We have been together for 5 years now... and I could never imagine that he could cheat on me! never!. 5 mts ago.. I 'found out' that he was having an affair... he has now come back to me and begged for my forgivness to be a changed man!. how do I forgive? How do I believe this?

Hello

Sorry to hear about that.

Take a step out and think to yourself first.

Analyse the relationship and consider why he may have cheated in the first place.

Begging for forgiveness is obviously a sign of guilt and perhaps repentance but not necessarily an assurance that he will not cheat again.

I would accept the forgiveness because humans make these sort of mistakes he is not the first one.

The considerations to take on board are that he is I assume an adult, had full control over his actions, contemplated the betrayel therefore considering his own desire at hand and satisfied his passion and lust.

You are not married and this is a good lesson for observation of character for relationships.
Maybe you an look back in retrospect and see some indication of potential disloyalty.

Do you need to pursue it or has it run its course?

Remove the begging for forgiveness aspect, could he be better off on his own for now whilst you use this experience to pursue a longer term one?

Just think about it and move on. You need a clear mind without worry. You may also avoid the potential to unintentionally begin to dominate the relationship for fear of distrust again.

Wait a minute... First of all he cheated on you. I don't want to hear all of this "humans make mistakes" garbage! That is an excuse and nothing more. You need to leave him and move on with your life. I can say with 100% certainty that I would NEVER cheat on anyone I am with. PERIOD. There is no way at this point you can do anything but leave his butt behind. You need to let the emotional dust settle and live your life without him for awhile. I know it hurts, but talking to him and trying to "forgive" him is not going to cut it right now.

You need not pursue anything. It is a done deal for now, so start to work on yourself and your healing. Breathless made some very good points, but I just want to make sure you don't accept his pathetic begging and take him back... do that and he has won!

You can forgive by accepting his mistake but there is no way to forget. Keep in mind that this is something you cannot hold over his head, once you chose to forgive then that's it, in arguments you can't bring it up to make him feel bad. It's going to be really hard, but if you want to make it work, counseling is your best option

Mine is not an original opinion, but nonetheless, if I were in your position, I would leave the adulterer. Only because of the length of time you've been together though. I guess I would be more forgiving of a cheater if it were early on in a relationship.

But clearly after 5 years together, the relationship is serious, and in my mind, would be an indication of what may be in the next 5 years.

Forgiving may be easier than you think. Forgetting will never happen. Separation would be difficult for me in a 5 year relationship, but I would think a repeat of this unfaithfulness to be even harder still.

Good luck to you, and as will be told to you often... seeking counseling will be necessary if you want to retain the relationship.

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How do I forgive.and FORGET!

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You don't!! You leave him alone ,let the emotional dust settle heal at your own pace without his influence, and then see how you honestly feel, and act accordingly!!

Had he never been caught would he still be doing it???
That's something you ask yourself, BEFORE you decide if he is worthy of fogiveness.

Will he do it again???????
Sad but true fact is he has proven he can do it once. Perhaps he will be better at it, and not get caught next time.

Get over your hurt, before you make such an important decision for yourself.