My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship on and off for 4 1/2 years. We've been through a lot together and have a history and that's why sometimes our relationship can be really hard. I love him more then anything and that's why ever moving on or letting go is out of the option. We've been sexually active for 4 years. My boyfriend was my first so honestly the begginning of our relationship I prob wasn't very good sexually. He was never able to fully finish off at first and so I would help jack him off to finish him off. Eventually sometimes he would be able to finish, and we got pregnant. We lost the baby at 4 1/2 months. Which was extremely tough for both of us. Its been two years now since I miscarried. We use to have sex often, prob 3-4 times a week. I had surgery 4 weeks ago on my ankle and he has moved in to take care of me. He moved in a couple of days before my surgery and we didn't have sex at all. Since surgery we've had sex one time. He teases me constantly though. Which confuses me. When I've asked to have sex... yes I want it often he complains that he's tired... and just kind of avoids it. My friend suggested that maybe he doesn't want to hurt me. And when I asked my boyfriend how he was still OK though we have not had sex he said well sometimes once you've fallen asleep I've masturbated. Do you think its because he doesn't want to hurt me? Why would he masturbate with me next to him not knowing... and not even ask me to help? I rather do something then nothing and making him happy is very important to me. I've tried new things, I am very confident sexually now, he seems to finish off every time now. I guess I'm confused as to why he won't have sex with me but he will masturbate? If he's tired then why does he have enough energy to masturbate? I'm sorry I'm giving you our life story I'm just really confused and feel like I am failing him or doing something wrong... if you have any advice... any at all I would really appreciate it

Well, girl, we can't live lives without emotional hurt... that is reality. We lose people through death, and we lose people through changes in the nature of the relationship.

Have an honest mature talk with the boy... at a restaurant... find out if he sees a permanent future with you.

You may have to say goodbye to your first love... get support if that is true, and move on with confidence.

I think your problem is more a lack of honest communications, so you can get some understanding about what you both expect from each other sexually. Somebody isn't paying attention here.

I try to communicate all the time is the thing... I know he is tired after work, I know life is emotional and not easy. I've been there, never expected it to be easy. He tells me nothing is wrong with me and he's just tired or not in the mood today. He teases me constantly, which just makes me want him more.its just hard because I want it so badly sometimes and I can't keep begging but I don't want to nag either. Anyway thanks for the advice... appreciate it

Could it be time to put the history aside and think of the future?? If he wont work with you, nor communicate, then its you who have a decision to make.

Can you be like this for the rest of your life??