My closest and best friend is Jewish and she has been living in a nice suberb for over 17 years, which she refers to as a "Christian" town because her family is a minority. She is used to living in a suburb that is prodominately Jewish, as this is the way she was raised. Since she had her first son she's been living in that town, (yes that son is now 17.. lol). She loves the beauty of her municipality and the quality of life... she wanted to raise her two boys there. I don't think she's as happy as she wants me to believe.

She keeps her religion to herself. She never tells anyone that she's Jewish, even if her religion is being brought up either by jokes or by less rude means. She respects her religion, she's not exactly a "church" goer, (or should I say a "sinagog" goer... ), but I'm not a big church mouse either and it doesn't interfere w/ my religion.

I have asked her why she doesn't stand up for her race and religion and she says that she has her beliefs and no one can make her feel like she's a lesser of a person no matter any kind of Jew joke... personally I think it's awful! Am I being too harsh?

I feel like she's isolating herself. She has made no friends in her town since she has moved there... (but then neither have I... living in the country either... ). She puts up a "facade" and doesn't let anyone close.

She has told me so many stories about how "her people", (the Jews) are ridiculed. All the old adages about how "all Jew are rich" etc... but yet SHE SAYS NOTHING! I have even see her laugh with them!! :eek: What is that ABOUT!!

Since she is your friend and all you should just let her be. If that's the way she wants to live and she feels happy about it even though she doesn't show it just let her live the way she wants to live. For whatever reason she is been living in that town 17 years is just her decision to live there and stay there. If she doesn't talk about her religion that much then mayb she is one of the type of person who doesn't like to talk about her beliefs in her religion. Just let her be happy in her own way and since your her friend just be there for her even if sometimes you don't feel like she needs u.

Wow, SweetDee, on another thread you go on and on about black people. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/politi...on-278074.html

Now, here you are going on about Jewish people. I'm beginning to wonder if you aren't the one who is racist here.

You know, some people are brought up to keep their religion and their politics to themselves.

Jews tend to be an insular people. One of the reasons we have been persecuted so much over the centuries is that haven't, historically fought back.

I would just leave her be.

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SweetDee disagrees: Wow, your like retarded or something... ;) lmfaooooo!

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Please let me point you to the directions on how to use the comment feature...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum-...nes-24951.html

My opinion from reading your two threads is that you may be the one who is racist. In one you continually bring up how our president elect is black, in this one you are focusing on the Jewish religion. Both of whom have been criticized for decades.

When you ask a question here, you open yourself up to people who may disagree with your thoughts. My answer was not factually incorrect (how the rep system should work) but rather an observation.

**EDIT** I am not retarded, but rather, obviously, much more educated than you.

Ya, ScottGem, I know what you mean about being "insular people". I grew up around her family... I think of them as my own family.

I was born in another country and when I was new in school she was one of the few people who reached out to me. I couldn't even speak the language. (I'm scandinavian... ).

She took me into her home and let me become a part of her family. In fact our families later became close too.

The Jewish people are similar to a lot of Scandinavians in the class that they have. In fact I'd go so far as to say that they are people who really go above and beyond for their families, especially their children.

I have a million times wanted to tell the dummy who thought that another money joke was going to make the room laugh, to shut the "F" up! It's simply just not even slightly true or slightly funny.

My daughter is close friends w/ one of her sons and she tells me how her son goes on about Jew jokes in his school. Even HE lets it go on. He initially gets aggressive just to freak out the one telling the joke. It's apparently not "cool" to be racist in his school... Then after he's made his point about not being crude about Jews and telling the kid that he's Jewish... he goes on to say, "it's ok if you wanna joke. It's "all good". Just don't be an *sshole about it". The guy then asked, "But are you a Jew for real?" and my nephew said, "Yes I am a REAL Jew"... LMAO!

I have a window seat to what it feels like to be a minority. I can't still truly imagine what it must feel like to be so disliked simply by being another ethnicity... It's over and beyond me!

You really know how to ingratiate yourself with people, don't you? I'm surprised you have many friends the way you blunder about. Does the word tact have no meaning for you?

J_9 pointed out the guidelines for using the comments feature, something I suspected was pointed out before. You clearly misused it. Even beyond that, you violated the rules of this site by using it to launch a personal attack.

As I said in another thread, if you are going to post things, you need to be prepared to accept the reaction to what you post.

Heck, I'm a polish, you think I am offended by Polish jokes? Nah, I join right in. What good does it do to get offended towards ignorant people? Heck, I have some of the BEST polish jokes to come back at people... they never know what hit them. LOL

I have no problem accepting anyone's reaction to anything I say, make no mistake. ;)

I didn't misuse any "comment features". I will use them as I wish.

I'm happy to meet a Polish gent, I enjoy that culture and also have close friends whom are Polish... however Jewish jokes are a bit not so nice in comparison. Let's just say I'm pretty sick of hearing them! Especially in lieu of the fact that Jews are not always so well "recieved" and have been many a target, much like the African Americans. There is NO comparison...

I didn't "launch" a "personal attack". As we say in French, "Calme toi". Calm down! I simply asked some questions... let's not lynch me and hang me from your proverbial tree.

I just asked a political question and then I asked about WHY I can't ask real questions w/out tip toeing through the tulips or over egg shells.

I couldn't care less if you've gotten yourselves all uptight and in a tizzy... (scotty!), quite frankly for a baby boy you too can blunder about in the dark.. pretending that you have more tact than anyone.

I'm amused. Please don't stop.

Ex-oh xo

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Originally Posted by SweetDee

I have no problem accepting anyone's reaction to anything I say, make no mistake. ;)

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Then why complain when you get a reaction you didn't like?

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Originally Posted by SweetDee

I didn't misuse any "comment features". I will use them as I wish.

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No you use this site according to the rules established for it. If you don't, then appropriate actions will be taken.

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Originally Posted by SweetDee

I didn't "launch" a "personal attack". As we say in French, "Calme toi". Calm down! I simply asked some questions...let's not lynch me and hang me from your proverbial tree.

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Referring to someone as "retarded" is a personal attack.

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Originally Posted by SweetDee

I could care less if you've gotten yourselves all uptight and in a tizzy...(scotty!), quite frankly for a baby boy you too can blunder about in the dark..pretending that you have more tact than anyone.

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There you go with another unfounded and unsupported personal attack

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Originally Posted by SweetDee

I'm amused. Please don't stop.

Ex-oh xo

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We are not here for your amusement.

Oh Scotty, you're always attacking what I say... You follow my posts and answered threads.


I enjoy hearing opposing opinions. I'm asking for opinions... I'm not asking for, and I quote " I'm surprised you have many friends the way you blunder about. Does the word tact have no meaning for you? If Scotts doesn't think this is an attack, then...

I'm not out to GET anyone. I just have a few questions. I'm sorry that the way I may speak or write insults people w/ my honesty and bluntness, but I never did attack anyone FIRST. I'm feeling like I need to defend my personal self and this is a thread NOT ABOUT ME, but about the issues I brought up.

J_9, (with your, and I'm quoting you too..."I'm beginning to wonder if you aren't the one who is racist here) you're not off the hook either. I just want you both to STOP and lets keep to the issue and not attacking and defending ourselves, OK?

Lets keep to topic, shall we PLEASE?

I'm going to ignore the other posts and answer you.

I think that people do care about what other people say. It's in our nature, no matter what, we care. Whether it's only ONE person whom we care says or five. It doesn't matter. It could be self-confidence or other things but those little mean things people say are going to sting or hurt or (in the extreme) they can shatter your self-esteem.

She probably doesn't want that, she's thinking 'if I say anything they might make fun of me' and that comes waaay back from high school. The typical "someone's being bullied and you stand away from them and try to ignore it" You ignore it, but you know it's happening. She's probably scared of what people are going to say, simple as that.

(Personally, I have always stepped in and stopped someone being beaten up) but I'm not one to judge.

Anyway, she could be shy. Or maybe even ask her about it more, ask her why she feels exactly hesitant to tell people she's Jewish.

It's nothing to be afraid of (that's what I think personally) I'm Christian and I tell people even when they're joking. I'll laugh and then say "I hope your not serious, because I'M Christian, and they generally apologize and say they weren't trying to cause and discomfort." It's easy to do. People are usually quite good-natured about religion and know it's a touchy subject.

Express how you feel. Dig a little deeper. But do NOT push too much.

-Absolute

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Originally Posted by SweetDee

Oh Scotty,

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It's SCOTT, not Scotty. No need to be so condescending.

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Originally Posted by SweetDee

Does the word tact have no meaning for you?

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I think that's a question you must answer yourself.

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Originally Posted by SweetDee

J_9, (with your, and I'm quoting you too..."I'm beginning to wonder if you aren't the one who is racist here) you're not off the hook either. I just want you both to STOP and lets keep to the issue and not attacking

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And you mean what by I am "not off the hook?" I'm not the one who is racist.

There is a difference between a personal attack and attacking what someone has said. You have crossed the line, neither J_9 nor I have.

I've ignored your calling me Scotty, because it wasn't worth bringing up, but since J_9 did, I will point out its just another example of your lack of tact. You have neither asked permission nor earned the right to use such a nickname.

Finally, I don't follow you around, the accusation is ludicrous. That's just another example of a personal attack. You are treading on very thin ice here.

Come guys don't fight over something that's not worth fighting for. I think everybody should just let everybody be and let them run their own life however they like.

{personal attack removed-<>}

UPDATE: I had dinner w/ my best friends last night and we did talk about the subject. I brought it up, (tee-hee!). I asked her straight out why she covers up being Jewish. She related to me that she feels like she's an outcast if she tells anyone in this town. Like she's not as accepted. She wants people to feel like she fits in... even if she feels that she doesn't exactly. She said that, "I may feel like a square peg that may not exactly fit into the round hole, but I'm the only one that knows that".

She just wants the feeling of acceptance. I told her they'd accept her anyway. She's not sure and MORE THAN THAT she doesn't care enough about these people on a personal level so a superficial acceptance is fine w/ her.

We have a close group of girl friends that we've been tight w/ since our early twenties... and she has what she needs from us and her fabulous hubby.

I suppose she wants to keep things superficial and easy... She really is a private person.

That was her answer. I understand it actually. I'm so glad we finally spoke about it.

I love this site... it give me the courage to go for it in rl, (real life).

And thanks to Absolute and Mamibella for sticking to my problem {personal attack removed-<>}. I appreciate it A LOT! Your help gave me the push to talk to her last night about it. She wondered why I hadn't asked her about it before. I suppose I'm getting more aggressive and couragious in rl... lol. THANKS Abs and Mami,

Comments on this post
Absolute disagrees: There is disagreeing and then there is going to far, I'm sorry but that is too far.

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

Second, if you feel anyone's post goes over the line of what is allowed here, then feel free to report it. But using the comments feature to disagree with an opinion is inappropriate.

Finally, I stand by my post. I don't see how I went anywhere near too far. I simply used her own words to point out how she had stepped over the line.

I get the feeling this is a dead thread but I'd like to comment. First, I am Christian; my husband was an Orthodox Jew by birth and education, went to Hebrew school, spoke Hebrew, joined (if that's the proper term) a Reformed Temple in his adult life. Knew, understood and could explain Judaism - because I knew nothing about it when we met and married. We have a French last name and so people just never put it together - I guess.

If someone made a derogatory comment I was the one who said - complete with a dead stare - "Perhaps you don't realize my husband is Jewish." Some of the comments are because people simply don't understand that's a religion, not a race - my own cousin said to my husband, "So you're a Jew, right?" My answer was, "If you're asking if he's Jewish, yes he is."

His failure to respond had nothing to do with keeping a low profile or denying his religion - he simply was raised from childhood to be non confrontational. To understand that, as Scott said [and I hope I'm understanding you, Scott], you would have to go back through European history and look at various issues including Jews not being allowed to own land and, therefore, seeking higher education and then being persecuted for being better educated and, thus, more financially successful than their persecutors.

I honestly believe sometimes people don't listen to themselves when they talk and have no idea they are being flippant or insulting. I have posted before that I am shocked that people throw the words "'tard" and "retard" around in conversation and when it's posted on the boards. I just got into a "dispute" on another thread over the use of the word "nut house" when referring to visits to a Psychologist. Discrimination comes in many forms.

With apologies to Sweetdee, I find the question as originally posted to be a little vague. Who knows why her specific friend denies/hides her religious faith. The question is a lot like saying, “My friend is Catholic and drinks orange juice. Why do Catholics drink orange juice?” I think this is more about the friend's background and history and less about the religion.

<Clunk! Off my soapbox!>

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Originally Posted by J_9

Absolute disagrees: This whole going back and not answering the question she asked is ridiculous, keep your personal issues out of the answer. We're supposed to be "experts".
.

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Classic example of why 15 year old children should not be posting on adult boards. And nobody ever said everyone here was an "expert." This particular thread is more about opinion than anything else - you really should take a look at the "rules."