Ask Me Help Desk - Should I tell my parents and friends about my sexuality?

I'm bisex. I live at Indonesia, where everyone seems likely to adopt "homophobia". Even I get attracted to girl, dreaming dirty about them or anything like normal person, I also do the same to a man. Both of this sexual really attracts me. I'm still holding this till I write here. Is it a good choice to let the other know my sexuality? Thank you for the answer :D

Personally... I'd recommend keeping it to yourself with all the social stygma you would be subjected to in your country.

Once its out you can't take it back even if you later decide its not for you.
Dreaming about something isn't the same about actually likeing something. Most fantasies are not as good as they seem to be when you dream them.

If you have actually gone through with it and like it then its up to you. But consider what you might be subjected to in your culture first.

If you are young, I wouldn't tell anyone just yet. I would wait until you are older, an adult.

If you are in your teens or younger, you are still maturing sexually. There are a lot of strange thoughts going through the minds of boys when their bodies are flooded with relatively new hormones.

Think of fantasy like a drug, when you fantasize your get your brain to release endorphines and other chemicals that make us feel good, stimulated, etc. The fact that you think about both sexes isn't so much rooted in bi-sexuality but in a desire to release those chemicals for your 'high'; and unlike what you would call normal 'boys', you haven't built up the cultural prejudice to not think about people of the same sex. This could be due to a number of things which have nothing to do with what your adult sexual orientation may be. For instance if you have always been a bit of an outsider, then it may be natural for you not to conform to the homophobic thinking of your peer group. Hence, you don't have the built in cultural filter to prevent you from thinking about other boys.

Young men and boys are drunkenly horny, almost constantly, and many a boy has wrestled or had a play fight with a friend and surprisingly started to get an erection from the close physical contact with another human being; but it doesn't mean they are gay or bi-sexual; it's just the nature of the hormones surging through your system. Think of dog humping leg, sofa, stuffed animal; boys aren't much different... lol.

Like it's been suggested earlier, fantasy and real sex are two different things. Taking that one step further, mature relationships involve emotional needs and are built on a complex give and take; and there is love.

It will be difficult for you to tell at an early age whether women or men will ultimately fulfill those needs, and who you can love.

I would just leave your fantasies as they are and concentrate on forming healthy personal relationships with both sexes and see how things turn out as you are older. Your perspective on life and sex will grow and change rather quickly over the next few years, so be patient and see where it leads you.

Also, if as a young adult you still are attracted to men, you will be older and wiser and you will understand the full implications of coming out and telling people. I mean, what if you are working, supporting yourself and your workplace (in your culture) may fire you; and you may have difficulty supporting yourself afterwards. Only you can decide when it's right for you, but I would wait till you are older so you truly understand both the risks and the benefits of telling people if you feel the same way in the future as you do now.

I think ultimately your reason for wanting to tell people could be that you want some attention, or you want to fit in. Examine why you want to tell people, what need in your life is not being fulfilled and will telling people truly fulfill that need or is there another way for that need to be fulfilled without taking this risk in the culture you are living in?

Why does anyone need to know? This concept of "coming out" is really bizarre to me.

If you want to, wait until you have experienced actual sex with a man and sex with a woman- decide for yourself (I get the feeling you are unsure of your sexuality-that could be an issue as suggested by smoothy)

Cheers.

Keep it to yourself; you live in an Islamic country.

My opinion is that blabbing all about yourself no matter what country you live in is foolish. :)

Thanks for all of your wise answer..

Keep it to yourself.. no need to tell anyone.

I have a friend that lives here, in Ireland. He is in his 40's and from Malaysia. He is gay and has never told anyone at home.. when I first heard about it I thought it would be quite difficult for him but he says its not only the only way he could ever imagine his life, but also the best for him and his family.

Gee, thanks pal :o
It's just a difficult time when you have to face your best pal that is who you like but you can't say it out.. It's all right now, thanks for sharing. I really need many many answer here :D

Depends. Can you stay in the closet and be content? If you want to open that door, your family and friends are the ones that would be the most supportive of you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xrayman

why does anyone need to know? This concept of "coming out" is really bizarre to me.

If you want to, wait until you have experienced actual sex with a man and sex with a woman- decide for yourself (I get the feeling you are unsure of your sexuality-that could be an issue as suggested by smoothy)

cheers.

As soon as I knew I was gay, I came out to my parents. Most gay people I know want their families to love and accept them knowing who they really are. It's not bizarre at all!

It is important to stay true to yourself and feel that you can be authentic. I understand your frustration in having so many feelings and not having a place to share them safely. I think you are in a tough position because of where you live and sometimes there are consequences for being honest with people about who you are. You may not be ready for all of that yet. After all, what you have are feelings. Those are natural and so are fantasies. You could have attractions to both sexes and still not be gay. I think you have some self discovery to do before declaring that you are gay or bisexual. You should continue to express yourself so that you don't keep things bottled up inside. This site is a good place where you will not be condemned or judged. When you are ready to move forward in a relationship with someone, you might be ready to acknowledge your preference to your friends and family. Until then, try to learn more about yourself and realize that thinking about being sexual with people doesn't make you gay. You are still trying to work through many feelings and you must be patient with yourself. Don't allow yourself to be exposed until you are ready for everything that comes along with it. Good luck and remember that you are OK just the way you are.