kicks in I cry and am sick to my stomach wondering what he's doing and who he's talking to if I should stay or go, am I being stupid will he do this again. Did he cheat didn't he, has their been others , this is consuming my life my every thought. What do I do any advice would be great
  • Nov 8, 2008, 03:12 PM
    starbuck8

    This is probably not going to be what you want to hear, but I don't tell people what they want to hear, but what they need to hear. I'm sorry, and I know it hurts. I've been there.

    I can say with all sincerity and certainty, that I believe he is not telling you the truth. If he says he loves you with all of his heart, he would not be doing something so disrespectful and dishonest to you. When you truly love someone, this is not the way you show that love. Just the fact that he planned a rendezvous is a big red flag. I myself don't believe he hasn't been seeing this woman. And what kind of game is he playing with his ex wife? His excuse just sounds lame! I would venture a guess that he's got more women on the line too. All of the classic symptoms are there I'm sorry to say.

    I think maybe he is using you as someone to take care of his children and his house. I need to say that within 2 months of meeting this guy, that it was a very bad choice to bring your kids into this situation. That was not a good move with someone that you barely knew. Now there are six young lives that are affected by this.

    I think you are delusional in thinking that if only his arms are around you, that it will make things better. It won't. It never will. He has his cake and he is eating it too. Your are his cake, the others are the icing.

    What do you mean that as long as he has his arms around you, that you don't care if he cheats. You need to work on yourself esteem, and self worth. If you are going to say that you will put up with that for a few hr of his arms around you, I can only imagine a few months or years from now where he won't even be doing that anymore.

    You need to end this now, before you and your precious children get any more attached than you already are. You are setting the bar pretty low here, and he knows it, and will take absolute advantage of that.

    I wish you the best!
  • Nov 8, 2008, 03:24 PM
    bnsmith
    Just so everyone understands how serious I thought we were this man has filed papers to adopt my 3 children he has paid several thousand dollars to fight attories and my ex husband in courts with criminal, civial, and custody issues. I do believe he loves me and my children.Why else would he put his self into debt for us. Why is this life so hard and complicated. My children have never had a father now they do! What do I do
  • Nov 8, 2008, 03:31 PM
    starbuck8

    He may care for you, but all of the money in the world won't stop his other behaviour. Like I said, you have set the bar here, and now he knows that you will put up with it, which gives him a green light.

    If you are willing to be one of many, then by all means, stay with him. If you are want to keep your dignity and self respect, then leave.

    It all depends on how much you are willing to give up of your life and your children's, for an unfaithful man.

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