I am in need of advice. I had an affair with a woman and now she has gone back to her husband. She has had a child I believe to be mine. I would like nothing more than to be a father to this child and I am a decent man. I have a steady job and am not addicted to drugs or alcohol. I am also not abusive. I do not know her reasoning for not wanting me to be in this child's life. I am going to court for paternity but this is costing me emotionally. Your advice would be great. Thanks

I understand how emotional this can be. I went through it with my ex. The best advice I can give you is to think of your child and keep fighting. If the baby is yours he or she needs you to be there for him or her. I just kept thinking about my daughter and this is what helped me get through a very emotionally problem.

You had better hold on to your seat, confused, because if you think you are emotionally drained now, you might be worse of after fighting for paternity, but I hope not for your sake if you are who you say you are.

You do know that she has every right to fight you tooth and nail to keep you out of the scenario if she wants.

I hope you get what you want, to be evident in your child's upbringing but as the child grows up and becomes aware of the situation it may be emotionally draining for the child too, this is why I say, 'but at what cost to everyone involved ?

It is great that you want to stand up and be in the child life but you have to wait for the DNA results.

If you are proven to be the father than you have legal rights to the child and can at least get visitations and you can be order to pay child support and half of any other fees relating to the child, i.e. child care.

If your not the father than count your blessing because you really shouldn't have a child with a married women.

Of course your going be emotional right now but the only thing you can do is wait. You have to wait and see what happens.

The only way you can sign over your rights, once your proven to be the father, is if her husband is willing to adopt him. Otherwise you can't sign sign over your rights because you have a fiancial obligation to that child at least until he/she is 18 years of age.

Thank you for your input thus far. I am not going to say what we did was right. We were both going through separations, or so I thought. They were unable to have children and her husband wants to adopt this child. I just want what is best; unfortunately, there is no right or wrong answer.

To all intents it looks like you were used as a sperm donor. I can really see a woman stooping that low (please don't take this the wrong way!), in this day and age and desperate to have a baby and stay in a permanent relationship. I mean, she didn't have to pay to have it done and that is pretty under-handed.

If this is the case, confused, then she will fight tooth and nail.

You could always take her to court for misrepresentation and be paid for your time and sperm, IMO. Good luck, whichever way you choose to attack this unsavory situation and I hope you get restitution in any event.

Just another take on your problem.

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Originally Posted by confused_1

Thank you for your input thus far. I am not going to say what we did was right. We were both going through separations, or so I thought. They were unable to have children and her husband wants to adopt this child. I just want what is best; unfortunatly, there is no right or wrong answer.

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Her husband may not have to adopt this child because it may already be his according to law. If they were married when the baby was born then he may be the legal father already. Doesn't matter what the DNA says. You need to look further into your states law because in a lot of states he already has full rights.

I'm sure that this is hard on you. But short of getting through to her, I don't think that there is anything that you can do BESIDES go to court and try to prove that this is your child. Good Luck and God Bless