The judge suggest he consider leaving it at reasonable access at reasonable times. Basically as he feels the need. But he insists that he wants his responsibility ended. He has a new girlfriend she is pregnant and the boys are stressful. She is ten years younger than he is and has no children of her own. I know that no one can make him be a dad I just don't understand how he could just see his kids on a Wednesday one week and on Tuesday the next decide he's done. I guess we will see what happens on Nov. 25 maybe the judge will not rule in favor or he will change his mind. I hope he changes his mind. Money does not replace a dad. Thanks for the advice.

I moved this to its own thread, because we are now getting into discussing your issue (Your ex wanting to relinquish his rights to your kids in Canada) Rather than the OP's question. While previous responses were using your experiences as an example for the OP in the other thread. This one is different and I don't want to hijack her thread.

I certainly agree with you that I can't understand how a father can simply cut off his kids like you have described. But I also can't understand a judge agreeing to allow it.

If your ex doesn't want to have contact with his kids, that's his right. But I see no reason for a judge to make it part of a court order. If I were that judge (and I realize that he might be constrained by laws here that I'm not aware of) I would tell your ex that his abandonment of his kids is reprehensible and that I wouldn't allow a court of law to be party to it. If he doesn't want to see his kids then just don't, but don't expect a court to condone it.

Actually if he is seeing his kids two night a week, that is actually more than many. And is by no means not having contact.

Sadly many court orders are every other weekend ( two nights every two weeks)

Even my order only allows me one night every week, and if I have to travel for work, or have something I can not get out of, guess what I just lose that night without any way to be able to see them.

The orders when reasonable, and when they can ever work, it may for a bit, but unless there are set days one side or the other normally messes it up

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Actually if he is seeing his kids two night a week, that is actually more than many. And is by no means not having contact.

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Hi Chuck,

Got to read the whole thing (see https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...al-274779.html). The issue here is that lagranoui's ex, just up and decided he wanted to relinquish his rights and went to Family Court in Canada to do so.

I agree but see the reason we went to court to begin with is he moved with his lady and her parents. There was not enough rooms in the house so his lady and him share the sofa bed. However they had made arrangements to use her little sisters room on the weekends when the boys came over. He was going to use the bed and the boys on each side of him on the floor. His lady on the sofa bed with her little sister. It is only a two bedroom house. I agreed as a temporary arrangement only. They were looking for an apartment. The first and only weekend we attempted this at his new address it was a mess. See our nine year old is nine with A.D.D and a developmental delay of one and a half years so mentality he is seven and a half. His dad got frustrated because he takes a little more effort and acts out when frustrated. So within two hours of dropping them off my tiny Tim was sent home. We made arrangements that dad pick him up On Saturday to spend time with him. Give it a second try. That lasted three hours an improvement. When dad dropped off Tim my oldest went along for the ride. He was in Fridays clothes. When I asked my son why he had not changed he said it was because I sent no clothes. However I gave their Dad two garbage bags of clothes for the boys that would fit them. For when they went for their weekends with him. I asked dad why he was not changed dad said he had not gone through the bags yet. He had four days. He was temp. laid off for a week. Lots of time was available. So I sent my son to change and shower before he could go back with Dad. On Sunday when son came home he was in Saturdays clothes and before I could manage to speak my son said don't worry mom I did not sleep in these clothes.Upon speaking to dad and son I find out son slept on living room floor and dad slept on sofa. Fine I geuss but son slept in boxers with a 17 year old girl in house. Not proper. I comment to dad and we agree until he gets his own apartment and has beds for boys no more overnights. He continues on with day visits and calls about every other night to say good night. He moved in with his girl friend in August 2008. So just recent. We were working on things to the extent that I would allow him to come to my home and my husband and I would take our daughter to the park to give them some time alone. He would stay watch a movie or just visit in general and sometimes his girlfriend would come too. We offered this as an option because girlfriends parents of dogs that bite. Ad they refuse to lock them up. Another problem. We were discussing Halloween arrangements because usually we take an hour then he does. I had no knowledge of his spontaneous wishes. The judge was shocked. Repeated things several times and asked if he thought this through he said he had and wants a new start. She said take some time to think it over and remanded court. Paper says visitation pending to be negotiated by parents. She said that perhaps he is stressed out and coming into court can be stressful so time is all he may need. I can say he needs to think of the boys before his johnson lol I only went court to make it legal. Because if a parent has court ordered visits and denies the other parent access the police are called after three incidences and the parent in contempt gets arrested. So I wanted to cover myself for future purpose. You never know. I have no idea why the judge is considering his wishes I am still blown away. If he does change his mind I think parenting classes for minor education would not hurt. And I would like to see beds and a room before any over nights could continue.

He may agree now to no overnights but who knows later if he gets upset over something. He is already upset because family responsibilities is going to garnish is wages for support. He has not paid since August he paid half the amount. Sorry I did not mean to take over her thread.

Only half the amount in August. Now he owes about a thousand. I initiated court so as not to get arrested. In case he used it later I was covering myself. But I explained I was making it legal Just to keep everything by the books he said OK no problem and he was still calling the kids and seeing them. We were still friendly no arguments. He spoke to me in the court house and told me to tell our oldest son that he would call him to let him know if he could do halloween or not because he got an apartment and will be moving that weekend. No indication he wanted to relinquish rights odd and awefull

How long have you been separated?

we separated in 2005 divorced in 2006 one year after and I wasted no time and married my best friends x boy friend this year. He was there for me when my x walked out. We were having rough times and decided to take a break for a weekend. My x was suppose to go to Windsor ontario and stay with his aunt. I was to stay home with the kids and we would see each other on Sunday maybe Monday. That was it he never came back. He contacted me the on Sat. to make arrangements for his things and my best friends x was over with one of my other friends and I was trying to hook them up. My x took all our money and I had my heat shut off and was on the verge of evicton because I could not pay the rent. He was sole income I took care of my boys. Tutoring, Doctors. I called social services (welfare) and they made an app. Two weeks later. My x and I owed half a month of rent from the month before and we were behind a bill for heat. My friends x man paid my rent turned on my heat and bought my kids food. After that we just clicked. I had known him for about 8 years. Through friends and I went to school with his brother. I am 32 he is 28. He is my knight so to speak. We have a daughter. Two years like I said we wasted no time. My x and I had issues but ended up as friends. That is how we started. I forgave him and decided it was better for the kids if we got along our first court date in 2005 was a court conference in agreement about the set up for the boys. We have been working together ever since. We have invited him to barbques and even lent him money so he could take the boys out when he had them. There happiness is all that mattered. Besides the minor issues I wrote about with the new set up all was well. Then court. I got on this site with hopes I could stop him for abandoning my babies. Or maybe find a way to help my boys through it if he indeed fallows through and the judge rules it.I all ready told my oldest that dad needed a break and we are not going to visit for a while because he is in process of moving and needs the space. He became angry and asked if that is what dad wants I said yes. Lets see what happenes once he gets his apartment which is suppose to happen this weekend.nov.1 2008. I am lost Should I allow him to take the kids if he decides once he moves in? Or should I just offer a visit in a mutual location until court? And if he decides not to take them or see them what do I tell the kids then?

I would keep it to mutual location until the court business is decided.

My advice was given by experience and years of it.I never considered it was different location different laws. Go figure I am sorry we crossed paths and got at each other a little but I geuss not really sorry we crossed paths. My hubby is frustrated and tired of hearing about it. So I tend not to bring it up often. This all started this oct. court was the 17th and remanded to nov. 25 or 24 I have to check. So it was a main topic when the kids were not around in our house. Sjo being able to discuss it is nice. Thanks for the ear. If you have any thought or advice I would appreciate it. Other wise I will inform you the out come. By the way happy halloween

This site can be a great tool for just getting things off your chest. There are so many good, caring and knowledgeable people here. We can often bring a different perpective to an issue that was not previously thought of.

Agreed but please read the statement above the last I have a few question that maybe you have an opinion on

I asked what if my x decides this weekend when he moves into his apartment that he wants the boys over should I let them?
should I agree to allow a visit in a mutual place?
If he does not ask then what should I tell the boys if they ask about going to see dad?
I am lost

Well my x has decided he changed his mind now he wants reasonable access reasonable notice. He has called the boys six times since Oct. 17 and moved into his new apartment. He has not seen them or asked to yet. I told him he can come here if he would like to until court. I want him to take parenting classes first before he resumes with his visits.

Well court is done and with the help of his sister and his mother we came to an agreement. He is keeping his joint custody with order to reside with me. However he want no set visits. He wants to contact me on occasion to make arrangements he had to give me a day notice and I decide yes or no. He has not seen the boys since before our first court date on October 17 but he has called. Today I told the boys the truth about everything. I explained everything from the beginning. They were upset and hurt. I explained that I don't know if things will get better or their dad will continue to see them. I told them I don't know if he will see them at christmas either. We will just have to take things slow and maybe he will realize that he make a mistake and things will get better. To be patient. When time comes to see dad we will start slow if they want but they should try. Even if they are upset. When speaking to him in court today I asked about christmas and he said he may not be able to take them at all. He used his layoff from work and his car being broke as his reason. So I offered to drive them over for an hour or so at least so he can see them. He said he will let me know. I think he just agreed to get it over with. I believe he has not intention of bothering much. I hope I am wrong. Time will tell. As for support that is a different matter I do not know how it work with unemployment issues. If it stops or what maybe you have some insight on that? The judge would have ruled in favor of him relinquishing his right voluntarily other than having the kids go through the fight to see him. Like now. Part of me thinks I should have let him not argued it. But what done is done maybe he will come to his senses. Thanks for your help. Also I not have to worry about his visits until court he never bothered to try.