My boyfriend & I have been dating for 21 months. Incredible for a good year. Communication, affection, sex all good. Comfortability set in on his end & it became like an old married couple. From sex 4-5 x's a week to a scheduled 1 dy a week (not by my choice), from cuddling while watching TV all the time to a quick hug now, from excitement when we saw each other to a quick peck of a kiss now. He calls me 4-5 x's a dy to tell me he loves me & is thinking about me. We do talk all the time, our communication is good, but I do not think we are on the same page today. I talked to him about the intimacy/affection part of the relationship & he tells me as far as he's concerned everything is perfect. He loves our life & he dosen't know what the problem is. I have tried to explain to him what was then & what is today (I know relationships change as you settle in awhile) He tells me he does not get it, what am I complaining about. There is not a lot of touching & I need that in a relationship. I don't want to be smothered, but I do want affection. How can I explain to him what I need? I am becoming resentful & angry every time we see each other. We only see each other about 4 x's a week. I told him if this is how he is I need to either accept it, or move on. He did not respond. I do know he loves me to death, I can tell by his many phone calls throughout the day. Any suggestions

Stephieco




Stephieco

21 months? He is now considering your relationship like you are married and does not need to do all the "dating" things to get into your pants. In other words he is comfortable with the relationship like it is. I really doubt that as long as he feels this way you have any chance of really getting married. So if that is your ultimate goal with this guy, things need to change drastically.

Maybe prove to him that you can and WILL break things off if your not getting the attention you need. I think he is just TOO comfortable in your relationship and thinks it is undestructable. So give him a fake break up or something then get back together in a few days ( this could always backfire so be careful! ) seems like he just needs something to wake him up.

Remind him why you fell in love with him in the first place, all those little things he did in the first year that he does not do anymore. Be creative get his mind moving and see what happens.

Think about this statement: Men are driven by LOGIC and women are driven by EMOTIONS. This will help you understand.

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Originally Posted by SimpleguyJoe

Maybe prove to him that you can and WILL break things off if your not getting the attention you need. I think he is just TOO comfortable in your relationship and thinks it is undestructable. So give him a fake break up or something then get back together in a few days ( this could always backfire so be careful! ) seems like he just needs something to wake him up.

Remind him why you fell in love with him in the first place, all those little things he did in the first year that he does not do anymore. Be creative get his mind moving and see what happens.

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Thanks, that's some pretty sound advice. I guess my fear gets in the way, like you said , it could backfire. Then again, I'm not happy now, so what do I have to lose.

There's a book by Gary Chapman- I think that's his name... Called the 5 love languages. It helped me out tremendously. I now know what I need to do to show my husband that I love him and he understands why the things that I do to show him I love him don't necessarily work for me. I told him to read the section that pertains to me and now he understand that even though he doesn't need as much affection as I do, he knows that it means a lot to me when he shows it. If you can find a copy I recommend it

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Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

There's a book by Gary Chapman- I think that's his name... Called the 5 love languages. It helped me out tremendously. I now know what I need to do to show my husband that I love him and he understands why the things that I do to show him I love him don't necessarily work for me. I told him to read the section that pertains to me and now he understand that even though he doesn't need as much affection as I do, he knows that it means a lot to me when he shows it. If you can find a copy I recommend it

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Thank You, I will look into it.

You're welcome. There's a lot of good information in that book. Actually after I posted that answer I googled it and there's a website and even questions to determine what "love language" you are.

ZoeMarie's suggestion of the The 5 Love Languages is a good one in this situation. The book is designed for couples who are more or less normal, but just haven't figured out how to communicate to each other properly. I leafed through it a while back because my girlfriend at the time was reading it and there is a good bit of information in it.

The only issue that I foresee is that even though you will read it and think, "Wow, this is great!" You still have the task of getting all that information into his head. Right now, he is simply not being receptive to anything and he needs to be shaken out of it.

You NEED to threaten that you're going to take off unless things change and if he doesn't wake up to it, you MUST walk. As a woman, you have a much shorter window in which you can start a family and you simply can't waste your time with a guy who isn't going to properly satisfy your emotional needs.

If he does become receptive to suggestions, my advice is to tell him that you want PHYSICAL affection. Tell him that you want him to hug you and have sex with you more. He needs to remember that he has to satisfy your emotional needs through his actions (hugging, sex, etc) or else you will feel unfulfilled and be looking to go elsewhere.

Just go out and tell him that you want to be hugged and you want to cuddle more offten because you know he loves you but you feel the need to get more hugs and cuddles

How are things going any update?

I have the same problem with my boyfriend, whom I LOVE! No affection from him! NONE! I makes me sad, I cry.
I'm putting it down to the fact the he was adopted. I seriously think that has a lot to do with it.