I really need to find my biological mother, I have issues that simply need closure or I will NEVER be able to be the person I want to be. It is always eating away at me that my mother has never tried to contact me, and I celebrated my champagne birthday this year battling depression because I couldn't stop thinking that it'll be another 25 years before she ever has the decency to contact me if she ever does and it makes me so upset I feel sick to my stomach. I kind of pushed all this to the back of my mind and never dealt with it, but I recently had my first child and I've been struggling with severe depression since then because I can't understand it after feeling what a mother's love really is. My point to this rambling is that I need closure desperately and if she won't do it for me then I guess it falls on my shoulders to do it and I wanted to know if anyone knows how you find information about your biological parents without asking your mom and dad? They asked me when I turned 18 and I told them I couldn't care less about her. (I said it but didn't mean it because I didn't want to hurt them. I said 'I have a mom') I need to find her because I need to let this go so I can be a better mother and not hurt so much but I simply can't ask my parents and I need another way but I don't even know where to start, I've been holding it in so long it's really really hard to talk about. I also wanted to know if we have any illnesses that run in the family... when doctors ask me my family history it's so so hard to say I don't know and then I have to explain why. :(
I'm sory to ramble on, I guess I needed to get that out as much as I need any suggestions anyone can offer me. I live in Canada as well if that matters.
Also, not that it really matters but it will explain why I'm so upset that my mother hasn't tried to contact me even though she could've once I turned 18--7 years ago. My sister is also adopted and her mother called on her 18th birthday, she couldn't wait for her to meet her. It made me so sad and I know I shouldn't expect anything from anybody but after having my daughter and feeling that special love for the first time it has been on my mind so so much now. Is it common for adopted children to never hear from their biologic parents? How can they stay away? It's very important to have family medical history these days.

I'm a birthmother. Part of the reason she may not have looked is because she doesn't want to disrupt your life.

I placed my daughter for adoption 17 years ago. I'm perfectly happy to wait for HER to contact ME--this way I know I'm not intruding on HER life.

You don't have to ask your mom and dad, but if they asked you about it once, you may be surprised by how supportive they are, and how much information they can give you. Then, too--if they'd been in contact with her, and you gave THAT answer, and they passed it along to her---why WOULD she look for you? You couldn't care less! Besides, it makes perfect sense that you'd change your mind about searching after your child was born--you have a different understanding of the situation, and a different need to fill (medical information for your daughter).

You don't have to ask your parents, but you do need information to start a search. Which agency were you adopted through? Which hospital were your born at? Things like that are REALLY helpful for a search.

You can also post on sites like adoption.com, adoption.org, and the ISSR website.

Again--birthparents stay away most of the time because they a) don't want to be rejected themselves and b)don't want to disrupt the lives of the child that they made a HUGE sacrifice for. There's also the third option, c) that you were the product of rape or some other horrible event in your birthmother's life, and the only way for her to get over ALL of that pain was to walk away completely from that event in her life.