I have been having an affair with my husbands co-worker/friend for going on 19 months now. I have falling in love with him. He isn't happy in his marriage and neither am I. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man. He kind, generous, extremely funny, a great kisser, just a good ol' country boy. He does not have a lazy bone in his body. He does everything for his wife. She doesn't appreciate him at all. My husband won't even get up to get himself a glass of water, he has me do it. He's just a lazy butt. Well we all work at the same place. We meet in the morning and have coffee and then we eat lunch together. I always get his lunch when I go out for me and my husband.

Well in the beginning last year around March of 2007 I started to get to know him more and more. He wouldn't talk too much to me until he got to know me. We didn't sleep together until that June. I had never been with anyone since my husband before that. He was so gentle and caring. Something I hadn't had in many years. My husband doesn't even kiss me passionately anymore. I thought I had forgot how it had been so long. He made me feel like a woman, my husband has never made me feel like that, ever. He makes me feel good about myself, he gives me confidence. It felt nice to be told I smelled good and that I looked pretty or "my hair looked nice today". My husband never says those things to me anymore.

Well here it is November 2008, and I am crazy about this man. We have "broke it off" countless times because he said this is wrong and he feels guilty because I am his buddy's wife. So we will cool it but it will only last maybe a week. He always comes back. He has a habit of stroking the back of my hair when he walks up behind me. That is his way of showing me effection without everyone seeing. We are always around people. My husband is always around. He has never came over to my house or it would be much worse. I can't get him out of my mind. I have tried so many times. I cry a lot because I know I can never have him. I would leave my husband if he asked me to. He is everything my husband is not. I'm at the point to where my husband makes me sick. I even think of the other man when my husband and I have sex.

My husband has accused me of being in love with him countless times. I guess I'm not very good about hiding my feelings when I'm around him. I find myself finding reasons to go to where they are working. My husband even went as far as "Banning" me from the jobsite. I tell him that we are just good friendsand that I don't cheat. I failed to mention that my husband had an affair in 1992 for 5 months. I never paid him back for that. I'm not saying that is what I am doing because If I could go back I would not have done this, it hurts too much. I have always heard of people being torn between two lovers but I'm not torn. He just won't give me what I want. He has even told me before that girls get too attached. He has told me not to fall in love with him. He told me that in the beginning, I thought he was crazy but I guess he knew what he was talking about. Like he has done this before. He has had a girlfriend that he told me about since he has been married. However, he refuses to "kiss and tell" as he calls it.

Well that is it in a nutshell. I get so depressed when Friday rolls around because I won't see him until Monday. I need help somebody tell me what to do please!

Break it off with your husband, you are a cheating soulless woman! I don't care how bad things get, BREAK IT OFF first! Adultry, does it mean anything to you? How about when you said "I do" and then lie to your husband.

My advice, break it off with your husband so he can find someone that isn't going to cheat on him. And I'm not sorry if this is harsh, no one on this board has comfort for cheaters.

Not to mention, you types of people are the reason why we don't introduce our females to our circle of friends!

I think you are a little harsh. I think you forgot to mention that he cheated on me first. I didn't leave him then, I stuck it out and it has been a long hard road. The reason I posted this is to get outside feedback because all my girlfriends know my husband and they are glad I have found some kind of happiness. But Mr. Romefalls I respect your reply and I thank you for it. You have opened up my eyes, I do need to divorce him before I go any further. I just know it will not be easy. Again, thank you for your comment.

Yeah, I think the first thing you need to do is break up with your husband. A vow is a vow, and two wrongs don't make a right. End that first, and the other guy needs to end his marriage too, and perhaps you two can find happiness together... sounds like a Jerry Springer episode to me, but I won't judge. Not what I am here for.

wvchick66 meet romefalls... we don't have sympathy for chaters, no matter what the circumstances. I wish you luck!

I sympathise with you. I know you are going through a hard time but the person you are having the affair with, is just using you. He knows that you and your husband have a weak relaitionship at the moment so he is taking advantage. I bet he would not leave his wife for you. A person taking advantage of somebody will be showing all his nice side. It's only when you start to stay with them, then only you'll know the bad side. Every relaitionship is sweet in the beginning and as time goes, the same old things start happening over and over again. Just think about it, do you think he is doing a good thing by cheating on his wife? Go for somebody who is willing to rescue you from that husband of yours.

The grass is only greener on the other side when you spend more time looking at it than you do watering your own...

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Originally Posted by jcali

Go for somebody who is willing to rescue you from that husband of yours.

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NO!! Divorce your freaking husband. You shouldn't be in that relationship anyway. Don't wait for your prince charming, have the balls to leave this broken down joke of a relationship by yourself!

Thanks to you two I am no longer going to be a cheater. I wasn't looking for sympathy just an ear and some advise.

By the way, he will never leave his wife. I don't see that happening.

That's just it I don't have the guts to leave. Only because I have tried to leave many times before. He starts to cry and threatens to kill himself. It tears me up... so I stay.

Then let him kill himself. Do not let his emotional instability ruin your life.

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Originally Posted by jcali

I sympathise with you. I know you are going through a hard time but the person you are having the affair with, is just using you. He knows that you and your husband have a weak relaitionship at the moment so he is taking advantage. I bet he would not leave his wife for you. A person taking advantage of somebody will be showing all his nice side. It's only when you start to stay with them, then only you'll know the bad side. Every relaitionship is sweet in the beginning and as time goes, the same old things start happening over and over again. Just think about it, do you think he is doing a good thing by cheating on his wife? Go for somebody who is willing to rescue you from that husband of yours.

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Yea, I know he has cheated on her before. If I were to get with him, I would constantly be wondering if he was with someone else.

You should have left your husband beofore you started cheating on him.

I hope you leave him. And not hurt him anymore than he already is.

You're a cheater, your husband is a cheater, and your lover is a cheater.

Damn, that's so screwed up! No wonder no ones happy.

(Please don't tell me your lovers' wife cheats too! I couldn't handle that!)

I know this thread is a little old but I just wanted to say something that wasn't as hurtful as all the other people who are so ready to tell you what a terrible person you are. So the deed has been done, you've already cheated and you can't go back on that. Yes in hindsight you should have thought about what would happen and how you might feel before you went and started an affair. However now you really need to have a good think about your options and the consequences of each. So if you left your husband, would the guy you've been seeing ever leave his wife. If you did both leave your partners would the 2 of you getting together be a real option. Especially since you all work together. Also do you feel that you would still want to leave your husband if you hadn't had this affair. I don't think you should leave your husband just because you have something with this other man, because who is to say that further down the line your relationship with this guy wouldn't also fall apart. I think your best option for now is to stop the affair and clear your mind so your thoughts won't be biased. I think it must be a very hard thing to do because you work together and so can't really avoid each other. I think you need to think of the bigger picture and realise that you can't keep cheating forever because you will be found out and the situation will be so much harder to deal with then than it is now. Personally I don't think you should be in your marriage if your husband is making you feel the way you do regardless of whether there is someone else.

You need to 1st reread what you've put out there it's not right what your doing 1st of all you all are friends in which that's going to come to and end. If you all are so in love with each other why won't you end your marriages are you sure that he wants to end his marriage because remember he's a man and men say things to get what they want. Why is it you all have been in this relationship for so long 19 months is a long time to be having an affair maybe you need to pull his hoe card and see where you to really stand. Why would you be in a marriage if your unhappy you need to let that man go regardless if you continue to see the other man it's time to end nonsense because the tables may turn and your going to end up by yourself

Cheating is a choice. Your husband made that choice. You made that choice. Your lover made that choice.

Whether you stay in your broken marriage or not, choose to not cheat.

It's that simple.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Your a cheater, your husband is a cheater, and your lover is a cheater.

Damn, thats so screwed up! No wonder no ones happy.

(Please don't tell me your lovers' wife cheats too! I couldn't handle that!)

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LOL!! Sad but true..