OK all here's the story... My husband and I have been married for almost a year and a half and we have 4 children.. I have 2 girls and he has 2 girls both from previous relationships. We all knew each other before when we were with our girls mom and dad and we found each other a few years later after we separated from our ex's. My daughters are 7 and 5 and his are 7 and 4. The thing about it is when we first started dating my husbands daughters mother left state and he had already been to court and received emergency custody. Their mother was on drugs pretty bad (and still is) and she also abused the girls physically and mentally. We have recently went over to get a court date set to get her for child support. She has seen the girls 2 times in almost 3 years. Now this is my problem.. My 7 year old step daughter is extremely out of control. She was not real bad when my husband and I first got together but it has gotten worse since about a year ago when her mother came to see her last. She talks back to her father and I like she is an 18 year old and tells people and he younger sisters she hates them. She has bad anger problems such as when things does not go her way she will hit her head on whatever hard surface is near her or she will hold her breath and choke herself with her hands. We had her in counseling for a while and it just seemed to make things worse because when she had to go she would lash out on everyone around her. All four children call me mom and I have done everything from telling my stepdaughter that everything will be OK and it is not her fault. I have sat and talked to her for hours on end trying to let her know things will get better and we all love her and there are different reasons her mother has left her. She will sit there and cry and cry and say that she just wants her mom to come and be with her. But as soon as we get done talking she finds something to do that's wrong if its being mean to her sisters or dumping something on the floor on purpose and laughing. She goes as far as hurting her 4 year old sister and laughing about it when she cries. Her father and I are pretty much at our end of what to do. We try to do things with the children often to keep her mind off things but as soon as the fun's over she's ready for the "bad attention." She has pretty bad nightmares at night and wakes up screaming and crying--so I know there are some mental issues occurring but the counselor said it was depression and there is really nothing that can be done with depression in a 7 year old but give her TLC and let her know she will be OK and its not her fault. I love everyone of our children but I am afraid I am going to lose it because of her problem. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE?? :(

Get that girl some help NOW.. There is no telling how she must feel knowing her mom is gone and having her my abuse her also. Even though she calls you mom nothing can replace your actual mother.I think you guys are trying to deal with this the best you can but look for a good counselor talk to your doc get some good recommendation even talk to your school counselor.. I think she acting out from years of emotion she has held with in.
I wish you all the best but I would act fast I wouldn't let this go much further...

Thanks for your advice. We just had parent/teacher conferences with her teacher and discussed some ways to fix the problem. It has became extremely hard for all of us and I feel so bad all of the time. I just wish her deadbeat mother would get a grip and come to realize that she brought 2 beautiful girls into this world and they need her in their lives. I could not imagine leaving my children ANY OF THEM!!

Thanks again for your reply!!

No, with all respect to teachers,
Get a counselor that specialises in children. Ok holding their breath, I always found that one funny, since once they pass out they start breathing, but she needs to be guided though her problems.

You have a lost little girl on your hands. She is trying to control her surroundings. In a negative way - but she is trying to gain control.

I agree that you need to get her specialized help. The teachers at school can be helpful, but you really need more professional help. You could start with the school counselor and that person can direct you to therapist.

My daughter is 8 and last year my husband changed jobs. He had a completely different work schedule and they didn't really get to see each other a lot. She begain lashing out and became very emotional. We talked with her teacher, the school counselor because we didn't realize that small change was causing the problem. When we did - he changed his schedule as to be with her more and her attitude and behavior improved.
The point is - any change (no matter how small) can rock their world. So imagine if your mom left. YOU know the Mom has issues - but that doesn't matter to a 7 year old. All she knows is her mom isn't there.

When my daughter was going through her thing - I got a book called "the feelings book". It is an American Girl book, written for kids 8 and up. It just goes through all the changes a girl goes through. And helps explain what they are feeling.
I bought it for her - but I think it helped me more. We read it together now and it has helped.

I also got this book from American Girl (I love themselves help books for girls! ) "Just Mom and Me" - it is an idea book on things you can do with you and your daughters. It really gives you direction and it is filled with fun things that you can do one on one.
You can get these books at Target or straight from American Girl (target is cheaper)

Get her the help she needs - she needs to be able to express herself in a constructive way - but I think she doesn't know how to do that and needs to be taught.

Good Luck.