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-   -   Immaturity Rules (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=275354)

  • Oct 30, 2008, 11:14 AM
    ChihuahuaMomma
    Immaturity Rules
    Here goes:

    So, I'm dating again. I met this wonderful guy. We have so much in common. He's exactly what I've been looking for personality wise, looks wise, goal wise... everything. THEN I meet his friends. Immature. Very very immature. And him with his friends---acts the same way. Is it his age? He's 23... the reason that I usually date much older guys... Help me, what should I do?
  • Oct 30, 2008, 12:09 PM
    Fr_Chuck

    Well telling you to forget him and think of a much older religious man comes to mind ( I have just started dating again too)
    But seroiusly to be honest at 23 he should be mature, at 23 people are college grads and business leaders.
    This really does sound like a issue since this is the way he is.
  • Oct 30, 2008, 12:20 PM
    ChihuahuaMomma

    I'm not religious so dating someone that is, wouldn't be the best bet either... But that's not what we are talking about here...

    That's what I am saying, like, at 23 going to beer pong tournaments? I'm 22 and I did that sort of stuff when I was 17 and 18...
  • Oct 30, 2008, 12:30 PM
    liz28

    Well maybe you should reconsider being with him if he isn't want you want in a guy. He sounds like he is just living life day to day and having fun. It might not be the kind of fun you like but he does. I didn't know that people still play beer pong.
  • Oct 30, 2008, 01:44 PM
    JBeaucaire

    It's OK to admit a guy you like isn't a good match. It really is OK. You don't have to think ill of him for being him, you don't need to get him to change, you just need to see who he is and choose.
  • Oct 30, 2008, 02:15 PM
    jrsg
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JBeaucaire View Post
    It's OK to admit a guy you like isn't a good match. It really is OK. You don't have to think ill of him for being him, you don't need to get him to change, you just need to see who he is and choose.
    JB, something you advised someone a while comes to mind...
    You said something along the lines of "dating is to figure out if you like someone, not to change them." Or something like that... Anyway, I think that advice is good here, too.
    He is the way he is. Always good advice, JB.

    I tend to think people shouldn't really be judged on their friends. My friends are extremely immature, and sometimes I too go along with them. I never like it when a girl judges me on how I am around friends, or judges me based on how my friends act... I don't like it, but I understand. It just wouldn't work out, so of course, I just accept that it is time to break up. This may be the situation you are in.
    But, if you think you can deal with it, by all means, stay together! Like you said, that is one of his only faults. Nobody is going to be perfect...
  • Oct 30, 2008, 05:11 PM
    SimpleguyJoe

    Do you think this guy is worth fight for? He is everything your looking for right? Then just deal with it or don't be around him when he is with his friends. Time apart is good any ways so as long as he is not bringing his rubbish home with him than what's the problem?

    I mean guys will be guys as the saying goes and were bound to have times of stupidity, drunkin shinanigins and immaturity at ANY age sometimes it's important to be semi immature and kiddish it keeps the soul alive. Try to deal with as well as you can or even go along with it you might end up having fun.
  • Oct 30, 2008, 06:04 PM
    High Max
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma View Post
    Here goes:

    So, I'm dating again. I met this wonderful guy. We have so much in common. He's exactly what I've been looking for personality wise, looks wise, goal wise....everything. THEN I meet his friends. Immature. Very very immature. And him with his friends---acts the same way. Is it his age? He's 23....the reason that I usually date much older guys....Help me, what should I do?
    You seem very picky, why not let him do whatever he wants with his guy friends, and then enjoy his company alone? For some reason I get the vibe that you are expecting "Mr.Dreamy" who is absolutely perfect. My ex girlfriends friends were the same way, I didn't hang out with them, and she didn't hang out with mine, and things were fine.
  • Oct 30, 2008, 06:05 PM
    Fr_Chuck

    One thing to remember you can't change people, and going into a relationship expecting them to change latter may not happen.

    And dating is just that dating to get to know them and the wise person knows that the majority of people we start to date will be broken up with, that is why we date. It is to weed out some of the people.
  • Oct 30, 2008, 06:15 PM
    High Max

    True enough, but I think this would be a bad reason to weed someone out unless the immaturity is directly harming the relationship itself. If he can be mature and real with her, who cares if he goofs off with his friends. Let's be real, guys don't sit around and have coffee together and have mature cute conversations that often. They hang out and be boys.
  • Oct 30, 2008, 09:50 PM
    ChihuahuaMomma
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    One thing to remember you can't change people, and going into a relationship expecting them to change latter may not happen.

    And dating is just that dating to get to know them and the wise person knows that the majority of people we start to date will be broken up with, that is why we date. It is to weed out some of the people.
    I don't expect or want to change him... I know, I enjoy being with him.. and it seems the same vice versa. I hate dating, to be honest.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by High Max View Post
    You seem very picky, why not let him do whatever he wants with his guy friends, and then enjoy his company alone? For some reason I get the vibe that you are expecting "Mr.Dreamy" who is absolutely perfect. My ex girlfriends friends were the same way, I didn't hang out with them, and she didn't hang out with mine, and things were fine.
    How do I seem very picky? I want to be apart of my guy's life and he a part of mine, and that means being with friends as well. Every girl wants Mr. Dreamy, that's just life. Do I expect him to be perfect? NO. I'm just saying, he's 23...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by liz28 View Post
    Well maybe you should reconsider being with him if he isn't want you want in a guy. He sounds like he is just living life day to day and having fun. It might not be the kind of fun you like but he does. I didn't know that people still play beer pong.
    He IS what I want in a guy... I just don't like the immaturity level when he's with his friends.
  • Oct 31, 2008, 12:46 AM
    SimpleguyJoe

    Well if you guys are really there for each other then it's just another stepping stone your going to have to climb to get over.

    This is just something ALL normal guys do until they either lose contact with all their friends, get married or hit around 27-30.

    Yes there are also a lot that don't act this way by this age but at some time or another I'm sure most guys around his age who are not held down by some resposibillity act similar.
  • Oct 31, 2008, 02:56 AM
    ChihuahuaMomma

    Just for the record I'm used to dating men that are 5-15 years older than me... This man is 9 months older than me, so this is where my confusion derives...

    Thank you to all for your answers, and of course more insight is very welcome!

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