Ask Me Help Desk - Are you a stepchild, I need your input

Are you a stepchild, I need your input

Hi, this has nothing to do with my other post, but I've been reading some of the questions and answers based on stepparents and stepchildren, and it's made me question a couple things.

I have a stepson. He just turned 19 months, and he came into my husband and my life when he was 5 months old. I truly love him as my own son, and will never think of him any less than my own son. Now I've read a couple stepchildren have said that they really feel closer and respect their stepparents more when they call them their own child, treat them the same, etc. I have no problem with treating my stepson as my own, I do that everyday, I'd call him everyday when he's at his moms, but I know she would flip out on me, so I don't... but is it really okay to call him my son and not my stepson? And I need the opinions of STEPCHILDREN, because obviously biological parents won't feel the same, but this isn't about them, it's about the children. I don't care if you're a 40 year old stepchild or a 14 year old stepchild, I would like your opinion on the matter. Thanks

You ARE Mom.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stratmando

You ARE Mom.

I'm a little confused about this answer?

Too lengthy to answer now, will post back later, I am a 51 year old step kid.

Haha okay, thanks.

What does the son call you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ANB428

What does the son call you?

Well, he isn't talking all that much yet because he's only 19 months old. But we go with Mama T, and that's what he knows me by (we know, because we do tests to see if he knows who someone is, he knows who his sissy is and that her name is Azi, he knows his Daddy, his Papa, his Meme, and his Mama T)... That's what we chose to go with so that our daughter doesn't start calling me something other than Mommy, because if she ever called me by my name I think it'd break my heart.

Yea, I totally understand. Mine is now three and calls me by my first name to push my buttons. LOL. Anyway, I am a step-child and have been for like about 15 years. I didn't get along with my stepdad ever, but he married my mom when I was like 8 or 9. So, that was a huge change for me and I would never want him to call me his own. It is different when you have been there since day one. My friend is a step-mother and she ALWAYS referred to her step-kids as her own and they never really minded even though they lived with their real mom. It is kind of like having two moms and who wouldn't want that? LOL. I think that it would be okay for you to refer to him as your own. It is not like you are just some woman that his dad married and he was already 8 and you were just coming into his life, you are there now and he will know you growing up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ANB428

Yea, I totally understand. Mine is now three and calls me by my first name to push my buttons. LOL. Anyways, I am a step-child and have been for like about 15 years. I didn't get along with my stepdad ever, but he married my mom when I was like 8 or 9. So, that was a huge change for me and I would never want him to call me his own. It is different when you have been there since day one. My friend is a step-mother and she ALWAYS refered to her step-kids as her own and they never really minded even though they lived with their real mom. It is kinda like having two moms and who wouldn't want that? LOL. I think that it would be okay for you to refer to him as your own. It is not like you are just some woman that his dad married and he was already 8 and you were just coming into his life, you are there now and he will know you growing up.

Thanks, yes, I want call him my own, and at home I do, and with my husband I do, but I've always felt like I didn't want to step on his real mom's toes by calling him my son to anyone else, though everyone we KNOW knows he's my stepson anyway... so I guess it wouldn't be that bad, and lately I would just rather call him my own to EVERYONE anyway because at this point I feel I'm the only real mom he has. His biological mother doesn't take care of him 100% like she should, she cares more about herself and partying and doing what she wants to do and doesn't use the cs we give her for him (she doesn't even have a pair of shoes for him that fit him because the last time she had shoes for him was when he got them from someone else for his first birthday 7 months ago!)... and I know I wouldn't dump my child off with anyone as easily as she does.

I just feel so bad for him because he deserves so much better in a mother, and so I try to be what he deserves as best I can. I spoil him rotten, as I do with our daughter, I love shopping for them both, getting them new clothes, toys, stuff for their rooms. And it hurts to know that when he's with his bio mom she bashes me and I know when he's older she's going to try her best to turn him against me. But I know he loves me right now, he's always ready to come crawl into my arms and give me kisses and hugs.

My stepfather came into my life when I was 2 years old and he is no longer with my mom but to this day I am still HIS daughter and he will always be my dad. If he was to ever tell someone I was his stepdaughter if would hurt me deeply. Just because you are not biologically related does not mean he is less of your son or you are less of his mom. Hope this helps

Quote:

Originally Posted by cjenni07

My stepfather came into my life when I was 2 years old and he is no longer with my mom but to this day I am still HIS daughter and he will always be my dad. If he was to ever tell someone I was his stepdaughter if would hurt me deeply. Just because you are not biologically related does not mean he is less of your son or you are less of his mom. hope this helps

Thank you, yes that helped me a lot, because my "son" will never remember a time when I won't be in his life unless his biomom ever takes him away from us, which we would fight if it came to that... so thank you, I appreciate your imput. Now I won't feel in the least bad by calling him my son...

I do have to ask, was your real dad in your life at all, because I feel that it MAY be a little different with me and his biomom in his life... or no?

Quote:

Originally Posted by numberonemommy

Thanks, yes, I want call him my own, and at home I do, and with my husband I do, but I've always felt like i didnt want to step on his real mom's toes by calling him my son to anyone else, though everyone we KNOW knows he's my stepson anyway...so I guess it wouldnt be that bad, and lately I would just rather call him my own to EVERYONE anyway because at this point I feel I'm the only real mom he has. His biological mother doesn't take care of him 100% like she should, she cares more about herself and partying and doing what she wants to do and doesnt use the cs we give her for him (she doesn't even have a pair of shoes for him that fit him because the last time she had shoes for him was when he got them from someone else for his first birthday 7 months ago!)...and I know I wouldn't dump my child off with anyone as easily as she does.

I just feel so bad for him because he deserves so much better in a mother, and so I try to be what he deserves as best I can. I spoil him rotten, as I do with our daughter, I love shopping for them both, getting them new clothes, toys, stuff for their rooms. And it hurts to know that when he's with his bio mom she bashes me and I know when he's older she's going to try her best to turn him against me. But I know he loves me right now, he's always ready to come crawl into my arms and give me kisses and hugs.

Well, whatever the mother says to him about you that is negative will come back and bite her in the butt. He will end up hating her for saying all of these meanful things about you when you are nothing but good to him. Don't worry too much about it and take it one day at a time. Who knows, maybe he gets older he can come live with you guys. I am sure that he needs a loving mother in his life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ANB428

Well, whatever the mother says to him about you that is negative will come back and bite her in the butt. He will end up hating her for saying all of these meanful things about you when you are nothing but good to him. Don't worry too much about it and take it one day at a time. Who knows, maybe he gets older he can come live with you guys. I am sure that he needs a loving mother in his life.

Thanks. Yes I agree, all I can do is live day by day and show him all the love in the world and hope he sees the truth in all her lies as he gets older. :) Thanks for your imput!

Numberonemommy, I don't understand HAha, sounds jerklike. ANB428 said what I was trying to say but I had to go to work, I'm sorry
#1 Mommy. Who gave you that name haha?

I have a step mom, and occasionally she calls me her son and not step son. But that is usually because she doesn't want to confuse people that may think she got remarried again and had a son. I really mind what she calls me. She is my mom away from home. I tell people she is my mom sometimes because it makes things a lot easier. Im 17 if that matters