Hi, I have another question up here I'm currently trying to get over my ex who broke up with me seven months ago and now has a new girlfriend who he recently cheated on her with me.. and in the end chose to stay with her. So now I am starting over from scratch.

I'm young, 18, and I feel that I am very naïve and I know I won't fully understand what most of the people that took time to give me advice in my other question but I want to know if you are much older and have experienced more with relationships, if you could help me out.

My question is, is it possible for a persons first love to come back to them? I'm not saying right now, immediately.. I mean after they take a long time away from each other? Will the dumper ever miss the dumpee? Will he ever realize what he gave up? How good she was to him? In this case I am the one that was dumped.. and the one that was always loyal and was cheated on. Pretty much taken for granted and was too available.

As of right now, he hates me and blames me for causing him and his new girl problems when it was him that couldve prevented cheating on her.. I didn't do anything wrong.. I didn't force him to cheat, it was his own choice! So I don't understand why he is kicking me out of his life when I didn't do anything to hurt him like he did to me. He won't answer anything; texts calls emails.. nothing so I have stopped trying.

Has this happened to you? And you really thought it was over for good.. but some how, he or she came back and wanted to try things again when you least expected it to happen?

It is possible for anything to happen. It is impossible for you to get on with your life and be happy if you are worrying about that possibility. You are hurt and feel alone, which I sympathize with, however you need to realize that you are better than this. Who cares if he does come back? And, I tell you what, more often than not, when people 'come back' it is usually too late as the other person (you) has already found happiness without them.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

It is possible for anything to happen. It is impossible for you to get on with your life and be happy if you are worrying about that possibility. You are hurt and feel alone, which I sympathize with, however you need to realize that you are better than this. Who cares if he does come back? And, I tell you what, more often than not, when people 'come back' it is usually too late as the other person (you) has already found happiness without them.

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I've been told to stop letting this entire situation to get to my head because it just slows me down from moving on and I understand. Its hard, but I'm trying my best. I just wish that I could fast forward through this pain and get to the part where you say I will be the one that has "found happiness without them." As of right now, that seems like a fantasy that I might not ever have.. so I'm hoping I will heal and get there.

It is not a fantasy, it is reality. I was living that reality until my ex popped back into my life yesterday, and now I have some of that 'false hope' garbage back into my head. All I can do though is get up and try again. That is all anyone can do. You will be so much stronger by going through this, trust me. Once you learn to love yourself, it will make life much easier and much more satisfying.

And remember, as much as you or I want to "let" this hurt us, it is all in your mind. ALL! We are still beautiful people who are alive an healthy. The key is to remember that, remember that you can still do ANYTHING you want, and your 'ex' can never take that away. NEVER!!

Haha yeah, I need to learn to love myself.. I feel silly saying that and maybe a little egotistical but I can understand why it is so important. Why would I want to love someone else if I can't even learn to love myself? I don't ever want to get so attached to a boyfriend ever again.. I made his life my life.. which I hear is the biggest mistake to make in a relationship.

Don't spend too much time dawning on the past. It is called the past for a reason. You can change only what is in front of you. Yes, it may sound a bit selfish, but loving yourself doesn't mean you look in the mirror every second, it means you learn to be happy with yourself and who you are. Why would you want to love a cheater? That is my question. You are a women, you have the power. Don't date a boy, date a man! (By that I mean someone who is responsible and caring, not immature and full of crap)

I haven't met anyone new in so long :( and I read somewhere that it's harder to meet someone that you'll fall in love with right after your first love if you are young.. why is that? Or is that not true?

It's not true, at all. The only reason people say that is because we spend so long after we break up with our first love comparing others to them. You cannot do that. You have to let your emotions clear of the previous person, and also you can't be looking for love. Life doesn't work like that. Just live your life, and I promise you that out of nowhere the man of your dreams will pop in. That is how life is.

It isn't fair to compare another person to your first love. No one can replace that person. That is just a fact, but that doesn't mean you won't find someone you are happier with. If it didn't work out, it was for a reason.

P.S. I am 8 years older than you and two months ago broke up with my first love. You are young! Have faith, as I do, that everything happens for a reason. You will be fine...

I really appreciate you talking to me since no one else bothered to answer my question hah..

Something is bothering me though, why won't he talk to me? For example I texted him today because there were some clothes and a phone charger I left with him and I needed/wanted them back. He didn't text me so I had to ask my friend to contact him and not to my surprise, he talked to her but not even me.. ugh. Then just now like ten minutes ago my friend called me and told me my ex called her to tell me that he left my things outside by my car.. I am upset because I JUST went back into my house when he dropped it off.. so I couldve talked to him UGH. Why won't he talk to me! Its killing me.

Who cares? He does not matter anymore, simple as that. He sucks, life doesn't... put it in that perspective. Do NOT let him control your moods and feelings ANYMORE. You have control, he doesn't, unless you let him. Sounds like he is just doing his part to get over it, and part of that is just absolutely shutting you out of his life. You need to do the same.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Sounds like he is just doing his part to get over it, and part of that is just absolutely shutting you out of his life. You need to do the same.

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Does that mean that he'll never come back than? He's done this to me before within these past seven months that we have been broken up. He ignored everything I tried to do to get in contact with him but he came back to me four or five times! But this time it's different because he has a new girlfriend.. well 1/5 time he came back was when he was with her already for two months.. but I feel now it's different. If you've read my other question, Do you think he's gone for good?

While I can understand your hurt, do you really think by asking the same question in a new thread will give you different answers??

"As of right now, he hates me and blames me for causing him and his new girl problems when it was him that couldve prevented cheating on her.. i didnt do anything wrong.. i didnt force him to cheat, it was his own choice! so i dont understand why he is kicking me out of his life when i didnt do anything to hurt him like he did to me. he wont answer anything; texts calls emails.. nothing so i have stopped trying."... Not to sound all "negative or mean" but if you knew he had a girlfriend then your as much to blame as him... its probably better that he doesn't communicate with you.. his girlfriend probably doesn't like that much and well of course.. why would you want to add onto their problems... As far as your question goes.. anything is possible.. but it kind of sounds like you might just be that back up in the future or when things aren't going well with current girlfriend or girlfriends.. he may use that "first" thing since you still/will have feelings for him.. either way.. I wish u luck and hope u can get through this =)

Forget him being a part of your life, for right now. Having sex with him in spite of his having a new girlfriend did not bring him back. You are not in control, just in pain. This will get better. First, improve yourself, learn, do and grow. You do not need him to be you.

I found my first love right before turning 18. He was young too. He cheated on me with everyone he could, even my sister. Treated me alternately like dirt and like a friend. While trying to keep the relationship going, I felt like I was dying.

Then, I gave up on the "had to have him" thing. We talked once in a while for the next 20 years, both married to others and divorced. We both wanted to get back together, but at wrong times... Ten years after that, we are still friends. Now we email and have phone conversations, share and commiserate on our current relationships. Who knows, maybe we'll get back together one day.

In order for there to be a union with him, both of you need to experience life. Let him go grow up. Focus on yourself.

Hi. I read your question and just thought I'd give my input. I agree with kctiger, every thing happens for a reason. I think it's very possible for your "love" to come back into your life in the future, but be careful what you wish for. When I was 18 I was madly in love with this local rockstar guy, I thought he was the coolest, most amazing person on earth. Long story short, we dated for close to two years and then I had enough of his womanizing ways. Well, I am now 30 and through twists of fate, hooked back up with him almost 2 years ago. At first it was wonderful, but now I am probably the most miserable I have ever been. He's an alcoholic who is stuck in the past. And he has cheated on me at least twice (I think, I haven't been able to confirm it, but once a cheater, always a cheater, and that is the honest truth).
You are very young and have your whole life in front of you. Do not waste any more time thinking about this guy. Get on with your life. As the saying goes... time heals all.

"I really appreciate you talking to me since no one else bothered to answer my question hah..

Something is bothering me though, why won't he talk to me? For example I texted him today because there were some clothes and a phone charger i left with him and i needed/wanted them back. He didn't text me so i had to ask my friend to contact him and not to my surprise, he talked to her but not even me.. ugh. Then just now like ten minutes ago my friend called me and told me my ex called her to tell me that he left my things outside by my car.. I am upset because i JUST went back into my house when he dropped it off.. so i couldve talked to him UGH. why won't he talk to me!? its killing me."

Are you serious?. -blinks-... leave him alone... you sound stalkerish now... -smh-