First of all, thanks to everybody who has helped me with my problems in the past. This site has become a part of my life, and I thank you all for helping me. Some of my problems, their back! The drama is on the horizon!

So, my girlfriend and I broke up about 3 months ago. It was after a 4 month on/off "series" of relationships. We broke up (for the third [and last] time) and basically stopped talking to each other. She and another guy began going out about a month after we broke up. I expected this, as she dates a lot of guys. You know, its high school. So anyway, they have dated for a couple months. I've seen them around school, and they always seemed happy with each other.

I began talking to her again a couple weeks ago. Since the first real conversation she has been talking to me more and more. The first conversation kind of "broke the ice" from our last break up. So whenever she talks to me, she brings up her boyfriend. She talks about how she can never have a conversation with him; he is always high (I guess a bit of a druggie); and he is clingy. She only talks to me about how bad of a boyfriend he is. On top of that, she flirts with me all the time. We have one class with each other. My friends laugh at me because she will stare at me in class. I am fairly sure that she has fallen for me yet again.

What I need your help/opinion on is that I think I may be falling for her again, too. Our little talks lately have sparked some emotions in me! I've thought about this, and approached it as if I was giving advice to someone else.

My thoughts on the situation:
I think I shouldn't pursue anything until she dumps this boyfriend she has now. It isn't fair to him for me to just move in now. I don't want to have a part in their break up. In the mean time, we'll just be friends. If we do get back together, and the relationship does turn out to be another on/off thing, I am not too concerned. I am only in high school, so I am not worried about having a stable relationship, although I would like one. I'm keeping my options open, but I have no other “love interests” so I've got nothing to lose.

What are your opinions on my little plan here? And any help or other ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Another big question I have is: How do I respond to her statements that her boyfriend is a low-life druggie? I agree, but I don't want to come across as the typical bitter ex-boyfriend. And I definitely don't want to encourage a break up between them. What do you think about this?

Doesn't this remind you your high school love lives? Teenage drama can be so confusing… The good ol' days, eh!

Thanks for reading, and for your responses.

P.s, my sarcasm and jokes are my way of adding comic relief. It helps me stay happy and sane with all the drama :). Hope you don't mind!
Thanks again!

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Originally Posted by jrsg

Another big question I have is: How do I respond to her statements that her boyfriend is a low-life druggie? I agree, but I don't want to come across as the typical bitter ex-boyfriend. And I definatly don't want to encourage a break up between them. What do you think about this?

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This wasn't how high school was back when I was young and dinosaurs ruled the earth, so I can't begin to imagine what you are going through!

How should you respond? Offer no opinions, no solutions. Just be a good listener, full of empathy and grace. If she wants feedback, ask her what are the various things she thinks she could and/or should do, since she knows him better than you do. Be devil's advocate. Make her think. Be her BBF.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

This wasn't how high school was back when I was young and dinosaurs ruled the earth, so I can't begin to imagine what you are going through!

How should you respond? Offer no opinions, no solutions. Just be a good listener, full of empathy and grace. If she wants feedback, ask her what are the various things she thinks she could and/or should do, since she knows him better than you do. Be devil's advocate. Make her think. Be her BBF.

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Lol... the drama isn't soooo bad.

That's a good idea. I always think there is more I can do, though. I guess listening is as much as I can do.

Its always in the back of my head that she wants me to agree with her. She presents it in such a way where I think she is trying to say, "I will be single, soon." It is almost like she is setting the stage for another relationship between us.

The way we met was actually similar to this. She complained about her boyfriend (the one before me), and I just listened. We got to know each other, and liked each other. Before too long, we were dating.

The two situations are almost identical. Just this time, it will be easier to get a relationship started because we already know each other. I think that it may be happening all over again! If that is the case, then you're right, and listening is all I should do.

Thanks for the response!

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Originally Posted by jrsg

That's a good idea. I always think there is more I can do, though. I guess listening is as much as I can do.

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If you "do more" and criticize him or agree with her or tell her what to do, I guarantee your words will come back to bite you.

Be a class act. Be a good and empathetic listener, an active listener.* Knock her socks off regarding your ethical stance.

*ADDED: "It really drives you nuts when he..........." or "I'm getting the feeling you believe..............."

She wants to feel needed. Girls like to flirt, and enjoy the attention they get from it. If she can get away with it -- she'll keep doing it. Yeah she'd probably go for you again, but it would'nt be anything long term. Don't waste your time.

Yeah, that is true.
Thanks for the advice and suggestions!

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Originally Posted by jrsg

Yeah, that is true.
Thanks for the advice and suggestions!

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Best of luck with her!

(I grew up across the lake from Toronto. When you think of it, wave to my mom and brothers who still live NW of Rochester. They'll be standing on a dark green car, waving back.)

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Best of luck with her!

(I grew up across the lake from Toronto. When you think of it, wave to my mom and brothers who still live NW of Rochester. They'll be standing on a dark green car, waving back.)

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Thanks!
Lol, I'm waving right now!

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Originally Posted by ikryspy

She wants to feel needed. Girls like to flirt, and enjoy the attention they get from it. If she can get away with it -- she'll keep doing it. Yeah she'd probably go for you again, but it would'nt be anything long term. Don't waste your time.

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She definitely does love the attention... But I've got no problem giving some to her. She is a really good, nice person. And, I do like her. She is a really selfless, and generous, and is a person I like to be around. I realize nothing long term will probably come of this, but I am not looking for that at the moment anyway. I would like to be a little more optimistic than that.

Thanks for taking the time to respond :).

Well just tell her how you feel cuause that's all she wants to hear is whatt you think!

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Originally Posted by tomboy21

well just tell her how you feel cuause thats all she wants to hear is whatt you think!

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Believe me... I would. But the fact that she has a boyfriend right now prevents me from doing so. It really isn't fair to the current boyfriend for me to do something like that. If she wants to break up with him, that is great for me. If not, too bad. I just want her to make that decision by herself. If/When she breaks up with him (which I think will be soon, the way she talks about him and their relationsihp), I might voice my thoughts. But, I've never been good with that kind of thing... I will see when the time comes.

Plus, in the chance that she only wants a friendship, me saying something like that could hurt the possibility of a friendship, and make things awkward between us once again.

Thanks for the ideas!

Thanks to all of you who have helped me out this far. Please, stick with me! You have helped a lot (especially you, Wondergirl :)) and I think this will all be over soon.



Yeap... Well, I just found out that she broke up with her boyfriend.

I'll see her on Tuesday at school (I get Monday off :D), so we will see how it goes, and what (if anything) happens.

I have another question though... Do I tell her how I feel right away? Or do I tell her at all? I feel like I should say, but wait for a bit. I want to let things settle with her, and give her time to think.

What I think is I should see what happens, and then decide. If she still seems to like me next week, I think I will say something. If she doesn't, I think I will just forget about all this once again. What do you think about that? And this whole situation?

Thanks again for all the help up to now, and I am excited to hear you advice!

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Another big question I have is: How do I respond to her statements that her boyfriend is a low-life druggie? I agree, but I don't want to come across as the typical bitter ex-boyfriend. And I definitely don't want to encourage a break up between them. What do you think about this?

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Okay I'm in high school too, grade.12 and have been dating my boyfriend for two years. I know about being in a serious relationship in high school. We have never gotten in a fight or broken up, so I cannot understand you there.

Let me tell you one thing though, girls in high school are immature and love drama. As much as you may love your ex-girlfriend, she is definitely playing games with you. Honestly, she has broken up with you for a mere 3 months, started dating someone else, and now wants you back. That's ridiculous! No offense but you are making yourself look kind of foolish to be played around like that. She's doing whatever she wants, dating whoever, and trying to mess around with two guys at once. And you just fall into it.

I am a girl I know. She is doing it to make herself feel better about herself. And it makes you look like the underdog. She can stomp all over you and date anyone, and her ex will always come back to her. Why?? I understand its high school and all of us are still young, but we are still smart. You may not need a "stable" relationship, but Im sure if you had one you'd be a lot happier. There is one thing to have a rocky relationship, and then there's having someone take total advantage of you.

Im sorry I sound totally negative, but I know what girls are like! You seem like a very nice guy and she is playing you. Think about it seriously, you've broken up how many times? What's going to change in the future? Nothing it will be the same crap different day.

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Originally Posted by white-rose

Okay I'm in highschool too, grade.12 and have been dating my boyfriend for two years. I know about being in a serious relationship in highschool. We have never gotten in a fight or broken up, so I cannot understand you there.

Let me tell you one thing though, girls in highschool are immature and love drama. As much as you may love your ex-girlfriend, she is definitely playing games with you. Honestly, she has broken up with you for a mere 3 months, started dating someone else, and now wants you back. Thats ridiculous! No offense but you are making yourself look kind of foolish to be played around like that. Shes doing whatever she wants, dating whoever, and trying to mess around with two guys at once. And you just fall into it.

I am a girl I know. She is doing it to make herself feel better about herself. And it makes you look like the underdog. She can stomp all over you and date anyone, and her ex will always come back to her. Why??? I understand its highschool and all of us are still young, but we are still smart. You may not need a "stable" relationship, but Im sure if you had one you'd be alot happier. There is one thing to have a rocky relationship, and then there's having someone take total advantage of you.

Im sorry I sound totally negative, but I know what girls are like! You seem like a very nice guy and she is playing you. Think about it seriously, you've broken up how many times? Whats going to change in the future? Nothing it will be the same crap different day.

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Sorry to reply so late, but I've really been thinking about this... You make really good points. I hate to face it, but what you say may be reality. She has a tonne of drama in here life. She could get rid of it, just by not talking to a couple of people, and not doing a few things. It really would be fairly simple for her to eliminate most of the drama she deals with. She lets drama come into her life, and then complains about it.

Thanks for giving it to me straight.

Quick Update:

I didn't ask her out. However, I do still want her back.

The thing is, she is dating my friend. I encouraged them to get back together. I spoke fondly of him to her, and really promoted him. I knew she liked him, she just wanted me to confirm to her that he was a good guy, so I did (it is the truth). I figured it was the best way (morally) to go.

Over the past month, I have thought about it. Although I like her, I know it is more than possible to live without her. I would prefer to be with her, but without is fine too. My confidence has gone up too. I know that if I did get back together with her, and it didn't turn out the way I expect it to, I could leave. No problem. I am in a really healthy state of mind right now. I am optimistic, but realistically optimistic.

I figure I will just wait for her and my friend to break up (I don't expect it will last too long) and then I may begin to see her again. Until then, 'just friends' will do.

Bottom line, I am still happy, and this is a minor "side" to my life now.
Thanks for all the help you've provided in the past.
If you have any opinions or advice on my latest update, please, feel free. I would like to know.

You may think I am crazy, still wanting her. But, she really is just an "option" in my life. I know that.

Thanks again

How does she act around u?

She kind of flirty, but not as much as she used to be. She cheated on a boyfriend a couple years back, and feels really guilty about it. So, she tries really hard not to flirt with anybody, but it still shows.

Whenever her current boyfriend lies to her (its happened a couple times) she comes to me. She tells me how thankful she is towards me for never telling her a lie. Then she usually says something along the lines of, "you were the nicest guy I've dated this year."

Although we are both fairly busy in our own lives, we strive to spend time together. She tries to see me as much as possible, and I try to see her when ever possible. She asks to study with me, asks to see me after school, to see her at lunch, etc etc.

I've thought about whether it is all just wishful thinking, but I think she still likes me. I know I still like her. I just don't want to interfere in her current relationship. If she does ever break things off with him, I will, but not until then.

Thanks for taking an interest my issue :).

Its good to hear that you are optimistic
I hope it works out
Roxy ( the 11 year old)