Here's my scenario. I have been with a woman at work for 3+ years, and when we met, it was love at first sight for both of us. We worked together, became friends, started dating, and then the trouble started. She wasn't divorced yet, and the pressure from the divorce caused her to start getting clingy. We started arguing constantly, and it got to be too much, so we split up. But, we remained friends through it all. Since we were not "officially" dating, we still hung out and talked all of the time like before, while some of the craziness wore off. Then we got pregnant, unplanned, and got back together. It was great for awhile, we got engaged, but unfortunately, we lost the baby. The stress of losing a child was a lot to handle for both of us, but when she started physically hitting me, I turned her in and she HAD to go to counseling. It stopped the hitting, and I know it was from losing that child. We were good for awhile, then she called off the divorce, and I stopped "dating" her. We were still the best of friends and helped each other out, talked all of the time, and gave the relationship another shot. Then we got pregnant again. For the second time, we got engaged and we miscarried. The aftermath was horrible for both of us, and we were there for each other, but we also had our own trauma to go through. The arguing started up again. It was coming from both of us. This time it was too much to deal with, and we split up again. We stayed apart from dating for about 1 year, although she wanted to get back together. I was still unsure of getting back with her. We both dated a little bit, but we still stayed close and were okay with how we were. We were still really good friends, and still talked everyday. As I was coming around to give it one final try, she found someone else, and started dating them. I told her what was happening with me and how I felt, but she said I had bad timing and was about a week too late. She lost that feeling she had, wants to just stay friends, and date this other guy. I am hurt, although I shouldn't really be. I love her and always have, and want to make a great life for each of us. We STILL talk everyday, and hang out, but are not romantically involved. She is mad because I didn't say anything earlier to her, and the previous arguing has now become her calling card. She has nothing left for me, and wants to date this guy and see where it goes. But, she wants to talk, and stay good friends, and get together a couple of times a week.

So, I am asking you, do I pick up my tents and do my own thing, or is there still a shot for us? I'm a little confused about what to do, but I can see myself either marrying her if she got that feeling back, or just having some great memories from a woman I have loved for a long time. I would appreciate your comments on what I am not seeing. Thanks.

First off, I'm sorry about the two miscarriges.

The way I see it, is that she was trying to go through a rocky divorce. She met you, and you likely jumped into a relationship much too soon. You were her rebound, but it got more serious.

Then the bad things started to happen. The arguments, the physical confrontations, the miscarriages, and so on. Although you made up time and time again, she started to see you as a negative thing in her life that brought back hurt and pain, and although she still valued your friendship, getting back into a relationship with you, would only bring back memories of hurt and pain.

She also sounds like she is a little impulsive with the way she deals with things. She also sounds like she has some personal issues that still really haven't been dealt with, and some anger management problems.

This new guy is just another way to escape what she doesn't want to face. She isn't giving herself enough time to access her feelings or her future. In fact it is unlikely that guy #3 will be in the picture for very long either, unless and until she solves her own issues.

Don't wait around hoping and wishing she will come back to you. Get on with your own life, and if at some point down the road you are both ready to be honest with yourselves and each other, then maybe you will work something out. Until then, get on with it. If it's meant to happen it will.

Good luck!

Thank you for your answer. That has been my thoughts for a little while, but I had to make sure I wasn't crazy. I am grateful.

Not crazy! You just showed up in the wrong order of things I think. The best you can do for yourself is to move on, and if things take a turn at some point, take things a little slower next time. Moving on could prove to be the best move you've ever made. :)

I have actually told her this same thing, but only to be told that I had no clue what I was talking about. It's hard though, especially regarding the fact that we had a couple of miscarriages, and we do happen to be pretty good friends. I know it is the right thing to do to move on, and I would end up finding out the real truth about things if I did. I hate this routine we are in, so I think my only option left, no matter how horrible I feel inside, is to move on. Thank you.

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Originally Posted by bmac15

I have actually told her this same thing, but only to be told that I had no clue what I was talking about. It's hard though, especially regarding the fact that we had a couple of miscarriages, and we do happen to be pretty good friends. I know it is the right thing to do to move on, and I would end up finding out the real truth about things if I did. I hate this routine we are in, so I think my only option left, no matter how horrible I feel inside, is to move on. Thank you.

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You're very welcome, and I'm no stranger to that kind of hurt, but I think you get it that it is best for the both of you. I wish you good luck. Stick around the site. There are many guys here that have gone through similar situations, and they will help you get through the rough spots. This is a helluva site when you need support! :)

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Originally Posted by starbuck8

You're very welcome, and I'm no stranger to that kind of hurt, but I think you get it that it is best for the both of you. I wish you good luck. Stick around the site. There are many guys here that have gone through similar situations, and they will help you get through the rough spots. This is a helluva site when you need support! :)

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I'm finding out that this is a very supportive and productive site, especially when you are seeing that a lot of people are in the same situation as I may be going through. Understanding the right thing to do and actually doing it are two ends of the spectrum. I have to be strong and just let it go. I hate that I have to go through the process to flush her from my system, but it needs to be done. Maybe I can find a quick method on this site to go through this a little quicker. LOL You have been a huge help. Thank you.

Again, you're very welcome. Wish there was a magic potion, but you, you know. It might help to read the "Sticky's" under the relationship forum. There are some good tips there. :)

Just another bit of encouragement, from our "Friend4U" who has posted this song in his tag line. I'll post it here for you! :)

YouTube - Michael Buble - Lost Music Video