We have been together 6yrs... in the beginning, the sex was great and often... he told me, he was divorced---that he had always been highly sexed and his exwife never wanted it enough---he got married to her at 27 and their marriage lasted 4 yrs... we had sex ALL the time----I was satisfied and thrilled...

We had a son who is now 5... sex was still great during the pregnancy and up until our son was about 3... then it started to taper off and be devoid of passion...

Even though this guy would NEVER admit this to me... I just think he is not attracted to me anymore... we NEVER have sex... it sucks... he never even looks at me in a sexual manner...

We live together and we have for 6 yrs... he now sleeps in another room...

I have asked him if he is cheating... he completely denies this...

I just wonder if it's his attraction to me...

I definitely am not as thin as I once was,,

I lost all of the baby weight fast and the sex was good even when I was pregnant..

But, lately, I am probably 20 lbs heavier than before...

I am just wondering---from a guy's perspective---or from a girl if you have gone through this----what in the world is the reason he has lost all attraction---sexual and otherwise towards me??

Is there anything I can do or should I just look for another lover/ we are not married--but, I am too young and sexually frustrated to be in a sexless relationship

Please, please advise...

Unfortunately, it is possible he has lost attraction towards you.

Talk to him, SERIOUSLY. Something is wrong... if this continue's... why be with him?

Dear in a true relationship, the man will love you and think ou are sexy if you have false teeth
(no teeth) gain 100 lbs and perhaps get disabled in a wreck.
That is love.

If the relationship was just sex based that gets old after time as couples get into a rut.

Since he moved to another room, I would say he has the or a problem.

There is something else going on in this relationship and the sex is but a symptom.

You need to find out. What are his reasons for moving from your bedroom, as that's a very drastic step to take, and more like anger than a lost sex drive.

Look beyond the lack of sex, and see what other things are going on, he may not be happy about.

Well, we stopped having sex--I should say our sexual frequency dropped to at most once a mth, long before he moved out of the bedroom...

His reasons for moving to the couch are twofold

He says his snoring bothers me--which it does, but not enough to sleep alone
And he doesn't like the TV on while he sleeps---which we have always kept on at a low volume for six yrs... so, his excuses are just that----excuses...

I just want to know if me being 120lbs---when I used to weigh 105 is the reason, and if so,, if I can lose it will he be attracted again??

Once a man loses his attraction to a woman is he ever able to regain his sexual attraction back?? Please answer this honestly, because I think the answer is no... and some guys lie and say yes because they don't want to look shallow

Oh come off that. Looking for excuses that blame you, are not wise, and stop you from seeing the real problem, because your looking in the wrong place.

Trust me, its his lack of communicating with you that's at the heart of the matter and whatever it is, may take some drastic measure to get him to open up.

Instead of looking at yourself, look at what has changed, or any other big event that may have occurred (arguments, disagreements, work stress, home stress, etc.).

That's where your answers lie. Sex or no sex, you need to let him know that sleeping separately bothers you.

It happens. Humans get bored sometimes. Having sex with the same person year after year is kind of like eating prime rib for dinner every night... eventually some of us will get tired of it and want something different.

What usually happens for those who still like each other, is less sex... it might drop to once or twice a month... but NO sex? Highly unlikely. We men have a much stronger drive than the average woman, so unless your guy has E.D, he is getting it somewhere. Maybe he's Bi, maybe he's a Zoo, maybe he is paying for it... but he's NOT going without.

I suggest a marriage counselor. If he refuses, then it's time to take matters into your own hands and start dating.

I agree with others---there's something else going on BESIDES the sex here.

The fact that you're willing to blame 15 measly pounds for the whole thing says a LOT to me about how dependent you are on this guy for yourself esteem.

I know it's hard, and it sucks--but you need to let him know that the options at this point are that he talks to you, you BOTH go talk to a marriage counselor, or since he's moved out of the bedroom, he may as well move out of the house and out of the relationship so that you can find someone that's willing to satisfy you intimately (and please note---intimacy and sex are tied together, but are NOT the same thing).

There are several issues that could be the problem here--but NONE of them have to do with you gaining 15 pounds over 6 years.

Healthy men always have a sex life, girl.

Often, women get all wrapped up in a baby or in how they feel, and forget that a person has to be interesting, be a doer, in order to stimulate a partner! Men get tired of women who are "depressed" or who are nagers, complainers and blamers. I DON'T KNOW IF THIS APPLIES TO YOU.

It is easy for a woman to blame a few pounds for a failing relstionship instead of seeing herself as she really is.

It is a big problem that you aren't married... you have a child.

Time to get the TV out of the bedroom, tonight. Time to save your relationship. He is still living with you.

Best wishes going forward, :)

Thanks everyone for your responses... he's very happy sleeping in another room... I have tried to get him to sleep in the same room with me again... I try talking to him, but he brushes me off... he doesn't even want to talk about what we should buy for the week for our groceries...

I guess it's just the end of this relationship... I wish it was something else...

He will not go to counseling... he would never admit we have a problem...

It's easier for him to ignore me than talk to me...

It's not the nagging... I usually leave him alone... try to be upbeat and talk to him a few times a day,. he acts like I am really bothering him when I talk to him about anything

I travel for a living... so I am go a few days a week... it's not like I am in his hair...

He does sleep in the bedroom when I travel... my five yr old tells me

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wectmall

thanks everyone for your responses....he's very happy sleeping in another room...I have tried to get him to sleep in the same room with me again....I try talking to him, but he brushes me off.....he doesn't even want to talk about what we should buy for the week for our groceries.....

I guess it's just the end of this relationship....I wish it was something else...

He will not go to counseling....he would never admit we have a problem....

it's easier for him to ignore me than talk to me...

It's not the nagging... I usually leave him alone...try to be upbeat and talk to him a few times a day,.....he acts like I am really bothering him when I talk to him about anything

I travel for a living...so I am go a few days a wk......it's not like I am in his hair...

He does sleep in the bedroom when i travel... my five yr old tells me

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Well, I guess you have gotten your question answered. Find a place to live and move out on him. He for whatever reasons has closed the door on your relationship. Too bad you did not see this before you had children together.

Raise the rent. If he wants his own room let him pay for it.

Yea... it's my house, and he doesn't work... kinda tough... he watches our son who is 5 when I travel... I think he just likes living rent and bill free... he pays for nothing...

Honey, it's time to move on. Take the kid, get a better guy. Dump this guy, maybe something really serious is bothering him, but some people have a hard time saying it... he'll blow up one day if so lol... idk

Time is precious, use it wisely.

Try putting something sexy on. Lol. There's nothing a guy loves better than a girl in sexy lingerie. I've done it because I thought my boyfriend was getting tired of me and our sex life has sky rocketed. If it doesn't work then yeah it's time to ditch him and find yourself someone new.

My husband went through this with his parents... mom lived upstairs and dad lived downstairs. You would not believe the amount of trauma this indirectly placed on my husband because it went on for 2 years before they finally separated and divorced. This is not good for your son and this is not a healthy relationship for anyone... its toxic actually. You can try to talk to him and get help but I think you need to cut the umbilical cord and move on with your son. You don't need a slob living off you... put the money into your son's future or buy a new car why are you supporting him? He obviously doesn't do anything for you and if there are no mutual benefits in the relationship then stop giving yourself up and into it. Is he home a lot? Are you sure he isn't seeing anyone else? Sounds fishy to me. Best of luck.

He is home all of the time! Of course he's home a lot, and I travel four days a week... it's like he has hatred for me for no reason!

My friends think he is seeing someone----who knows? He let himself go... I wear sexy things as a rule... he definitely does not find me sexy...

The poster who said her b/fs parents lived this way for two yrs pretty much put it into perspective for me... I was waiting to read that everything was made better by_________fill in the blank... but they split...

Wish I was getting something, at least something little for him living in my house rent and bill free... initially we had sex and did things together and he took care of our son while I travelled... now, he just takes care of our son while I travel...

Oh well, guess if I could get a livein nanny who would live here and watch my son in exchange for room and board, I can get rid of him... but until then, there is no possible way I can afford a livein nanny...

Sex is easy to find :) if he isn't giving it to you then find someone who will... you travel a lot and your sexy why don't you meet someone even if its casual? If you do split up, what, he won't continue to watch his own son? You can't have him for 3 days a week? Is he unable to be employed full time because of your career? Traveling jobs do strain marriages... well not in all cases but some, my husband said when we where just dating that if I ever became an overseas flight attendant (which I was contemplating at the time) he would break up with me because he can't stand long distance relationships... so obviously I didn't. Others though... function extremely well and require personal space. He does have the time to see someone but maybe its not that... maybe its medical? Maybe he is depressed? Maybe he just gave up on the relationship because he was exhausted? Sex isn't everything... and it won't fix anything... sometimes it confuses things. When was the last time you guys had a heart to heart conversation? Date? Have you invited him out with you and your son? Christmas is around the corner how about driving around looking at lights or something like that? Do you still love him? Sorry don't mean to be a pest and ask so many questions but I am getting concerned about him my boyfriend's dad was depressed and his mom had mental problems from pills... they also did not have attraction to each other. Now that they are divorced though you can see that there was a lost connection but they will never get back together again. What about getting professional help?

So since he is a live in nanny, tell him your getting a boyfriend, and stay out of your bedroom, when your gone.

Thanks, guys for your input! I actually am a flight attendant! Sure, I could find someone... that really wasn't the route I wanted to take, but considering my life has been sexless for sooooo long, I guess I can't go too much longer... no matter how hard I try to be nice to him and engage him to try to talk or do things with me, he just blows me off... end of story... it's sad

I would say the love ended when he ignored me for the past six months... the indifference became worse and worse on his end... I tried everything...

Now I have pretty much thrown in the towel... he just wants me to be gone as much as possible... when I am home he asks when I am going out---he would rather be home alone...

I hope myself esteem isn't too damaged to find someone else... I feel very bad about myself...